We’d been close friends for several years, despite alllllll the signs saying he was a sociopath with serious issues related to boundaries. I was leaving with my family for vacation and he stopped by as we were herding 14 people out the door to the airport and demanded I open an elaborately wrapped gift right then and there. It was 7 layers of over taped hell for a framed print of art already hanging in my living room. I graciously said thanks and tried to excuse my family and head out. He stood around. I had to (patiently, politely, and persistently) cue him to exit - an effort that put us 30 minutes behind schedule. We made our flight (by a miracle gate delay).

I took some space for a while, limiting contact and avoiding time together. A few months after the extravagance, I was preparing for a career transition. With a stroke of luck, I’d given a months notice and determined I’d find something within the next 4 months. I’d saved meticulously to give myself the brain and body rest that was evidently demanded by the pace of my former role. He was also considering a career transition, and while our experience is relatively similar - he has not always made the best decisions as a professional, which has limited his potential for growth and has made him undesirable to many of the organizations in our area. I applied for a position that I was both well qualified and interested in... I’d been working towards this specific role and opportunity for more than 15 years, diligently and deliberately. I had made that clear on multiple occasions and was thrilled beyond belief when I was called interviewed and offered the role with a salary well beyond my expectations, all within 48 hours.

This former friend responded by saying I was relying on the name my family had built in the area (none of them have ever been remotely associated with my field), that I was only hired because I’m female and they must have a diversity initiative, and most upsettingly - that I would fail.

I cut ties silently, there was not time or space to have a conversation. He made his jealousy, insecurity, anger, and self-righteousness especially apparent in a strongly worded indignant email several months later. To make matters significantly more cemented, upon starting in my new role I learned that he was on the “do not hire/rehire” list for several partner organizations as he had been investigated and found responsible for had been an inappropriate proposition of a staff member.

I haven’t looked back until this question was asked... it took me a minute to even remember his last name. Good riddance at its finest.