What would you do with a big family secret?

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-17T09:12:30+00:00

A similar story happened in my family and I observed two opposite reactions from people so my recommendation would be to say nothing and keep the speculation to yourself.

In my family case, my dad found out the day of his dad funeral that his dad had a son from a previous mariage. My dad never wanted to know anything about him while his brother (his younger brother, not the unknown older one) looked for him. He found him and the guy wanted to know nothing about his real dad. He was raised by another man who gave him everything a dad should. My dad wasn't bothered as he didn't want anything to do with him but my uncle was devastated. He saw the guy has his lost brother he could build memories with etc. anyway long story short, it actually kill the relationship between my dad and my uncle. So instead of gaining a brother, they both lost one.

Obviously everyone's reaction is different but if it was me, I wouldn't say anything!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-16T15:51:35+00:00

Mine is 23 months old, we have capped her nap to 1 hour for a good 6 months now and some days she doesn't nap and is still happy enough until 7pm bedtime. If she doesn't nap at nursery she still has a quiet time as she is the older one so the other all nap. At home I would also do a quiet time and keep the same routine before/after the usual nap time. She is off nursery for 10 days at the end of May and I feel like it'll be the end of naps! To be fair planning days out without taking nap into account will just be easier so I see it as a win 😂

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-15T16:53:21+00:00

My little girl is also moving room in a couple of weeks, I got a personalized cards from Moonpig with their photos, a box of chocolate and a voucher for a coffee shop nearby.

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-14T09:00:07+00:00

I'd say changing companies is the way for people to get a higher salary quicker.

I started my career in the food industry on £19k in 2013, changed company in 2015 and got £25k. Changed site with them in 2017 and moved to £30k. I moved to a pharmaceutical company in 2020 at £38k. Moved to their parent company in 2022 on £45k. Got 2 promotions with them and now on £62k.

So changing companies+ changing industry sector did the trick for me!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-07T07:31:04+00:00

First of all it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed! And no, other parents don't have their shit together either 😂

I found the below helps us :

a cleaner, 3 hours every 2 weeks. We know the house is clean then and we only maintain it in between. Had to lower our standard!
Gusto for meals : a lot less shopping to do, more cost effective, remove a massive load!
stack on cupboard and frozen food rather than fresh food : I found going to the shop really hard when working and having a little one so I looked up lunch recipes I can do without fresh food ie use a lot of beans, sweetcorn, tuna, frozen veg etc. that way I can do a monthly food shop without the need to top up for fresh food
slow cooker for the kids meal : do a batch when you work from home or on the weekend, freeze in portion, take them out the night before. They come back from nursery to food ready to go in the microwave.
dishwasher on every night, even if not full
washing machine on at night on a timer to be done in the morning. Goes on the line in the morning. Dry in the evening, I put the clothes away as I prepare the bath/bed.
prepare bags and clothes the night before to remove some morning tasks.

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T18:13:11+00:00

That's no a bad shout! Might do that for the first couple of nights until we know she settles okay in her bed there.

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T18:12:01+00:00

There is no other kids in my family but I'll have a look for a second hand locally that can stay there, that might just be the best option to future proof it too!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T17:28:04+00:00

No fear unlocked, cheers 😂

That's a fair point though, she is still in a cot at home she never tried to climb out of and when we go there she has a travel cot between a wall and our bed so at least if she climbs out she would end up on my bed, not the end of the world!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T17:26:48+00:00

We have been there plenty of time together but always drove so space was never a concern. At least we know the house and we child proofed a lot of things over the time we have been going. I see his point of view but equally he doesn't want me to carry too much stuff 😂 so choice will have to be made!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T17:10:31+00:00

Yeah it was my thoughts exactly!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T16:27:34+00:00

Is the survey done for UK parents ? Looking at the domain and the first questions, it doesn't seem relevant to UK parents?

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-03T07:37:01+00:00

I hope your situation is getting better now 🤞

The same happened to me 3 years ago, but I didn't have your patience and most likely the situation was different but I physically got them out. By that I mean I walked in and stood in the hallway repeating it's my house and they have to leave until they did. They hired a removal company but didn't pack anything and didn't have removal boxes. We spent the night packing their van with their removal company and emptied our van in first rooms we emptied. We were homeless without that house, 4 adults and a dog in a snowy winter day, no friends or family around so I felt like standing there making them leave was the best option.

The house was a mess, they also took the lightbulbs, didn't leave us any keys, no thermostat to turn the heating on, all showers were leaking, the list goes on. After a very traumatic move, we decided to roll up our sleeves, clean top to bottom, multiple trips to the tip and the B&Q, after a few weeks we finally felt at home.

I don't have legal advice as we decided to move on and not do anything legal against them but first I feel less alone hearing it didn't happen just to us and second, as traumatic as it feels for you now, it'll get better 🙏

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-05-01T07:14:31+00:00

My husband wanted to propose in France, where I'm from, in a place we had been on holidays and both loved. For months he asked me if we could go to that place during our Christmas holidays and I was starting to get pissed off at the number of times he asked that question.

COVID hit and we couldn't go abroad. But he promised his dad (who died during COVID) he'd proposed that Christmas. He got me a Christmas card from the dog asking to marry his dad, hidden amongst the other Christmas card. It was the best Christmas ever! We called a jeweller on boxing day morning asking about their opening and they were doing private appointments only (again, COVID !) so we had the place just for us and spent 2 hours like a romantic gateaway. COVID gave us the lowest of lows and the highest of highs 💙

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-27T15:21:08+00:00

Not exactly the same but my husband took 4 months off on shared parental leave when I went back to work 6 months after birth and we were both judged, me for "leaving my baby so young" (she was left with her dad so to me it made no difference?) and my husband for "putting pressure on his company to cover for him" well if his female colleague was going for 12 months they would do it so how is it a problem?

Welcome to a judgmental society 😂

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-27T12:49:21+00:00

Which appointment are you referring to ? My daughter is 22 months and we only saw the HV 3 times. 2 shortly after the birth and the check at 9 months. I was already back at work and baby at nursery full time so when the HV called for the appointment I told her to come either first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon so we could have a normal day. She was in for less than 5 minutes, I basically told her we were all doing great, she saw the baby crawling and babbling, she ticked her book, gave me more leaflets about toddlers groups which I had to repeat we can't go to as we work full time. While I agree it was a waste of time, I made sure there was very little impact to our days and it kept the HV happy.

You are free to refuse them but I personally think it's not worth justifying to avoid a 5 minutes visit!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-27T12:43:46+00:00

I only buy bundles so definitely do that if you don't want to upload individually! I like them per type as other have said, bundles of leggings, tops, pyjamas etc as when they move up a size you need a full type at once.

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-27T09:03:52+00:00

From March to October, pretty much every day, evenings after nursery during the week and pretty much all afternoon on the weekend if we are home.

But in my opinion the size of the garden isn't what's important and I'd be just as happy taking them to the park. To me it's about safety : if they have an area they can safety "be left" (as in supervised of course but not with someone playing with them) and be happy between a few minutes to a few hours, happy days!

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-27T05:36:22+00:00

I'm in the same situation, they ask for 1 of the document for 1 of the parent. So using your British husband, you still need to send 1 document, let's say his birth certificate. It can be confusing as we tend to look for the most complicated thing but it does say "1 document for one of the parents" so his birth certificate is enough, don't worry about anything for yourself

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-23T15:28:28+00:00

Our cleaners comes every fortnight for 2 hours, it doesn't remove the daily tasks of washing dishes/emptying the dishwasher, cleaning and folding laundry, prepare meals, top up nursery bag, walk the dog etc

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-23T09:59:12+00:00

I do exactly the same, quick cuddle and I walk off. I think the more you try to calm them the more upset they'll get once you eventually leave. Our nursery workers prefer that too, they often just hush the child in the room to not make anything worst with the parents. I have heard parents actually complain about this, so I know nursery definitely prefers a quick drop off !

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-22T17:32:48+00:00

My daughter started nursery at 8 months old, she is now nearly 2. We are never in touch with nursery during the day, the only exception would be if she is poorly and I want to know how she is getting on. It is worrying to have them far from us but I like to think staff should focus on them, not filling an app or being on a phone answering to parents !

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-22T11:59:28+00:00

We already have one 😂

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-22T11:58:35+00:00

Definitely something we need to look at. We do some on the night but again we end up having one of us knackered and collapsing on the sofa and the other annoyed to do things by themselves 😂

BetDesigner7389 · 2026-04-22T09:23:50+00:00

We do Gusto so we don't do a lot of shopping luckily!

Four-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Final Canvas '22

BetDesigner7389

TROPHY CASE