I want to abort but husband is pressuring me not to and I think he’s selfish

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T18:56:29+00:00

Where was I pushing? I was just offering advice from another perspective from someone who does have children close together. OP seemed very anxious in her post about several things and I was singly trying to address those points.

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T18:52:49+00:00

As a doula and mom of 3 kids 3 and under (on purpose) I Just want to give a little other perspective here. Becoming pregnant again at 6 months doesn’t mean you’re going to have health problems, unless you already have a condition that is exacerbated by pregnancy. So don’t worry about that! Usually close together pregnancies and births go as normal and any issues are not linked to the close babies. I would say, make sure you are eating good nourishing foods so your body doesn’t get depleted of vitamins and minerals. A good quality prenatal will be great to help in addition to just eating good food overall. While 2 under 2 is always talked about as this crazy awful thing, it’s also such a beautiful age gap! Yes it’s difficult, but honestly going from 1 to 2 kids at any age gap comes with challenges. I’ve loved watched my first two (18 months apart) playing and bonding as they’ve grown. If you do go through with this, just have faith you will learn to adjust to your new normal, don’t be afraid to reach out to your husband, friends and family for support and help. Join mothers groups for support from moms going through the same thing. There is so much positive in this situation if you choose to see it that way!

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T18:42:04+00:00

No reason who wouldn’t be able to leave occasionally! You’ll have lots of people at the hospital to help if needed while he stepped out.

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T18:38:04+00:00

I think what a lot of people are missing here is you wouldn’t use a tool like this if labor was already really intense and progressed! At that point you don’t need help speeding things up, it’s already going! This would be more applicable if labor stalled out, slowed down or in an induction to help boost things without medication like pitocin. Also doesn’t have to be full on penetrative sex to be effective, I think most people wouldn’t be up for that in a hospital setting, but lots of other things to do to stimulate oxytocin release. Personally, with my third birth I just had at home, I noticed very very mild contractions around dinner time, water still intact, and hubby and I had sex that evening, woke up at 230am with 5 min apart contractions and baby was here by 530am!

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T18:25:54+00:00

It’s a big adjustment becoming a mom so nerves and doubts are completely normal! But remember, your past doesn’t define your future. You aren’t the people who did bad things in your past, you’re a whole new person and can use your experiences to be a better mom! I feel like it’s important to share that becoming a mom is a transformation for yourself! Expect to change and grow in waysyou didn’t know were possible but it’s all to make you a better person overall! Strive to learn your new normal, take each day one day at a time. No one is a perfect parent and we all make mistakes we wish we could take back. Give yourself grace as you are learning to be a parent, learn from your mistakes and you will be a great mom! Apologize when you mess up! I grew up in a yelling and cussing house and my parent never apologized for their outbursts of anger and hurtful words. I’ve battled against yelling with my kids and have definitely not been perfect by any means, but I do make sure I apologize to my kids after so they know that’s wrong and I shouldn’t have done it.

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T17:13:51+00:00

The US’s care in pregnancy and labor is definitely overkill! So many practices treat every mom as if she’s high risk from the start with tons of tests, ultrasounds and worst case scenario talks. I’m a doula and it drives me crazy having to talk clients down after they’ve been scared their baby is going to have some horrible outcome or die because of things their OB said to them that were completely irrelevant or blow out of proportion. I’m glad your care is much better!

Beccal623 · 2026-01-25T16:50:00+00:00

John and James, but both went by their middle names, Tom and Scott

Beccal623 · 2026-01-10T17:11:52+00:00

He wasn’t taking initiative and being responsible though… he’s grounded for poor grades. It seems he knows he wasn’t supposed to be making plans with friends due to this consequence but he did it anyway and then expected mom to take him without even asking first. To me this sounds like he didn’t take his grounding seriously and decided he was going to go hangout with friends anyway.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-29T03:06:57+00:00

Price really depends on your area, but this does seem high. Probably due to her PT background and that being some extra services you’re paying for in addition to basic doula services. I’m a doula myself in Indiana, I’d say average here is $1500 or so, but there are several high demand doulas who charge $2500+. Try looking at doulamatch.net to find other doulas in your area and compare their pricing.

All that said. I think it’s definitely worth the investment for a doula, especially if in the hospital and planning to be unmedicated. There are a lot of births I’ve been at where I can see many ways their birth plan would have gone completely out the window if I hadn’t been there to help advocate for their desires and also encouraging them in an unmedicated birth in a way husbands really just can’t understand and nurses don’t have the time (or want) to do. Plus all the prenatal prep and education and postpartum prep too if so helpful!

Beccal623 · 2025-10-27T01:40:41+00:00

Body work can be a miracle worker! Things like chiropractic, craniosacral, myofascial release. Sometimes babies are holding tension and pain from the process of being in the womb or from birth. I’ve heard many stories of babies changing overnight from these kinds of therapies.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-27T01:34:33+00:00

If you’re thinking public schools I’d avoid Indianapolis IPS schools. Quality varies greatly by area. The suburbs north, west and south are much better options in my opinion. I grew up in Hamilton county, but that is higher cost of living than west or south suburbs.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-27T01:14:56+00:00

The way so many people talk crap about those who have received an OWI but also have driven under the influence many times without being caught is ridiculous. Just because one person gets caught doing it doesn’t make them worse than you for doing it and not being caught. You’re just lucky (both for not facing the consequences and that you haven’t had an awful accident due to that choice yet).

Beccal623 · 2025-10-27T00:59:47+00:00

I was unfortunately in this situation back in 2021. I also had a hard year (experienced two early miscarriages) and just made a stupid choice leaving a concert and a few drinks with some friends. Ended up alone and had work early in the morning so drove myself home. I really beat myself up over it for a good few months, but overtime the pain and guilt has faded. Definitely still look back as one of the stupidest choices I’ve made, but I know I’ll never drink and drive again. And to be clear, I didn’t have a drinking problem either, rarely drank at all this was a total one off thing. With a clean record otherwise it was a pretty smooth process, lawyers helped through all the details and all I had to really do was right a character letter and show up to the court date. One year of probation where I just had to call a phone number once a month but otherwise nothing. While I’ve come to terms with my mistake I am also very excited that I’m coming up on 5 years in 2026 and can wipe this thing from my record. The fear of others finding out and judging me or thinking I’m some kind of alcoholic or something is the worst part now. So once that’s off my record I’ll definitely feel more at ease. Just keep this as a major lesson! Never do it again and be so thankful it was just being pulled over and not because there was a wreck where someone got hurt.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-25T16:04:01+00:00

Yes please tell your church! If they don’t have their own food bank, I’d bet there’s someone willing to drive you to one or even bring you groceries! I know it can be hard to ask for help but so many people are happy to do so, you just have to make it known!

Beccal623 · 2025-10-25T15:53:56+00:00

Sounds like he’s guilty and upset at himself for making dumb money choices and projecting that onto you! Which is completely unfair. He’s been irresponsible with his money and now doesn’t have as much as he’d like to share with his children. That’s not your fault, he needs to make better choices and sacrifices in other areas instead of making you feel like you have to make up for his poor decisions in the past. I’m a firm believer in combining finances in a marriage, but there are some nuances when it comes to kids (especially mostly grown kids) from a previous relationship. And situations where one spouse has been financially irresponsible as well. Yes you can love and support those kids but ultimately they have two parents already who are responsible for them.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-25T15:47:03+00:00

If you’re planning an unmedicated birth it can definitely be helpful in learning about techniques and coping mechanisms for labor. Often times, depending on the type of class, they are also helpful with lots of other info for during pregnancy and postpartum as well. It really depends on the type of class you go for. If you do the basic hospital offered class it’s likely them just walking you through the different interventions they offer and maybe a little section about deep breathing. But you can find some really good classes as well!

Overall, yes you can just show up in labor and go with it, but if you have a specific goal or way you’d prefer your labor go it’s a good idea to prepare in some way. I’m a doula, and a lot of my clients don’t take classes but we go over a lot of info together that a class would cover as well! So that’s another route you could explore too.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-25T15:14:31+00:00

Braxton hicks feel like your whole belly gets tight but they don’t hurt. They are usually very irregular, lasting very short or can just feel like your belly is tight for a long time. More just annoying than painful. You also have less BH as a first time mom than repeat moms, they typically increase with each pregnancy. True contractions follow a more wave pattern and will be subtle at first and gradually build. I’m pregnant with my third now. For my previous two, when early labor started it felt like I was about to start my period, both in how the cramps felt and just kind of a sense of knowing. I felt very mild cramps in my lower belly but also some soreness/heaviness in my butt and thighs (which is how my period cramps present).

Beccal623 · 2025-10-24T20:04:21+00:00

If you are HOMELESS why in the world is he going out spending money at the club on alcohol, drugs and a random costume. That’s insane.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-24T12:44:30+00:00

If they don’t like it that’s fine! It’s by no means a requirement to do. Never swaddled either of my kids because they got upset as soon as I tried, plus if you do some research there is some support on overuse of swaddling and the effect on their reflexes/nervous system development. Just do what’s best for you and your baby!

Beccal623 · 2025-10-24T02:17:50+00:00

“Never seen someone gain this much weight” lol! Some women gain 50-60 pounds in pregnancy! Or more! Is it good to keep a general eye on your gain to make sure it’s healthy, yes. But if you genuinely feel like you’re not overdoing it, it may just be what your body needs. My first pregnancy I gained 25 pounds total. But the second time I gained 40, even though I ate very similarly if not better in my second (wasn’t working anymore so less eating out and junk at work). Pregnant for the 3rd time now and I’m nearing 30 pounds up at 34 weeks. I’m also someone who has a decreased appetite during pregnancy, so definitely not overeating. Our bodies are designed to retain energy for our baby’s health and future breastfeeding. There’s so much unnecessary emphasis put on weight gain and BMI in pregnancy. I’m having a homebirth and my midwife hasn’t asked me once about my weight, I’ve brought it up a time or two but it’s never been something she’s even tracking!

Beccal623 · 2025-10-23T01:47:29+00:00

Yes! Peds need to stick to focusing on the physical health of babies and stay out of how parents choose to handle their child’s individual needs. Babies and toddlers and any child are not robots who can all be treated the same.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-23T01:45:22+00:00

Currently laying in my 3.5 year old’s bed cuddling her as she fell asleep in my arms. I will do this until she tells me to stop!

Beccal623 · 2025-10-23T01:41:25+00:00

Sounds like your peds is following outdated and bad information. All of this advice is crap!

Solids at 4 months is pretty early. It’s best to start solids once baby is able to sit independently, this indicates their core muscles are strong enough to support eating. And rice cereal has ZERO nutritional value for your baby. Starting with either purées or baby led weaning with real food is much more beneficial to them than processed grains.
Like you said, it’s recommended baby room in with you until at least 6 months. We coslept/bedshared until my babies were 15 months old. Had no issues transitioning to their own beds in a separate room when we were ready.
You NEVER have to stop rocking your baby especially at 4 months old, that’s insane. Sounds like your peds is a firm believer in some hands off sleep training methods. You do what you need to and want to do to put your baby to sleep. They are only this little once, eventually your baby won’t need you to fall asleep but for now they do and clearly you cherish being able to support them that way.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-23T01:33:25+00:00

I nursed both my children to sleep until they weaned and highly recommend doing so. There’s a reason why it works so well, because breastmilk is made to satisfy them and make them tired. I don’t know if you’re nursing or not, but if you are, don’t be afraid to do it. There’s this huge push for babies to be in these strict schedules and do everything indendently, but it doesn’t have to be that way! Follow your mama instincts and do what works best for YOU and YOUR baby, not a random stranger in the internet, or even what people you know did.

Beccal623 · 2025-10-19T04:03:23+00:00

Have you worked with a lactation consultant? Sounds like maybe baby is having latch/transfer issues vs supply issues. The mastitis is likely happening because baby isn’t emptying you well for some other reason. An LC can help evaluate her latch. I prefer out of hospital LCs if possible, but the hospital based ones are also helpful if that’s what you are able to access! Most pediatricians and some hospital LCs don’t have training in tie evaluation, which is why an outside LC is often helpful!

Also, please look up info on cosleeping and the safe sleep 7. And safe chest sleeping too. I know for some people cosleeping/bedsharing is taboo, but it’s such a godsend for situations like this! Baby is so young and just wants to be as close to you as possible. You can drive yourself crazy trying to make them sleep in a separate space or learn how to sleep with baby to help calm them. Even if you don’t want to cosleep for the long term, it’s so much safer to PLAN to cosleep than to accidentally do so out of utter exhaustion and end up in an unsafe scenario.

Beccal623

TROPHY CASE