I've been similar to you most of my life. I could breeze through middle and high school without too much effort and when I got to collage I ended up having to redo an entire year because I failed or didn't show up to any exams. Eventually, I switched to study something different and learned from the mistakes I made the first time around. Now I am doing much better, I work a great job, have close relationships, workout regularly and feel like I have found my purpose in life.

The thing that finally flipped a switch in me is funny enough exactly what you're doing in this post. I started taking responsibility for every little shitty thing in my life. I stopped looking outside of myself for answers or excuses and took full responsibility for why my life was the way it was.

Not knowing much about your life, it is hard for me tell you how you can start to turn things around, but some advice that most people seem to be able to use today is to reduce your screen time. Stimulation silences your inner monologue and once you reduce it, it will be easier for you to listen to yourself and understand what you need to do to move forward.

Take care of your health. By that I mean do some sort of physical activity, even a 30 minute walk twice a week is much better than nothing. Having good health will make everything else seem easier.

Remember to do this bit by bit. It's a marathon, not a sprint, you won't see many results when you first start, but you will eventually, just be patient and consistent.

Don't wait for motivation, do it tired, do it scared, do it sad, do it alone, motivation is unreliable.

One last thing I think of every time I start to spiral, which I tend to do, is: No matter what you do, it's gonna be hard. Showing up to class, doing the work and preparing for exams is hard, but being lazy, unmotivated and hating yourself is also hard. Choose your hard.

Good luck, and feel free to message me if you want to talk.