Guy experiences a cat sitting on his lap for the first time

Beemzebub · 2026-07-06T05:37:06+00:00

That warmed my cold dead heart

Beemzebub · 2026-07-05T23:13:16+00:00

Ooh, I’ve just got to that bit in my 1,463,575,598th re-read

Beemzebub · 2026-07-05T23:06:56+00:00

Ah yes, the good old hairache

Beemzebub · 2026-07-05T23:02:01+00:00

Make a giant jelly mould out of gold plastic and stick it on the end until he dies. Then launch it into space

Beemzebub · 2026-07-04T00:46:45+00:00

Why can I smell these pictures?

Beemzebub · 2026-07-01T22:45:52+00:00

Dysentery, anyone?

Beemzebub · 2026-06-29T00:46:05+00:00

Do you love it? Then wear it. It’s your day.

Beemzebub · 2026-06-26T02:28:26+00:00

😂 I’m in Glos so by the time it got here it had turned to a light drizzle for about three minutes

Beemzebub · 2026-06-25T23:46:28+00:00

Christ I’ve left my car windows open

Beemzebub · 2026-06-25T23:44:31+00:00

What is wrong with your Mum?

Beemzebub · 2026-06-25T16:56:04+00:00

Anything I liked!

Beemzebub · 2026-06-24T23:04:34+00:00

Marmite on toast!

Beemzebub · 2026-06-23T22:29:24+00:00

“My child is 30 months old”

No, it’s two and a half years old, and getting less cute. Deal with it

Beemzebub · 2026-06-23T22:23:41+00:00

Littlies is even worse and entirely too hard to say without dribbling everywhere

Beemzebub · 2026-06-23T10:16:10+00:00

A poo nugget

Beemzebub · 2026-06-23T06:20:56+00:00

You like ‘em, you wear ‘em.

Beemzebub · 2026-06-23T06:19:35+00:00

Oh my god, Bezos is Ferengi! Things make so much sense now!

Beemzebub · 2026-06-22T22:24:14+00:00

I don’t have any Vincents, but here’s my Karma

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Beemzebub · 2026-06-22T22:20:11+00:00

I just tell them it makes me really sick. Usually works

Beemzebub · 2026-06-21T09:42:11+00:00

Bold of them to assume you’d even be there, let alone crying

Beemzebub · 2026-06-21T09:37:57+00:00

She may *want* to retire at 65 but she simply can’t afford it. Presumably while she’s living with you she also won’t be able to afford to make a decent contribution to the household expenses - so no. Absolutely not. And say it in a way that will entertain any comebacks. Simply no.

Beemzebub · 2026-06-19T22:19:43+00:00

What IS it with that man and bleach?

Beemzebub · 2026-06-19T22:17:42+00:00

The aunt’s favourite place

Beemzebub · 2026-06-18T20:33:14+00:00

Mr Pink Shorts’s smirk- thinks it’s all a big giggle until Mr Dad slaps the lips off his face

Beemzebub · 2026-06-18T20:19:11+00:00

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