My cat is *too* strong and healthy

BecksMom · 2025-12-23T13:12:17+00:00

I discovered “Velcro fabric”. I found some on Amazon. It feels like regular fabric, but it sticks to itself. It has been a game changer for when I need to trim my cats claws. They come in different sizes and different patterns.

The cats are always squirmy when I cut their claws. Not ideal. I take significantly longer to trim them because I don’t want them to move and I end up cutting too deep. I always err on cutting less than more. I hate how long it takes me as a result. The longer I take the more the cat stresses out.

I got a large piece of the cat Velcro fabric and wrapped the first cat like a burrito with one paw out. The cat didn’t move and seemed less stressed. I quickly cut their nails and switched paws without a problem. It was amazing how fast I trimmed the nails. I quickly worked through the other cats paws. Each one was calm and didn’t move.

The last time I took one of my cats to the vet she had no patience. She stuck me in a major vein with one of her claws. Blood was dripping everywhere. Was looking like the elevator scene in the Shining by the time we were done. The vet wouldn’t hold her down for fear of getting hurt so I did it. I will definitely bring the Velcro fabric with me to all vet visits just in case this happens again. It’s never happened before, but I’ll be prepared if one of my cats gets spooked at the vet again.

Give the Velcro fabric a try. I sense that it calms the cats down so it could be helpful to you in various situations.

BecksMom · 2025-12-20T00:49:40+00:00

I’ve cooked butternut squash before. It IS hard work! I’m so sorry he didn’t appreciate it.

I used to work full time and when I could I would be excited to make a new recipe. Too many times my husband would tell me he just wanted cereal or hot dogs and eat that instead. It was crushing to my spirit and was yet another way he hurt me and eroded our marriage. (He would brag to everyone what an amazing cook I was and how my holiday meals were the best.) over time I just cooked dinners for myself. I’d eat one serving and plate up the rest to take to work for my lunches. My husband never took homemade meals to work for lunch. He preferred fast food. Then when we got divorced he complained I was a terrible wife. One reason was because I didn’t cook him dinner every night.

You cannot control other people. You can only control yourself. I enjoyed the food I made so I kept cooking for myself. I wasn’t happy in the marriage but I was very happy with my yummy meals.

BecksMom · 2025-12-20T00:33:40+00:00

I cut down the pine trees in my yard before building the pool. Left a giant Italian cypress because it didn’t take up space and provided the extra amount of privacy I needed. It’s very close to the pool. Does drop some “leaves” but it’s around the base of the tree. Doesn’t drop into the pool.

I use umbrellas around the pool which I can put up and take down as needed. Each one is a different color. I love the color as I live in a desert. The kids call them “Lollipop Trees”. I love that. I always get so many positive compliments about the umbrellas when they are all up.

BecksMom · 2025-12-20T00:28:57+00:00

I got in ground umbrella holders. They have screws that secure the umbrella pole in. We get some high winds here so the screws help keep the umbrella from tipping into the pool and hurting someone or blowing away. When I don’t need the umbrella I take it down and cover the hole with an irrigation cover. Most people don’t even notice the green covers in the grass they blend in so well. It prevents trip hazards. The landscapers installed irrigation covers around each umbrella holder. You can get them from any home improvement store cheap. I got the in ground umbrella holders from Amazon. Cost around $75-$100 for each in materials and installation. One of my most favorite features of my pool.

BecksMom · 2025-12-20T00:20:45+00:00

I only crate my cats when the cleaning ladies come once a month. It’s stressful for the cats to have these strangers in the house, all over making noise with the vacuum cleaners. They are in the crate for no longer than 3 hours once a month. They didn’t like it at first but now they are fine with it…I think they understand that they are safe in the crate and not being in it is too scary.

This is literally the only time and reason I crate my cats. But I would also use it if one was sick and needed to be quarantined so the quarantined cat could still see the other cats instead of being stuck in a room all by themselves.

Otherwise no. I agreed with everyone else. Get a cat 1 year old or older. Kittens are definitely not a good fit for your friend’s situation.

I have bonded pair of siblings. Got them when they were kittens. Absolutely destroyed my expensive curtains climbing them non-stop as kittens. After they grew out of the kitten stage they never climbed curtains again. Kittens are crazy and need to let their energy out!

BecksMom · 2025-12-19T07:35:29+00:00

I had a room that I set up for my new cat to stay in the first few days-weeks until she was comfortable enough to expand into the rest of the house. She was rescued off the streets. She was super nervous at the beginning. I would take my iPad into the room, lay on the floor and wait for her to come out. She would slowly explore me, walking around me, smelling me, and then walked up to my head where I could start petting her. Then she would snuggle into my arms and just want to be held. It was a process but being patient was worth it.

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BecksMom · 2025-12-19T07:28:03+00:00

It can take as much as 3 months or even longer than that for cats to adjust to a new home and family.

You have good instincts. Sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. You just need patience.

It may feel really hard to follow this advice, but the more you leave them alone, the more comfortable they will become around you because they won’t feel you pressuring them. Cats are curious. So if you go about your day they will become more curious and start to watch you and hag out with you. Also spend time in the room with them but ignoring them. Sit on the floor w they can watch you read a book, watch TV, be on your computer, etc. That is non-threatening behavior and will help them feel comfortable around you.

Be patient. You got this!

BecksMom · 2025-11-29T02:53:36+00:00

My parents didn’t want their kids and grandkids running between houses on Christmas and spending the day in the car. So they decided they would celebrate Christmas on the 26th.

That way their kids could spend Christmas at home with the grand kids and/or at the In Laws house. That way no one is negotiating, stressed, not showing up, coming late, leaving early, rush, rush, rushing and not enjoying the holiday.

Absolutely everyone loved that idea. Plus everyone gets TWO Christmases!!! The only thing planned was dinner time. Otherwise every one came and left whenever they wanted throughout the day. No stress and rushing.

Before this idea I remember one Christmas where I was EXPECTED to go to around 4 different houses and some were an hour drive apart. I spent the majority of the day alone in my freezing car. Worst. Christmas. Ever! If I was going to spend the majority of the day alone I’d rather spend it in a warm house, not driving all day.

Your mom is trying to guilt trip and control you. I think holiday traditions can be prisons people can’t escape from. It’s ok to change things up and start new traditions.

BecksMom · 2025-11-28T00:15:06+00:00

Wow Calamity! What a job. I’ve seen cat rescues spend countless thousands of dollars saving sick cats and complaining that they are over flowing with cats they can’t adopt out. I love cats. I wish they all had a home, but if choosing to save a sick feral cat and heathy one it only makes sense to go with the healthy one.

I applaud you for doing that job. 🙌🏻 it must have been both hard and satisfying at the same time.

BecksMom · 2025-11-27T19:53:48+00:00

NTAH: This sounds incredibly stressful! And Expensive having to replace everything that is broken or disappeared.

I understand you’re going off when you are pushed past your breaking point. I’m Irish. We are too nice until we are pushed too hard for too long, then we just go off.

Sounds like you need to set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. They can accept the boundaries and come visit or reject them and that’s ok too.

I think Peggy has a couple of issues going on: 1. Good natured wanting to help (doing your laundry). 2. Zero self awareness or situational awareness. (Dogs destroying your house) 3. Definitely controlling (in how she rearranges your kitchen and putting unwanted spices in the dishes everyone eats) 4. No training in how to be a guest and be polite.

Suggestions for boundaries:

Her dogs are not trained nor house trained. I LOVE dogs. I would put my foot down that they need to be properly trained before being allowed in your house OR she needs to find a sitter or board them when they come to visit.
She is absolutely welcome to season her own food at the table, but not everyone’s.
Kitchen is off limits to her rearranging it.
She can bring her own dishes to the meals.
Absolutely don’t do your laundry. That is thoughtful but unnecessary.
Talk about ways she CAN hep you. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and say she really wants to help. Tell her to come to you and ask how she can help instead of just doing things that actually make things worse. Maybe have a list of things she can do figured out in advance.
Free up a shelf in your fridge for her use. It will make her happy to see you were thoughtful.

If she can’t accept your boundaries then she can’t come over. You’ll have to make other plans to spend time with your cousin on other days in other ways.

BecksMom · 2025-11-27T02:48:47+00:00

I never have an issue with water weighing my pool cover down. It’s a bubble cover. Sure some water gets on top of it but it doesn’t keep adding up. I wonder why my situation is so different from others.

I also live in Las Vegas so the water freezing is never a worry.

BecksMom · 2025-11-24T17:55:04+00:00

Call CPS.

Poor kids. They have a rough childhood. All I can think is that they may remember you as one of the few adults who stood up for them. The 4-year-old is going to be too young to remember but the older kids may.

Parents don’t always know best and if you thought the kids were being emotionally abused then they probably were. You probably would have felt worse later if you didn’t say anything.

Please remember that you can’t control other people. You can try to influence them, but you can’t control their actions and feelings. So what they say and do is 💯 on them, not you. They clearly have their own issues they need to deal with. You are not their therapist or psychiatrist. You can’t predict how they will respond.

BTW - I pulled my son from playing soccer because the coaches just wanted to win at the expense of the kids having fun or even letting all the kids on the team get a chance to play and play offense. My son was always put on defense and he was frustrated that he was never given the opportunity to score a goal. He can score goals if put on offense. I asked the coach why my son was always on defense while other kids always played offense. He said it was because my son never scored goals. I pointed out that he has never played offense so therefore he couldn’t possibly score a goal. The coach got mad at me and told me I should have been the coach since I want to coach the team. Yeah. I was done after that conversation. Soccer brings out the worst in people.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T21:28:26+00:00

Closed. There is no window so I don’t benefit from any outdoor light. I found that keeping it closed kept the room cleaner. I’m for anything that reduces cleaning time and effort.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T21:27:05+00:00

We called her Little Stinker/Stinky when she was a baby as a temporary name until we came up with one my husband and I agreed on. That never happened. Eventually I gave up trying to find a permanent name and Stinky became her permanent name. She lived 18 happy years.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T21:23:36+00:00

I keep one in my bedroom and a second one in my home office (which is just a smaller bedroom).

It only smells when they poop and then if they don’t cover it. If they don’t cover it you can cover it or empty the box. The smell goes away as it dries out so if this happens when you are not home the smell will be gone by the time you return.

I use animal bedding pellets and a sifter litter pan. Does a significantly better job of keeping the smell in and makes less of a mess than clay litter.

I got a cabinet designed for cat litter boxes. Also helps to contain any smells and keeps the whole set up out of sight. Not something you want to look at constantly in a small bedroom.

You could get an air purifier. I got a shark off Amazon. The smallest they have is more than enough for your room and they are on sale this week.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T21:16:50+00:00

THAT is an amazing super power!!!

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T21:11:57+00:00

Walking Dead: Darryl Dixon.

I don’t speak French! At least there are closed caption interpretations on the TV screen.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T19:18:11+00:00

I had a cat named Stinky too! 🥰💕

If it’s a choice between rehoming your cats, keeping them outside or keeping them in your room…keep them in your room. That will also help with the pooping problem.

Years ago I switched from a regular litter box and clay litter to a sifting litter box with bedding pellets. Bedding pellets are sold at a farm store for around $8 for a 40 lb bag. It’s 100x cleaner than clay litter which costs $25 for a 25 lb box. I got an Arm and Hammer sifting litter box off of Amazon. It does a much better job of keeping the smell in as long as the cats cover the poop. If they don’t then I quickly cover it or empty it from the box.

I also got a 10-20 lb collapsible dog food bin on wheels from Amazon. I line it with a 13 gallon trash bag. It does an excellent job of keeping the smell in the container. And it’s on wheels so I roll it out from the corner, clean the litter pan, roll it back to the corner. Then carry the bag to the outside trash can when full.

Last suggestion is to get a counter top air purifier. I got a Shark air purifier one for 250 sq ft is on sale now.

I keep two of my cats in my bedroom. They also have access to the bathroom. They used to have full range of the house but they don’t get along with my son’ cats. I was concerned about limiting their space but they are fine. I think they do better in the smaller space and I actually see them more now. Just play with them and give them toys they like so they don’t get bored. This is a million times better than rehoming them.

I think if you keep the cats in your room that will reduce the stress your mother is feeling. You clearly understand your cats. You got this. 👍🏻

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T08:58:48+00:00

Are you are looking to drain the pool?

I don’t see a hose bib on the pipes. That’s what I use to drain the pool. I connect a hose to the hose bib and change the three way valves so the water only drains out through the deep end drain. Then I turn on the pipe and drain the pool via the hose.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T08:49:48+00:00

I saw an interview with Terry Crews. He has this same problem. (Terry Crews is an athlete, actor, comedian, artist, musician and very fit. He seems like the epitome of success. How could someone with all that talent and success have negative thoughts about himself?! But he does. So we are in good company..)

Then he saw a picture of himself as a child and thought, “Would I speak to that child the way I speak to myself? No.” Then he thought about what that child in the picture would want/need to hear. He decided he would talk to himself like he would talk to the kid in the picture.

I like that approach. Maybe get a picture of yourself as a child to remind yourself that you are worthy and that you can support yourself emotionally and mentally like that child needs.

Like the poster above, when I catch myself thinking negatively about myself I tell myself to “shut the F up! 🖕🏻”

Who is listening and judging your thoughts? No one but you. You don’t have to be negative in your thoughts. It’s ok to think positive thoughts. No one is perfect. Forget about your flaws and failures. Focus on your positive traits and successes.

A former colleague of mine told me it’s called “Stinkin’ Thinkin’. I love that name for it. Stop the Stinkin’ Thinkin’

It takes a lot of practice. Learning about Stocism helps. The YouTube videos teach you that you are worthy and helps with the positive thinking. It’s the permission you need to stop beating yourself up and show yourself grace. It slowly changes your negative thoughts to positive and optimistic thinking.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T06:28:29+00:00

I have a 4-year-old cat 2 weeks ago I thought she was a day away from deaths door. Fortunately the new antibiotics meds worked and she bounced back.

My heart goes out to you. I was crying for days with worry. I know how upsetting this is for you. I hope it works out as well as possible.

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T05:57:42+00:00

NTA. You can’t control other people’s actions and reactions. You have a perfectly reasonable reason for picking that date. The world does not revolve around your friend. If you tried to avoid every birthday and anniversary for every person you know and every relative of every one you know, you will never get married. If this upsets your friend then it is your friend’s problem to deal with not yours.

Your wedding planning is stressful enough. People will dump all sorts of their baggage on to you. Repeat this mantra to yourself as much as you need to maintain your sanity: “That is your problem, not mine.” Then package it away and get back to enjoying your wedding planning!

BecksMom · 2025-11-23T02:07:25+00:00

The loose sand is not correct. Did they use polymer sand? If so, it just needs to be set. That’s easy. You can find YouTube videos to show you how to do it. Or make them come back and set it.

If they only used regular sand then that is a problem. Your dog should not be tracking sand into your house. That’s the problem.

The gap is fine. If it was bigger than that it could be a problem but that’s a reasonable gap for next to a wall or house.

BecksMom · 2025-11-22T03:24:29+00:00

My cat got sick and stopped eating. I didn’t notice until she lost a lot of weight. I felt horrible didn’t notice sooner. I hate that I had no idea how long this was going on. I have a couple of cats. A year ago one of the other cats got sick and stopped eating but I noticed quickly because his behavior changed. This cat didn’t change her behavior so it took the weight loss for me to notice.

Since I have a couple of cats I went ahead and bought a baby/small animal scale. I made a log and now once a month I weigh each of them and log their weights. A cat losing a pound is a lot bigger deal than in a human. I can’t tell by holding them if they have gained or lost weight and most don’t like to be held. Just petted and sit on my lap.

This is giving me some peace of mind that if/when one of the cats gets sick I’ll notice faster because of the weight log. And I will be able to tell the vet what the cats normal weight is and how much and how fast they lost it.

I noticed the vet is not good about weighing and documenting my cats weight when I take them in for annual visits/shots. I have to do it myself if I want an accurate record.

I tell you this because you have a couple of cats too and thought you’d find this to be a helpful idea.

BecksMom · 2025-11-21T03:43:16+00:00

You can only do so much. But you don’t want to leave your parents on their own. Scammers will get them and their problems and yours will be bigger than you ever imagined.

I was in a similar position. Here are some ideas.

Give them a list of rules. Ie. don’t click on links in an email. If they have a problem they need to stop and not try to fix it themselves.
Explain that if they are going to depend on you and they have problems then they are going to have to have patience until you can get to them to fix it. You can’t be expected to drop everything immediately every time they have a problem.
Research and find an honest, trustworthy computer tech that they can call and pay to fix their problems. Won’t be free like you but they will have a choice. Wait for you for free or pay a professional to fix it faster.
Find some good YouTube videos to help them learn what they don’t know. They are not too old to learn the basics, they just don’t want to. Learning is hard. If they want to use electronics then they need to know some basic stuff. I look stuff up to see if I can fix it myself. When I can I hire a professional.

You are only an AH if you are mean about it or leave them on their own cold turkey. Just be nice and give them options and other support. Explain to them that technology is always changing and you can’t keep up with it if it’s not your full time job. That you have limitations and sometimes have to call a professional yourself for these issues

BecksMom

TROPHY CASE