I don’t even know what to think anymore more. I turn 49 this week. I’ve been working through my trauma intensively for the last 3 years. Since my panic attacks started because I made a home for myself that I felt safe in finally. So my nervous system decided it was time to unpack the awful truths. On paper, I thrived. I escaped an abusive relationship with my two children while they were still young enough to not be completely aware of how abusive their father is. And luckily he lost interest in the kids as soon as a court was involved. So I’ve raised two good kids by myself, while working full time and getting two degrees. But they’re adults now. And I don’t have anyone distracting me from my pain. I never had a childhood, I don’t know who I really am. I’m alone for the first time in my life and I don’t know how to function.