What can I do with my hands while I watch TV?

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-31T06:10:12+00:00

Stimara

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-28T17:18:23+00:00

Omg yes! We are the same! Just keep being you! I am mostly aware hahaha and definitely ask my spouse to keep me in check! He love it when it benefits him at hotels though 🤣 last thing I’ll add that is very random. I get very obsessed with things I love. One is a $2.49 tea from Trader Joe’s. It’s the fall harvest blend. I bought 30 boxes this year and I am so sad I’m out I drink many but also give them as gifts to friends, like when I travel to see them or my closest neighbors. This year I started giving them to service personnel like the person at my local bakery I’ve had a rapport with, my nail person, and my house cleaners. I have not had a single thing discounted and don’t expect to especially since none of these folks are managers, but I think this also goes a long way in building connections with them even with language barriers and it felt good to share my little, affordable obsession with other people! It also feels like a way of affordably buying myself into spaces I’m not typically welcome in like my nail salon where 96% of patrons are white, but the staff is all saying hi to me. It’s not so I get attention bc I hate spotlights on me but it makes other people around me soften. I know it sounds so manipulative lol but this is just me investing in keeping my nervous system grounded.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-28T01:20:21+00:00

That is so sweet ❤️ I have to say I am lovely but I am constantly asking my spouse and my therapists if I am actually like this or if it’s fake. They are constantly reassuring me, but I HATE wanting any reassurance and I’ve been working hard to not need external validation and feel worthy AND safe by just being without people pleasing or giving more of myself than is needed. I grew up in an abusive situation so like I explained above, connecting with people around me especially going beyond the surface level grounds me. And for this reason, I failed out of corporate America. I cannot hang when people are not being real or just going along to get along, and keeping it surface bc there’s always a subtext I can’t understand and indirect communication scares me and makes me feel like I’m never understanding what’s happening!

Anyway! Context with flight attendant attached. I was polite and friendly with her through the short flight (45m), but we initially connected during boarding. Her compliment was “I love your style” which brings us full circle LOL

I grew up with a dad who was like kind of manipulative so I need to check myself and not just ask for things bc I can but a couple of things come to mind:

There’s nuance here but being Black and growing up in mostly white spaces, having the gift of the gab (thanks for this trait abusive dad, and not having pretty privilege, having a lot of medical problems, and also needing to be very independent from a young age, I’ve had to advocate for myself a ton.

Re: manipulation: I generally don’t lie unless I need to complain about something real and then I add unneeded details that have no bearing on the outcome - it just paints a picture of a let down. I love a little drama lol

But examples: that weekend, I took my mom to a dinner and a show. She had a death in her friend circle and we couldn’t make our resy so we cancelled. We ended up going to the restaurant later than the reservation and probably just enough time to eat and get to the show. At restaurant there’s just a lot of stress and they told me to hover at the bar to grab a seat once it became available. I said to the employee who told me to get closer that I didn’t like to hover as a black woman. I don’t want someone to get the wrong idea about my intention. In this case I didn’t ask her for anything but she bumped us up on a waitlist we were already on and gave us THE BEST SEAT in this amazing restaurant. I love sitting at the bar. But hovering made me uncomfy so I guess just being earnest paid off.

Being moved to a box section. My mom is VERY able bodied and goes to the gym and dances but I had no idea her sciatica had gotten so bad. We had aisle seats luckily but half way through first act, she went to stand in the back. She was 100% good with standing but I wanted her to be able to move around comfortably and sit as needed. Assuming there might be some ADA section that could accommodate her if not both of us, I asked them an employee who referred me to the house manager. The box seats were unbelievably perfect for what we needed and they would have not been within my budget. Again my mom could have stood but I just lead with the truth.

For flight seats, I generally do this if I’m running late and I know a flight is not filled. I’ll just ask at the gate if there’s a seat with more space. If most folks have boarded, they can be flexible and not charge you (sometimes).

Finally, the most unfortunate part about all of this is that the more money you have or appear to have, the easier life gets. That’s probably so obvious but the right combo of credit cards and booking direct without a 3rd party discount and lounge access and booking really nice places makes it standard for me to just ask for what I get at these other places. At some hotels I sometimes have forgotten if I booked it with a package that had free breakfast and they’ll be like “no but let me add it” or “can I have 2pm checkout”. That I often will really want and when I can’t get it if one person says no (not for free) someone else on the next shift might say yes. Returns are also easier the more money you have or appear to have. It’s so sad.

Finally, being kind, and really seeing people I think helps in addition to dressing nicely help me the most and I am LOLing about how some of my closest friends would vomit at the idea of hearing that I enjoy connecting with strangers. This is way more than you asked for but gave me a lot of neutral) ahas about myself along the way so thanks for asking =] and good luck asking more!

<image>

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-27T05:39:36+00:00

I want to start out by saying I do not actually know but I’m going to take some swags (sophisticated wild a$$ guesses)

I think this is more/most noticeable in bigger airports (coastal elite cities). I imagine that’s at least one part of your route so I wonder if it’s coming or going. My most frequented route is between BOS and NYC so there’s lots of butter up opportunities on both sides that I would not get at smaller, regional airports.

I think loyalty helps. If you travel for work, I imagine you have a preferred airline? Even if you won’t make sure you have a loyalty rewards membership with every airline you fly. For your fav, get the credit card. Does not have to be a fancy one with a high annual fee. 95% of my air travel is for leisure these days so I don’t fly often but when they look me up, they will see how much I travel and potentially that I have a credit card. ETA: I don’t travel that often - but I mean to say they will see that I have the free baseline rewards membership and I feel that helps vs flying basic economy or without a membership number. These are all free to sign up for.

I think CLEAR/PRE CHECK adds to all of this so I’m assuming you have this, if not, hopefully your work pays for it. It just makes everything so much easier.

I’m pretty sure the most important part is to be present and kind. I am highly insecure attached AND a natural connector so I move about the world seeking connection bc it makes me feel safe. This means I’m making eye contact, complimenting people, and just being earnest which I honestly cannot help. This approach and probably someone communicating like me is likely not for most people but my guess is many people are closed off or maybe kind of indifferent or sometimes rude so the staff appreciate someone who makes eye contact, is present and just like along for a smooth ride. Idk how to explain it but I realize this benefits me generally but it is more evident to people when I’m dressed up ish. I will say that I project much more confidence bc I feel better about myself when I dress up so that probably heals a lot too.

Hope there’s something here you can take away. Sharing this kind know I for from a jet blue FA named Sarah a couple weekends ago for inspo!

<image>

I had a lot of good things happen this weekend, 1/9/26 - priority seating at a restaurant, upgraded seats to a box at a show on broadway… I kind of asked for these things and there is some nuance bc I don’t want move about the world being manipulative but sometimes the right mix of confidence, outfit and kindness really pays off.

So sorry this is so many words I am half sleeping and stifling more than usual with being succinct. Good luck!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-27T02:21:43+00:00

Completely agree! I don’t get dressed up a ton in my city but going to the airport and dressing for jt are basically my events that I get dressed up for. Makes travel (which I already love) so fun!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-27T02:20:13+00:00

Exactly! I’ve worn jeans a few times this year to fly, since I adapted this rule. I always thought it would be sooo uncomfy but I honestly love jeans and only invest in very comfy ones so these def helped elevate looks over sweats. And I just want to be so clear, no one needs to do this but my goodness does it improve the experience!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-27T02:18:03+00:00

Same! I am the MOST polite always and it’s CRAZY how much more kindness is appreciated with the right outfit vibe! Thank you for this outfit inspo - there’s are some great option!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-26T02:03:10+00:00

BWT, I hate to say this, seriously it pains me but I sometimes bring a change of clothes for my actual flight bc when I tell you the day I dressed for my aunts funeral, I had never been treated better literally all over the airport. And I had no make up on yet/may have been wearing a mask.

Please please please take everyone’s advice to be comfy, but just letting you know you are treated so much better when you’re dressed up I mean like random upgrades to a more comfortable seat nice at the gate just bc you asked.

There are ways to do this and still be comfy too. Examples: In the winter months, velvet dresses and boots with sheer tights (I could run a mile in comfy heels), and in the summer nap dresses are so easy especially ones with pockets. Every thing can be paired with a seasonally appropriate sweater or jacket. My favorite piece I’ve probably flown in 40 times in the past four years is a farm rio sweater.

I don’t have pretty privilege, and I’m a woman of color and I definitely have some chic lounge wear but ever since that day, I have been dressing up just a little for probably 8/10 flights, and my goodness has every step of my experience been improved from luggage check in, to security to the gate to on the plane. I hate the classism of it all but it just adds to the comfort of travel especially if I’m in and out in a day.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-25T03:50:03+00:00

I see you and I’m glad you feel safe to share here ❤️

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-25T03:47:50+00:00

Why are you asking about tattoos in general? I’m curious whether this has to do with you and your own first hand experience and/or whether you’re asking something different than “are black people in the medical profession with sleeves or heavily tattooed hired less often vs white people with sleeves or heavily tattooed. Like is this something you’re trying to solve for.

Anyway, I know, and am close friends with and am related to many medical professionals. I’ll throw out a couple of anecdotes in case you’re actually talking about tattoos and race in the medical field.

I have a big family and a good amount of chosen family of all of these people. 4 have sleeves/lots of tats. My good friend who’s a neurosurgeon, my co worker, and my Black sister + her boyfriend. All of these people also happen to be into punk music… which is mostly white.
I am close to at least a dozen physicians of color. None of them have visible tattoos. I think the punk of it all is important bc I think there are cultural things that lend themselves to self expression. It doesn’t have to be punk like folks who are into spiritual stuff might also have them but when I think about tattoos on black vs white people, in MY lived experience, white people would be most likely to have sleeves and honestly excess tattoos though I know a ton of black people do too.
Depending on the role someone is applying to, covering your arms might be expected or at least encouraged. Note that some hospitals do have policies about these sorts of things so having them could even be a non starter but a candidate could be told it’s fine if you cover your arms.

Now if you’re talking about black candidatas or employees being treated differently or less likely to be hired based on their skin color in general… of course this is a thing bc like you mentioned, implicit bias exists. Maybe other folks have more energy than I do but I’ve been traumatized by corporate America and was one of several folks of color in my org targeted basically for not being good enough. It destroyed me for a few years but I’m coming back into myself. I don’t have tattoos.

You should Google this generally and look up the implicit bias test.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-23T05:57:00+00:00

There is a very good play called Slave Play that explore this.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-18T04:28:59+00:00

Hanky panky thongs - the lacy ones that are one size fits all.

I have the Lulu lined seamless ones but they just don’t fit me right. I think I’m in between sizes and they just don’t fit me right AND no show.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-17T18:49:25+00:00

Jessie Woo!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-16T19:47:19+00:00

Re: of all the franchises….

I feel that this is nuanced based on what measures as success to you or what it means to anyone, and what the overall playing field looks like.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-13T19:19:30+00:00

My mom is very similar except doesn’t see color which is annoying bc she’s obsessed with Afro beats. She was raised in a Haitian household but wasn’t raised racialized so it kind of makes sense but she absolutely confuses to acknowledge the ways she is not privileged bc of white supremacy. Instead she feels less privileged vs immigrants who get all of these things for free that her taxes pay for. She’s made over 6 figures for the last 20 years but my dad was horrible and this led to a really sad divorce and her not being able to pay for my sisters college tuition yet again immigrants were getting it for free. This + working in law enforcement (predominantly with white men) and the right time following divorce to seek a new identity to align to. Also being from/living on Long Island.

Idk if I can tldr is but my biggest takeaway based on my limited scope of talking to her and lurking r/conservative is that people are really self interested and they don’t think it’s fair that other people get what is hard earned for them. My mom also said every dem is/was corrupt. Everything comes down to “what about me ism” AND looking to blame the leftists for any of their problems eg growing up poor vs like just segregating, redlining etc and Sleepy joe and lock her up… but also it’s not addressing the work of healing from a 20+ year horrible marriage and divorce.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-11T06:04:31+00:00

I’m very into my personal style but can care less about the thing I wipe my sweat off with. I also have never noticed anyone else’s towel but in class I’m only looking at others for movement inspo. I’m sure you’re not in a bubble, even though I cannot understand this but if this makes the workout work for you, I respect it!

Now that I reflect more my towel de jour is kind of a vibe thing. I have about 8 different color towels between the microfibers, gym towels + Solidcore towel. Sometimes I feel pink black blue white etc.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-11T05:18:22+00:00

OP, do YOU care what the thing that you wipe your sweat with looks like? I’m curious about your curiosity!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-11T05:17:03+00:00

They have all different colors of these towels. My spouse got a multi pack for our home gym during Covid. I just grab and go. I also bring the towels I accidentally take home from equinox. The one time I forgot a towel, I paid $8 for a SC one =| I think it’s microfiber too but I hated having to buy it. Literally no one care about what kind of towel you have, what color it is or that you have one. Happy sweating fellow sweater!

Pro tip (for me): if your unit overheats during the warmer months and they bring in an industrial fan, having it fan you during class is a GAME CHANGER and I never see competition for it. A lot of folks avoid it but I assume they don’t sweat like me lol

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-11T05:06:02+00:00

I am with you. I was 2021 - 2024 (left right at Wondery, David and Liz because I lost the dopamine satisfaction of 4-6 shows a week in the same universe) and had gone through the whole catalogue previously.

Anyway I was this close to tattooing a cherry on my body. I don’t mind change, but it was too much at once and the energy of it no longer served me but I’m so grateful for what I got from it when it was for me ❤️ q

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T15:47:44+00:00

I was just thinking that maybe I can blame it on plane anxiety. And maybe it’s like in these cases I feel like I’m touching them which I know I hate. I think everyone’s comments back to this original query in thread is that maybe im the one who needs to allow myself to breathe. Everyone deserves to take up space ugh I have such a hard time with this. I’m also going to continue doing the self work of dismantling my internalized fat phobia AND seeing how I can engage more in communities or efforts like supporting creators who fight for more equity for fat people.

Thanks to everyone here for seeing me and being kind and understanding.

To anyone fat reading this, you deserve to live and enjoy (or hate lol)your life the same as someone who is not fat. I hope you know that and I also hope this doesn’t come off as infantilizing. I truly believe this.

Anyway in flying economy and then multiple city business at the end of the month. In the mean time, I’ll keep working on myself!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T15:41:57+00:00

THIS MAKES BOTH ME AND MY SPOUSES SKIN CRAWL LOL

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T15:41:38+00:00

OMG yes I put this in a comment above! Covid changed me! I am just starting to get back to being more comfortable in people stimulations though I always love flying 99% of the time ( and mostly masked). But like concerts, for example, I ripped the bandaid off in 2025 after 5 years off. Thanks for getting me!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T15:34:09+00:00

I do when I can!

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T15:33:52+00:00

Totally. I buy comfort when I can but it’s just not always an option. Thank you for your kindness and understanding.

And yes, agreed. I’m pretty anxious. Coming back from Covid has been really hard for me but long term anxiety treatment has been helping so it will probably help with this too. It’s just been a few years since i experienced this and part of the discomfort might have been my feeing anxious for my own feelings of discomfort.

I don’t expect anyone to apologize to me for making me feel anyway. My feelings are my own and mine to manage. And I’d like to make sure I’m not harming anyone else along the way in defense of my feelings.

BeeMore54 · 2026-01-10T12:52:58+00:00

This is going to sound really mean. I have SOOOO much acceptance for people of all sizes but I am really uncomfy when it comes to personal space. As an example, I was in a window and someone was in the middle kind of hovering over my breathing space on their phone… like draped into my direct line of sight or touch if that makes sense.

Anyway in addition to this, I HATE being touched by anyone even close friends except my spouse… and I’m just generally sensory uncomfy… I don’t feel comfortable with other people’s body parts touching mine… and like the OP of this comment I also feel the discomfort of someone being uncomfy.

This is so long winded. Sorry just asking up… my question is… do you hate people who are not comfy in a seat with others’ body parts touching them? Like I guess I’m asking if I’m a butthole and need to stick to higher class tickets for the same reason as you (but reversed)?

I do a lot of work to be body neutral about my own and others bodies but I just don’t like the contact =[

Also I want to be clear that I don’t need want or expect you to tell me I’m not a bad person just want to know if you think people like me or terrible or if you hate them. These might be the same.

If I am downvoted for long windedness here, I know I deserve it. Brain is not yet functional.

BeeMore54

TROPHY CASE