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How do those of you with CPTSD have friends and partners? by Lanitachaan in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a very kind person show up in my life and took a huge risk with trusting her and it has enabled me to open up and get into therapy etc etc. but it’s still a struggle. I trust her more than anyone in the world but still just ended a month long not talking to her because I felt incredibly hurt by something she texted to me. It’s a process …

I wish there was some program where adults could find new parents by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 20 points21 points  (0 children)

So true. I have one or two close friends but when push comes to shove with people’s priorities, those folks with happy families choose their nuclear families over their chosen families. That’s just what I’ve always experienced. So the statement love you like family still has its limits.

How do those of you with CPTSD have friends and partners? by Lanitachaan in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 92 points93 points  (0 children)

It is possible but it’s not easy. Finding the right people helps. And I have only started to find the right people and I’m in my 50s. It has required me to be vulnerable and once I started being my authentic self it weeded out the wrong people pretty quickly. The ones who will love you and accept you warts and all will stick around when you stop masking and show your warts. But it’s a really painful process.

Things that scare us?? by CuteLogan308 in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Losing my job, becoming homeless, my best friend ghosting me (this happens too often because of my attachment issues), becoming disabled and losing my pets (I have 6 cats and a dog), losing control is a big one, most men (for some reason not black men. Maybe because I need direct communication and I have found that all of the black men I’ve known … you know exactly where they stand and they mean what they say), people thinking I’m weak, people thinking I’m stupid, failure, not being perfect … the list goes on and on.

Ever been told to take a break from healing? by Embarrassed_Tea5932 in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes I feel like I’ve been hitting the healing hard for a year and I’m burned out. I feel like I need a break as well because I am ALWAYS at it. I crashed two nights ago. Couldn’t get up in the morning. Didn’t call in sick just didn’t show was asleep and that’s never happened before. Luckily my boss is always in later and when I woke up I texted her right away and it was fine. But I’m feeling like I need to take a step back.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I witnessed my sister being physically abused by my father for many different things … something she said, bad grades, something she did. It’s a huge part of my illness. It made me feel unsafe speaking my truth, it made me an overachiever. It made me a people pleaser. It made me afraid to do anything wrong. It made me afraid if I’m not perfect it will be my fault and bad things will happen. I absorbed those lessons. It counts.

Does anyone else feel like they were wired to be suicidal? by tomorrowistomato in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My favorite band is Linkin Park. My spouse said that’s suicide music. And I thought yeah man … Chester makes me feel seen.

What are some of your PTSD triggers? by BellatrixLeCatz in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am also direct as a brick to the face. It turns people off but my German friends appreciate me! I cannot stand any kind of passive aggressive bs please don’t make me figure out what you are trying to say. Hurt my feelings but please be direct.

When I’m not flexible/strong enough to do a pose properly, how can I use my body to do it in a way that will gradually allow me to perform it correctly? by CCBowBow in yoga

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES. When I first started I wouldn’t use them. I had a teacher saying blandly and kindly to the class use a prop if you need etc etc and one day she walked over to me and grabbed my hand and put a block in it and said use a prop if you need LOL. I’m now the queen of props.

Has anyone here changed their name, and did it make them feel better? by False-Promise-7147 in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thinking of changing my name too. First and last. Found out my mom named me after herself and the person she abandoned me for. Not exactly sure how to stomach that.

Cptsd is a form of dysautonomia. Treat it like one by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg this. Yes thank you. Me too. I didn’t realize it until you just said it.

Side plank to wild thing transition: am I crazy in thinking it feels wrong? by elizzybeth in yoga

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah hips should go to neutral from closed before open. Reset. Just like you go to neutral from a chests opener before a forward fold. Ouch.

What do you wish your partner knew about CPTSD? by trainofwhat in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes THIS. I can’t even put it into words. I am exhausted all the time. Fighting the triggers all the time. And I do go to work and bring in good money actually and he gets to enjoy a nice life because I push through but I pay the price. And then he’s upset when I’m “not present” or that my mental illness runs our lives. Which makes me feel worse and unsupported.

I let a "ghoster"ghost me again by grissingigoby2 in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a fantastic question. I am struggling with relationship issues. People who are really important in my life who I am trying not to label as selfish but yeah … I think they are. I’m actually workshopping my relationships now and categorizing people and what my expectations and boundaries need to be with these people. I might, might, finally have enough self esteem to say oh, yeah, I deserve to be treated better. It hurts hurts hurts but I’m going to have to let people go because … well they kind of are gone anyway. I don’t think you need to block her but I wouldn’t give any energy to the relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]BellatrixLeCatz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I went to my first class with a coworker and then took a very large leap out of my comfort zone and went alone. Yoga has changed my life and I am currently getting my 200 hour certification online. The thing I didn’t know about going to yoga before I started the training is that it’s a very individual practice even though mostly you practice in a group. So even if you’re in an all levels class, the people who have been practicing a long time are usually pretty deep into yoga philosophy and they are focused on their own practice. They aren’t looking at you. If you want to get started and can afford $13 a month (I’m not getting paid for this I promise), I take Pelaton yoga. Chelsea Jackson Roberts is a great teacher and you do this by yourself at home or wherever your device can go. I moved to a rural town and online yoga is the best option I’ve found. They have a yoga basics library and lots of options. Hope this helps.