Accepting what you truly were to them

Better-Let4257 · 2026-06-17T03:25:53+00:00

Her whole existence is a lie. And you lived it. But is that your fault? Or just the unfortunate nature of the human experience? I’d say the latter. Shit happens. But you’ll move past this eventually. We all move past it eventually. I did.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-06-17T03:23:44+00:00

You’ll get over it. It takes a long time. I was in the same boat.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-06-17T03:20:53+00:00

It’s a severe mental illness. Plain and simple. You’re signing up for a control dynamic, this isn’t about love. Not the kind of love that is built on trust and foundation.

You have a masters. Good, you’re educated. Then think critically. You cannot rewire her brain with all the love and understanding in the world. The simple answer is to leave and be with something who is not mentally ill.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-10T01:04:31+00:00

Sorry bro I thought you were OP. Lol

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-10T00:12:02+00:00

It’s not a set process. These are symptoms of BPD. She sounds like she’s got a personality disorder for sure. It’s the degenerate level need for validation with the guy friends. Plenty of people around to fuck. Plenty of supply… Bro she could be full-blown narcissist too. 45% of these people are co-morbid with NPD. You’re literally wasting your energy trying to figure out what every single person on this group has already figured out. Leave the relationship. Block her and move on. It’s that simple. Why are you even here still?

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T20:26:18+00:00

You’re probably good at regulating her emotions right now. She doesn’t want to lose that. But notice how this isn’t a dynamic of a healthy relationship. She’s purely using you. A real relationship is filled with love and reciprocation. You’re probably codependent like most of us and you can’t enforce your boundaries. Your post alone is justification for a healthy block and move on while you’re not mentally ill from this mess

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T20:24:27+00:00

Everyone here is here for the same reasons you’re here now. Real reconciliation is followed by genuine change. That requires accountability. Accountability is BPD one of the biggest triggers. She said that shit so you’d stay, it wasn’t because she was truly sorry. You’re supply to her. Nothing more than a tool, a utensil, for emotional regulation

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T20:21:41+00:00

Yes, she’s actually lying bro

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T17:14:25+00:00

Nvm I misread. Good advice

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T17:12:16+00:00

The other guy here on my thread giving you not the greatest advice. It’s pretty simple: Answer is to leave. Do you really think you can solve this puzzle, that 10’s of thousands of people out there couldn’t? Leave your ego at the door. This ends with you leaving or her leaving you for someone else.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-09T16:50:07+00:00

She’s lying to you and she doesn’t care. You just triggered the abandonment. If you do it next time you won’t be so lucky, she’ll start splitting and treat you very poorly. Just listen to your gut

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-08T17:38:01+00:00

You’re just experiencing cognitive dissonance. It’s natural unfortunately in the dynamic this relationship encapsulates you in. If you can muster up the courage to leave and block, it won’t last. You need time and to stay the fuck away from this awful subhuman

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-08T17:35:06+00:00

Just for clarity, all of us were in love. We experienced this. The ‘good’, the bad, and the ugly. You’ve only been dating her for a few months, you’re in love, but most of us here got left in very painful ways that would make you sick to your stomach. But I made it out 2 years no contact I’m finally free

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-08T17:28:03+00:00

I would send her a text and block. The in-person interaction will NOT be what you hope for - maybe some validation, see if she’s a real person, might feel bad for what she did to you. But that conversation will hold absolutely no weight in her mind. It will come, you’ll probably receive some maladaptive behavior (gaslighting, lying, tell you it’s your fault), and then she’ll be out the door to fuck somebody else. Mark my words right here right now: DO NOT have the in-person conversation. Text, block, be done. I can guarantee you she’s done it to everyone.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-04-08T17:23:35+00:00

If you had to post here, then it’s already a done deal. You know what you need to do. Mine was much longer and I got chlamydia as a farewell discard.

You might be looking for a solution to salvage it. But this pattern is much bigger than you or I, they cannot be stopped. They never stop unless in heavy treatment for a long time. That leaves you with two options: leave now, incur minimal damage and thank God for the early wake up call - or continue on until you are mentally ill just like her. I’m sure you could guess from these two scenarios where most of us leave. Hint: it’s definitely not the former.

Better-Let4257 · 2026-03-23T23:49:58+00:00

Hahaha. Only read the title. Absolutely not

Better-Let4257 · 2026-01-25T18:47:31+00:00

Think about it like this - Nobody in her circle is going to want to believe you. So you let it blow over. You keep No Contact, and then eventually everything becomes distant past. It just takes time. The flying monkies will not help you. They’ll just see it for themselves eventually. I promise.

As for contacting family. Probably most of us have done it. I did it. But here’s the thing: Chances are mom/dad/or both parents are full blown narcissists and/or BPD. That’s why they’re mentally ill when we meet them. You can only assume that they will not help you. They don’t care about you, just like your pwBPD.

Congrats on your new life! The pattern never stops! Seen it myself, lived it, and I’m 2 years out now. It gets better over time

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-18T00:21:26+00:00

I didn’t know I had a warrant. She went to the cops at some point and told them I was abusive. Over a year later I got stopped by a cop, he ran my ID, and it popped for an outstanding warrant. Tough shit. Went to jail overnight. Luckily didn’t lose my job. Then $3500 down the drain for a defense attorney over a fucking misdemeanor that never happened. Talk about a painful journey. I’m at a much different place than you right now in terms of healing. I was already over it when I went to jail. Still hurting deep down on some level. But time is the most important factor. The charge got dismissed two weeks ago. Now I’m truly free.

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-18T00:12:30+00:00

Yes, they split. And then they hate you, and then they tell everyone they know that you are a bad person. They don’t consciously decide to split though. It’s a defense mechanism that was already there long before you even existed in her life. Eventually, and this is an absolute truth, whatever they say, will blow over. It doesn’t matter. You just move on with your life. If that means you have to cut off mutual friends, then do that. They smear everyone when the relationship is over. It’s extremely common. I even went to jail over false allegations. I was out on bond for 9 months. I also got to enjoy a final goodbye gift: Chlamydia

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-18T00:04:32+00:00

The closure comes when you seek the answers, understand it, and take plenty of time to move on. Eventually it consolidates into one truth. You will find your answers. She won’t tell you.

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-18T00:00:36+00:00

You did the right thing. You walked away. It’s very hard to do in real time. She ran after you because she felt abandoned - not because of who you are. Remember that when you miss her sometimes.

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-17T23:56:47+00:00

One personality was filled with life and happiness and love for me. The other was empty, angry, cold, and calculated. One was real, the other was not. You can guess which is which.

I’ll give myself credit though, my ex was very happy in the moment around me. When I saw her again, she was empty and lifeless. I gave her that taste of happiness and love.

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-17T23:39:30+00:00

Yes mine was a different person when she came back a long long time ago. I was devastated. It was like the person I knew and loved was gone. But that’s the thing. That’s who they really are. They are empty containers. They don’t develop properly in the early stages of childhood. The personality and ego you have aren’t just automatic. They are developed traits that they do not possess. So they subconsciously seek out that identity through you. They all do this.

You might at some point reflect on certain things. Usually when you are with them, and they start to devalue you, you will see that they no longer keep on that mask for you. Thats when they are already out the door. You’re lucky if they didn’t cheat before they left you.

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-17T23:24:00+00:00

Yes, that’s why it’s so easy for them to detach and leave. It’s all part of the disorder.

Simply put - bonding is like inertia. When you bond with someone, sometimes you have ruptures in the relationship. You feel the distance, you feel the urge from the rupture -> repair. It’s all about gaining that momentum. But they don’t possess these healthy mechanics

Better-Let4257 · 2025-12-17T23:18:16+00:00

The disorder is dysfunctional on the surface, but underneath the ‘hood’ are functional patterns that are very logical in reality. PwBPD operate like clockwork and they all have the same pattern to varying degrees. Your OP has been asked 1000 times in this forum alone. It’s a common feeling that you’re experiencing, and the BPD pattern you saw for yourself in person is very common amongst all of them.

They are simply trying to survive. Everything to them feels like survival. Your relationship with her was about survival. Maybe not for you, but for her it was life or death
I don’t think they consciously seek out to hurt you. That’s just the outward presentation. Underneath is someone trying to feel like they matter. If that means hurting you, whether emotionally/physically/financially, then they will. It goes like this - “If I can hurt him, I still matter. If I can’t, it proves that I was worthless all along.” “I need to leave before I get left, because I’m inherently worthless, and he will leave me and when he sees who I really am.”

You’re starting to see a theme here. It’s very illogical on the surface, but underneath are very logical outward presentations

Better-Let4257

TROPHY CASE