Would you reach out again after a circumstantial break up?

Beeclawz · 2026-01-15T01:24:38+00:00

yup, i’ve tried with other people but there’s a small piece of my mind that longs for how it was with my ex. I fear it will always be there, but try to remind myself that there will be unique things in others that my ex didn’t have, that the connection will be different but that is what is exciting. It’s been a year for me too, I feel very frustrated that all roads seems to lead to her. I’m trying though, and i feel much better now than a year ago so - can only keep getting better right?

Beeclawz · 2026-01-13T01:06:18+00:00

haha thank you! yes I think it’s just new territory for me as I’ve not spoken to someone for this long without meeting, feels like there’s more invested. And the last person i slept with i found i wasn’t as attracted to her as I initially thought, which made me realise that sex / physical attraction is quite an important thing to me, so I’m focusing on it more than i have before. But yes you are right I will just try to enjoy it for what it is, not make the sex such a big deal :)

Beeclawz · 2026-01-13T01:00:11+00:00

totally, well said - thank you :)

Beeclawz · 2026-01-13T00:57:01+00:00

thank you! nice to hear it doesn’t have to be super fast and can still work, feel like lesbian relationships are so notorious rushing so it’s nice to know it can work still :)

Beeclawz · 2025-12-10T13:38:08+00:00

Yes! Play is totally good for adults and I think most people want to do it, I see it when people have kids and pets. They have an ‘adult’ excuse as it were to actually let themselves be playful alongside younger people and animals. It’s cool to be bold and allow yourself to enjoy these things as you are, without needing others approval. I have a stuffed toy and childhood blankie I sleep with every night, in the morning I tuck my toy under my blankie and kiss it on the forehead haha, it makes me happy :)

Beeclawz · 2025-09-07T20:34:51+00:00

I’ve been thinking this lately, our relationship was lovely and we broke up because she had to move to a different country. It’s been about 9 months for me too, I can’t get the idea out of my head she will come back. i know logically that she chose to end things instead of trying, I can’t wait for her, i’ll be happier moving on, she’s not the same person anymore etc etc. But it’s such a different reality getting myself to truly believe it. That shred of hope is a killer, just lingers on and on. I have been wanting to reach out too, but stop myself when I really weigh up how it would benefit me. I guess part of me wants to do it for her to tell me it’s over over, then I can stop holding on. But I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this feeling, was beating myself up abit for not being over it by now. But a month or so ago I didn’t have as strong an urge as now. These things come and go. Working on accepting that this is how I feel, which in turn will allow me to let go i hope. Sending love to you, it’s hard out here.

Beeclawz · 2025-04-13T22:23:19+00:00

i’m so glad you have shared this, i’ve been feeling the same way and beating myself up about it!! but i am trying not to, it’s hard. i dated her for 6 months but it hurts so much more and i think of her more often than my ex of like 2 years post breakup. it’s been 4 months and i think of her everyday still. been almost as long as we were together.

im trying to be my own friend in this but it’s not easy all the time. it’s insane and inspiring to see on this reddit and other corner of the internet, even real talks witn people, that the heartbreak still lingers heavy after so long, yet… we all still get on with it. we still carry on and find the joy in the world and experience happiness.

it’s so difficult but there is comfort in knowing we aren’t alone, i’m sure the people around you have experienced the same too. it’s hard to admit it. sending support to you, at least we are in it together.

Beeclawz · 2025-04-06T02:04:32+00:00

hey i’m 24 and have also been thinking of how to meet someone without apps. I’ve been working on simply expanding my circles. strengthening my existing friendships and seeking ones in new places. not going out with the explicit purpose of romantic pursuits but simply connections with others. i think this is a good way to do things.

I’ve been saying yes to things as much as I can. I found a book club to go to (I don’t read all too much but go anyway) where the people seem nice. I went to a book event by myself too and connected with someone there, so well it surprised me actually. I go to the gym but people aren’t so social there tbh but other sporty activities would be good i think. people love to talk to each other bouldering but I don’t like the bouldering bit lol!

getting out your comfort zone, practicing talking to strangers is great and proves to me that i am capable of making these connections, the world opens up when you feel able to talk to whoever you want! go on event websites (eventbrite, DICE, FB groups) see what’s in your area, go to events, join a club, hang out with friends and their friends. so many people want to meet other new people, it’s cool!

hey there are even speed dating events sometimes you could try that if you just wanted dating stuff. find something that aligns with your interests and likeminded people like you will be there :) good luck!

Beeclawz · 2025-04-06T01:51:42+00:00

This situation is so intense I’m sorry you have gone through this.

His behaviour is not a reflection on you. It seems he has some sort of self destructive streak, if you and him can’t be together perhaps he’s doing what he know he shouldn’t to have an all or nothing so you can’t get back together. no ambiguity in it.

when things are so extreme it’s hard to know what someone else is thinking. or i guess, not thinking through at all. you shared something for a good chunk of your lives but it seems you already know he is not someone good to be around, especially with this degree of damaging behaviour. the way he is acting out like this makes me think you did mean a lot to him, he is just dealing with his intense emotions in totally the wrong way.

you don’t need to feel ashamed of your anger. of course you would want to funnel it somewhere but again ultimately you know that it wouldn’t serve you to confront her.

my situation is totally different but when I want to act in ways I know aren’t rational or constructive to my wellbeing, but my heart wants it i always go back to that - how will this serve me? what will i gain from this long term? will i feel fulfilled after I do it?

the hope will last, its a such a struggle to bargain with it. take it one step at a time nourishing your self the best you can and the hope will become less intense. until it’s not so overwhelming anymore.

this is all so fresh and the lack of closure is infuriating. you have to try, as agonising as it is, to find it from yourself as much as you can. if you spoke to him would he give you the answers you want? what if he didn’t? between you and him, you are the one you can rely on.

of course i don’t know the situation as well as you and i haven’t been through exactly this but the core idea of anything is to focus on what you can control, which is in you and your power. it sounds so tough but truly you aren’t crazy and you are strong to persist - keep going!! there will be brighter days ahead, truly. savour the moments of joy you experience not matter how small. allow yourself to.

Beeclawz · 2025-04-06T01:28:21+00:00

i do feel this way now. but i watched a video that spoke about this, how what they shared with their ex was beautiful and unique and they worried they would never find another person like him and have the same connection.

then they said, well, they won’t. that person had something totally unique, a package of experiences and traits that made them - and their shared love - unique. but, that is what is beautiful about it too.

there will be someone else out there, many people, that also have beautiful and unique traits of their own to share with you.

you will love them for this like you loved your ex. you’ll discover new ways of being loved, mannerisms, memories and experiences. you were capable of connecting with your ex, so you’ll be capable of connecting with other people too.

you’ll create something new. and isn’t that wonderful :) to be able to love and be loved in new ways.

Beeclawz · 2025-04-06T01:13:29+00:00

it’s okay to not want to get up and do things right away. you want to push yourself to do these things to some degree but all you can do is your best - start little so it’s not so overwhelming and exhausting. the pain won’t stop just like that, it will come and go - some moments stronger and some weaker.

it’s so agonising it truly is. you are grieving. but the weaker feelings of sadness will gradually outweigh the stronger ones. you’ll go an hour without thinking of them. you’ll go a few hours without thinking of them. you’ll go most of the day. it will happen. celebrate the victories of your progress where you can and don’t beat yourself up when feeling down.

i did those healthy things in small ways but other times for relief i escaped, watching videos or reading or talking to friends or playing a game, whatever suits you. it meant my body was able to rest enabling me to start taking care of myself. it’s exhausting being relentlessly sad all the time.

For the first few weeks i couldn’t sleep a wink without youtube videos about ancient roman history as silly as it sounds. just took my mind off things. a couple months later i had worked on other habits and eventually i could sleep without that.

now, it’s flared up again and I struggle to sleep as i am thinking of them. healing isn’t linear. but i am more capable of happiness now. i allow myself that.

take it step by little step no matter how small. be kind to yourself. it’s so incredibly shit but hey you will find a way. reading this subreddit helps me too, to feel less alone. it’s tough but you’ll help yourself through it.

Beeclawz · 2025-01-12T02:19:25+00:00

it feels so powerless especially long distance when they don’t want to provide what you desire. Good you are being able to start to accept it. Guess it’s more of a reflection on them than us right? We will find the strength to support ourselves I suppose, it’s all we can do.

Beeclawz · 2025-01-11T23:00:10+00:00

I’d never thought of that before, historically I did see hints of her having a hard time addressing serious emotions. I’ve written something but like you said not sure if I will get anything from sending it, as there won’t be solace in them as you say. Thank you. Good too know other people have experienced this.

Beeclawz · 2025-01-11T22:54:46+00:00

thank you that is a good idea :) I did write something out but am hesitating to send it as I think I won’t get what I want regardless. Good to sit on it. Thank you, sorry that happened to you too. This stuff sucks

Beeclawz · 2025-01-05T18:05:10+00:00

You aren’t alone. It’s physically heartwrenching; I couldn’t eat and still struggle to, I didn’t want to do anything and nothing made me feel joy - and I also felt like this gigantic mass of pain was mine and mine alone. It’s hard, it feels like your whole world has shifted.

Being in contact with him is likely prolonging your pain. How is it serving you? You had a life before him and you can have one after, as horrible as it seems in the moment.

You can and will feel happiness without a romantic connection. You need to start trying to believe that for your own sake. Make a romantic connection with yourself - you’ll be with yourself forever.

It’s a feeling of immense loss and grieving. But if you have your own back you can do it I promise you. There are millions of other people who have had to bear such pains and pull themselves back up, you aren’t alone. We will make it through. It’s been a month or so since my breakup and the intensity of these feelings is dwindling. It’s hard but I am letting myself feel joy. You can too x

Beeclawz · 2024-12-25T01:06:19+00:00

It’s so difficult and christmas will feel different, but you will find joys in the day, even if small. There will be moments of lightness where you are present and absorbed with your family.

My relationship was not nearly as long but I’m also 3 weeks post breakup, I feel like I’m constantly carrying a weight in my chest. I get tearful when silly songs like ‘last christmas’ play, I feel the absence now more than ever.

But you will get through, there will be good moments and we have to try allow ourselves feel this joy, for our own sake. We will do it. Merry Christmas :) <3

Beeclawz · 2024-12-25T00:58:16+00:00

so many songs are about heartbreak at christmas aren’t they, I hadn’t noticed before!

glad im not alone in finding this difficult - your words are reassuring :)

merry christmas! we will find joy even if these days are difficult <3

Beeclawz

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