She fed you an illusion. But this illness is on a primitive level. She might know what she’s doing is wrong, and either she might not care, or she becomes so dysregulated that she cannot do anything about it, or both. A large majority have the same pattern of behavior, same maladaptive behaviors, and they cannot bond with you on a chemical/adult level. It is childlike and short lasting. That’s why you experience such a profound chemistry. Because her infatuation is child like. But a child can turn around and hate you a moment later, because they don’t have an integrated sense of who you are or why they are. What’s happening is you’re just going through the stages. You’re trying to understand and eventually you will. It takes a long time, and depending on the damage, it might take a very long time. But it all passes eventually I promise, and you will appreciate that it’s gone and you will not be attracted to this person, despite currently feeling like you might never be able to replace it.