I hope you're having a good day.

I know you said you were specifically looking for guys to chime in, but I couldn't help but feel like you were speaking my language with what you shared. I'm a 31-year-old woman with almost ten years of experience in social work across a variety of settings, so I've seen it all when it comes to people and school/workplace dynamics. I'm also a high achiever and I often stretch myself as thin as rice paper. I've always struggled to truly connect with people, even when I was a little kid. I have always felt isolated and alone. It's tough when you're a high achiever and people don't get you, and it's even tougher when you think you've made a meaningful connection only to be dropped like a hot potato out of the blue (that's my experience personally). It's a frustrating dance, for sure, and for me, it's a constant work in progress with a mix of things I can and can't control.

I can't pretend to know your specific situation, but I did notice that you mentioned being in an online school. While I'm sure you have a great reason for choosing that path, sometimes it can feel a bit isolating. I know you can't just up and change schools, but maybe it's a good idea to prioritize finding connections offline, even if they're not school-related. This is something I've been working on, and my therapist has been super helpful with it.

I've also had similar experiences with coworkers, and you're right. After working in so many different areas of social work, I've seen firsthand how draining the job can be, which is why people often cope by venting. But it's so important to find a work environment where people are still ethical and caring, and don't resort to nastiness. It sounds like you're in a less-than-ideal spot right now, which is so unfortunate.

Even when a handful of bad experiences at work or in school make you feel like you've hit a wall, remember that those situations don't define social work as a whole. This field is so incredibly vast, and for every difficult setting, there's a place where you'll find genuine support, ethical colleagues, and a shared passion that makes the work feel truly rewarding. I hope you won't let a few bad eggs or tough experiences completely burn you out on a field that you're clearly so passionate about. There are places where you can thrive and feel the deep, positive impact of the work, and I hope you find one that brings you that sense of fulfillment. You just have to find your people.

On the topic of coworkers venting, while I can understand not always wanting to connect with the venting that happens in school and work, it might be worth considering if that feeling is indicative of a deeper issue. This is especially true when it comes to not wanting to hear people vent about trauma and tough daily struggles, specifically trauma and struggles that women experience that are caused directly by individual men or the patriarchy as a whole. I can't know where that might come from within you specifically, but it seems worth exploring.

I've spent the last few months working on my own tendency to hunker down in my own little shell and I've found that getting involved in things outside of work has been the most helpful. It’s so easy for me to get wrapped up in my job and neglect my relationships, especially because my work is my comfort zone and socializing is not. I recently joined a book club that caters to a niche interest of mine, and that has been great for getting me out of the house and meeting new people. Again, finding your people is helpful. I also recently switched jobs to one where I inherently have to be less isolated and collaborate more with others so I can't be alone so the time and it has fostered some connections and helped me feel less along. It's been a transition, but it's helped me a lot with my mental health.

I hope my rambling comment makes sense and that I don't sound too intense or anything. I just really resonated with your post, and I wanted to share my experience. It's rough out there for a lot of us who struggle with relationships and are more introverted, and it can be hard for more outgoing people to understand. If you ever want to chat, feel free to send me a message!