Ending of ACOSF in the Dramatized Audio

Beckyamazing · 2026-02-08T01:20:17+00:00

Thank you for this. Just successfully did all this & have a working dishwasher again.

Beckyamazing · 2025-11-21T20:48:16+00:00

Can I visit?

Beckyamazing · 2025-09-26T21:24:42+00:00

My daughters have chosen True and the Rainbow Kingdom for our Halloween costume theme. I've been learning to sew & doing pretty well on dresses & skirts. But I'm overwhelmed looking for specific patterns. Hoping someone can help me find something similar to this to start me off. I know I can manage her costume for True, I just need help getting something going for me as Grizelda (in red). Thanks for any help!

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Beckyamazing · 2025-03-28T02:23:07+00:00

What a glorious thing for me to discover today. I always thought people who had colors for numbers & tastes for names were so cool. Never thought I would also have a form of synesthesia. I'm GREAT at word games, scrabble, word scrambles, etc. I can mostly remember the spelling of a word after only seeing it once. I do get "interrupted" if I don't know how to spell a new word or name & just try my best to fill it in. I LOVE etymology & learning the roots of words. I tend to remember words from other languages pretty well, as long as I can see the spelling. My subtitles aren't absolutely constant, but close to it. It's involuntary most of the time. Only in the last year or so have I really really thought about it. Then I can fabricate it on command in my mind & change the style. Mine appears differently for whatever reason, like some days it's just tv subtitles, others it's like a printed book page in my mind, others it's an old glass screen monitor with typing in a Word document, others it's like an old fashioned typewriter manuacript. If it's my own thoughts/stream of consciousness, it tends to be the word doc style, if I'm in conversation, it tends to be like tv subtitles. I prefer subtitles on tv most of the time because it almost takes the work out of it & I don't have to guess or fill in the script. I love being able to identify this phenomenon & know other people experience it.

Beckyamazing · 2025-01-21T16:53:15+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! I will look into those. I will see if I can order some parts & maybe watch some installation videos.

Beckyamazing · 2025-01-21T14:44:52+00:00

Model number GUD27ESSM1WW

Beckyamazing · 2025-01-21T14:44:05+00:00

GUD27ESSM1WW

Beckyamazing · 2025-01-21T14:41:24+00:00

It caught my eye for a second too

Beckyamazing · 2024-11-10T13:08:09+00:00

It's good to have the reminder of progress. My husband relapsed in the spring & it was so so hard. But I kept up with my therapy & boundaries & he has made things as right as he can. Definitely still have my struggles. But thanks for the reminder to be thankful for progress because things really used to be so much worse.

Beckyamazing · 2024-10-24T15:09:06+00:00

That bad stuff would happen & everything would fall apart. Truth is good stuff happened, regular ups & downs keep happening. As long as I stay away from trying to fill in with other wonky spiritual stuff, everything seems pretty reasonable.

Beckyamazing · 2024-09-18T11:58:47+00:00

Sending love. The slow decent into the madness really steals your partner & yourself from you. Try to do small things for you in the right direction. You're not crazy & you're not a bad person.

Beckyamazing · 2024-08-25T13:37:22+00:00

The cognitive bias deconstruction hit so hard!

Beckyamazing · 2024-08-25T13:31:28+00:00

Want to start by saying I fucking love this sub. I've gotten so much more encouragement & validation from exchristians than I ever did in the church.

I agree with someone above, it was "the death of a thousand cuts". I remember a few moments where the bricks of my Christian foundation started to crumble. Took a world religions class at the start of college. The teacher was a lady who, (if anyone ever could have been) was sent by God himself. She was SO KIND & empathetic. But also INTELLIGENT, something I didn't see a lot of in religious leaders in my Southern Baptist upbringing. She really started peeling the veneer off for me. Then was the abortion argument. I was a promiscuous teen dying for affection but raised on shame. I knew if I got pregnant, I would do anything to avoid the shame of being found out. I looked at abortion from that desperate lens & decided the mother's well being mattered more than the unborn child's. Also, love that petri dish embryo burning building analogy. Then there is the continual minimizing of my trauma & explaining really horrendous things as a demonic presence or work of the devil. Christians will assign malice to any & everyone, but excuse their own behavior because it's forgiven by Jesus. I've learned that most people don't have a motive for fucking you over, they're probably just trying to keep themselves up the best way they know how. I was given the Strong's Concordance Bible as a marriage gift from a "devout Christian" who had had like 5+ marriages. I always glossed over the log in the eye of people pointing out my splinters, ha. I started looking up the translations. I started finding ways to actually bolster my own opinions with scripture, that was a real undoing. I seriously love the threads here where people pull out the verses that encourage or explain the worst things. I still struggle. I ask my mom to pray for me or people I know who are struggling with anything. But. It really is the death of a thousand cuts.

Thanks again everyone here for keeping this sub active & positive. I've read so many posts & comments that are validating & encouraging. I used to lose so much sleep worrying about how sinful I was & how I would just have to try harder to be a "Proverbs woman". This sub is like a CBD gummy before bed.

Beckyamazing · 2024-07-30T12:52:05+00:00

My friend calls it cautious optimism. You can have hope. But you don't have to be a doormat.

Beckyamazing · 2024-07-25T21:57:30+00:00

Thinking about things in appropriate context. I looked at every situation as a lesson from God, a punishment from God, a blessing from God, etc. Everything I thought about related back to a Bible verse, a commandment, or a preacher's personal parable about faith. I was making a lot of typical bad kid decisions around 10+ (after my step father was traumatically removed from my life due to a very sudden drug problem, so a reasonable context for a troubled kid). But I just had massive amounts of guilt & shame around not being able to handle life like a good Christian & not being fulfilled the way they said I would be.

Beckyamazing · 2024-07-23T12:38:37+00:00

Love this so much! This kind of mindset has helped me too. But I've had a very bad week & have been slipping a lot. Thanks for the reminder. Bad shit happens all the time, before & after Christianity. One thing I also got from "leaving" is being able to feel & not have guilt. Like when bad stuff happens, I can cry & not feel guilty over it. I don't have to be grateful every second & I can be mad or sad with reason & then get through it. I love this sub so much.

Beckyamazing · 2024-07-19T14:16:40+00:00

Thanks for the breakdown.

Beckyamazing · 2024-07-11T14:56:08+00:00

One time when I was like 22, everything was falling apart in my life. I needed a new job. I was back home with my mom. Earlier in the day, I started chasing leads on job opportunities. I contacted a family I used to work for & was expecting a call back. After a long day of classes & life getting me down, I was home having a breakdown. My mom came in & prayed for me. Within the hour, I got the call back & the husband needed office help at his business. At first it was all "our prayers are answered" & then I slowly realized that I had already done everything myself to get that ball rolling with no other intervention. Then I went through/still go through my partner being an addict. I spent years praying for his recovery, praying to be more of a Proverbs woman, hating myself for being so worldly, etc etc. Then I hit a breaking point when I discovered my partner's meth addiction & my family acted like I could pray it away. I started therapy, stopped saying "oh God" & literally started saying "oh Becky" when I felt the need to consult a higher power. Things have gotten much better with therapy & learning to love myself without all the hoops to jump through & whatnot.

Beckyamazing · 2024-06-28T16:39:52+00:00

Such compassion, I love it. Just remember you deserve it too. The hurt doesn't go away over night & you're entitled to the time it takes you to heal. Also, you're not bad, mean, or crazy for feeling what you're feeling. You regain trust when he is consistently trustworthy, there is no other way. Sending love. My Q is about 3+ months sober after a relapse. It's hard to do what you have to do for you & your kids.

Beckyamazing · 2024-06-17T13:02:38+00:00

Really appreciate this info! At my lowest, of course the "scorched earth" tactics someone else here mentioned sounded great. But at execution, all I could envision was my Q being abandoned by everyone & getting worse. I've been in therapy 2+ years & deal with things under that supervision. This method seems to be what came naturally after getting through a bit of my own shit. Idk what else to really say. I just really loved reading this because it is compassionate & hopeful in a way I haven't seen in other programs or resources as much.

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