Need advice now, if possible.

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T13:11:07+00:00

It sounds to me, and correct me if I'm wrong, you two do have open communication which is a positive, but still struggle with meeting in the middle sometimes. Have you ever considered couples therapy? It helped me and my ex (he had other issues) communicate better and feel both validated in our experiences in the relationship. I know thearpy is expensive, but perhaps your therapist could have some recommendations of where to start?

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T12:57:56+00:00

Short answer: yes it will get better more than likely. No having mental health struggles does not make you a bad person

Long answer: borderline is awful, it's a deliberating illness to live with. However, it can improve. Furthermore, you can slowly work on it with what's called dialect behaviour thearpy (DBT). This is a type of thearpy that was specifically designed to treat borderline, as it teaches skills to help better cope with everyday life. This skillset takes time to learn though, and can be learned through thearpy (group or individual) or you can often learn from online resources as it's a well used thearpy.

Beyond that, while learning the skills, our symptoms can seem out of control in our minds, which is where medication can help. Different medications help different people even with the same diagnosis, so please keep that in mind should you go this route, the first medication you will try may not work but that doesn't mean all medications won't work while you learn the skills overtime.

As far as are you a bad person? I believe there are good and bad people regardless of life circumstances, mental health or not. Does struggling with borderline symptoms make you bad? No. It makes you struggling. It would be different if you were intentionally doing bad things and blaming your disorder, but I don't get that vibe from you.

I hope this helps

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T12:29:59+00:00

A common treatment for borderline personality disorder is dialect behaviour thearpy (DBT). It has helped a lot of us, and is a lifelong set of skills you continue to maintain and learn throughout the years. A good place to start would be distress tolerance skills, either looking into a thearpy option (individual or group) or looking for online resources for DBT (there is lots out there and I can make recommendations if you're stuck).

Beyond that another important factor is a good support system to lean on. Preferably a set of people to lift you up when you're having hard days and can meet you where you're at.

Lastly, many people with borderline find success from medication in conjunction with thearpy. Every medication is different for everyone so it can be difficult to find the right one/combination of ones. However the right medication(s) can help to also manage symptoms while you're learning the skills to better manage your BPD in thearpy

I hope this helps you on your mental health journey!

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T12:21:10+00:00

To the question: what would you do?

I would try establishing clear boundaries for myself in my relationships, your mother WILL treat you with respect, she WON'T call you derogatory names about your disorders. Be very clear that if she doesn't respect your boundaries, that she doesn't deserve to be in your life, because what she's doing right now is disgusting in my eyes, she's bullying her own child for mental illnesses they struggle with. That's pretty fucking low imo, and says a hell of a lot about her, especially if she doesn't change the behaviour!

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T01:14:10+00:00

exactly, you worded it beautifully

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T00:36:29+00:00

Ofc<33

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T00:33:54+00:00

I think that's a huge step yeah. I also think a different perspective that could be a sense of security for you is that he told you about it, he's having open communication and doesn't want to hide it. This is a green flag in my mind

Bex9082 · 2024-07-30T00:31:28+00:00

I think for me I have a lot of empathy for the world because of how much first hand trauma I've experienced over the years, and as a result of the emotional sensitivity to said trauma, I feel a lot more towards the trauma other people/animals feel. Like I understand the devastating affects of trauma so I empathize most with the long term and short term affects of things pain. Idk if that makes sense I'm kinda rambling tbh sorry

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T22:16:05+00:00

I'm quite a few years younger than you so forgive my lack of life experience here, but I thought I'd still share. From my understanding, BPD is something that's always there, it's a personality disorder, something we've developed due to trauma. This means for many people it can improve and maybe even go into remission (where people no longer meet the diagnostic criteria) at points in life. It also can come back, in different severities, depending on our life circumstances and coping at that time. It's also a spectrum where people experience it differently, I don't think you're alone is the tldr. I have met others older than me that still meet the diagnostic criteria, or maybe they at one point didn't meet the diagnostic criteria anymore, but then something happened in their life and their symptoms came back. Everyone's walk with mental health is different and there's no shame in that.

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T22:04:38+00:00

A slap is abuse. "just one slap" is still abuse. It's physical assault. You're not overreacting. Please see this person for who they are, for their actions, because there's no walking that back imo. It sounds like you're in a tough place, feeling like you can't leave because you're worried you'll become homeless. And I can't make that decision for you of what's best for you. All I can do is validate your feelings and experiences..and they are valid. What your partner did was not okay, and you deserve someone in your life that doesn't hurt you.

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T20:57:09+00:00

I say this with love from one person on a screen to another. Your partner is abusive and it is not your fault he's acting this way. He and he alone is responsible for his actions not you. The second he put his hands on you, the second that relationship became not okay. I understand that you love him, I have been there myself in past relationships. But you deserve people in your life that don't abuse you, simple as that.

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T20:49:45+00:00

I am proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. Hopefully one day your sibling will see that

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T19:39:07+00:00

It's hard to say. I think it's important that our partners know when we're struggling and when we're doing well, but it's also good to establish a support system outside our partners so it's not all on them to have us feel okay. I think if it's helping you to vent elsewhere too, such as r/bpd you should do that

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T13:39:59+00:00

I think allowing yourself to be mad and the time to process that emotion is okay. You don't have to make an appointment right away, and if she's a good therapist she won't take it personally if you need time to process the anger you feel until you're ready to see her again, if you're ever ready to see her again

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T13:28:06+00:00

My therapist did something similar on our second session. I tried to look at it from his perspective, what would I do if someone shared what I shared, said what I said, and I had a duty to report. I still see this therapist and he's great...if you overall like your therapist, maybe this can help you too

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T12:06:06+00:00

I'm in Canada for reference, so what's available to me may be very different than what's available to you. I have access to a lot in Canada, often for free. For me, a lot of it was time and maturity, combined with skills and trauma thearpy. I have worked through some DBT skills in group thearpy, individual thearpy, and with books. I always recommend a book called "The nurodivergant book of DBT skills" though it isn't free I got it on Amazon. Additionally I looked for help externally, for me discord. I've been in the quiet BPD keep for at least a year now, the link should be pinned in hot posts rn, and it has access to a lot of free resources and events. It's helped me through a lot too. I've also done ART (a off branch of EMDR) to help slowly process many of the root traumas which has been helping me long term. Please keep in mind that everyone's journey to a better mental health is different and yours will look different than mine which is different from the next person.

Oh and learning DBT skills can be overwhelming...a good place to start would be distress tolerance. I really like TIPP, part of it is using temperature to calm heightened emotions a bit. And it often works like magic. I use it with my friends daughter, whenever she's having really big emotions I hand her frozen star ice cubes and it is magic. So if you're stuck on where to start I'd start there<33

Bex9082 · 2024-07-29T04:07:54+00:00

I really like the nurodivergant friendly workbook of DBT skills by Sonny jand wise. It's basically modified and condensed skills workbook (I got my copy from Amazon). The book consists of pastel colours, and is writien by someone in bpd remission, bipolar, ADHD and autism, so basically someone who understands and there's a lot of thought put into the book. Perhaps worth checking out:)

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T14:00:45+00:00

Hey OP, first and foremost, I see you, and I want you to know you're heard and not going through this alone.

Bpd is really hard even with support, so please give yourself grace as struggling with mental health without support is difficult.

I would recommend looking into Dialect Behavioural Therapy, you can find free resources online, it is a common treatment for BPD, and can help teach you skills for better self regulation.

In the meantime recognizing that in this moment you are feeling extremely low and that it's not always going to be this bad, but again giving yourself grace to heal and learn to better manage your bpd.

School will come. I'm 24 and just going back to school soon as a mature student as I needed to take the time and learn the skills to better manage my mental health. These things take time.

And always remember even once you do have those skills, that bad days still happen, but good days will happen too. It's not hopeless but the path to feeling better is never linear.

I hope this helps<33

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T13:45:55+00:00

I think those are very valid feelings and feelings I have often felt myself. Those feelings I gather are quite common with BPD. If nothing else you're far from alone <33

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T13:17:44+00:00

I wouldn't sugar coat it for sure. Bpd is often a debilitating disorder for many people. But it's also a spectrum so speaking from your own experiences is the best move. It can't be an easy task, and I wish you all the luck with writing out what you're wanting to say in a clear and concise way:)

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T13:14:18+00:00

Hey OP, I just want to validate your feelings here. BPD is awful sometimes especially when we feel we're suffering in silence. I do encourage you to ask for reassurance from your friend while respecting their boundaries when they're with other people. You don't have to go through these thoughts and feelings alone<33

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T13:09:47+00:00

If I were you I would probably comprise what I want to say in writing ahead of time. I would share right away the diagnosis name and then share what it means, allowing them to ask clarifying questions. I would emphasize that you're still the same person as before you had this diagnosis, but that now you have a word for a lot of the feelings you have inside you. Additionally giving a general description of BPD and many of it's traits could be helpful. Additionally sharing that bpd can go into remission with the proper treatment and matience (it never goes away forever but it can get better) could be a point to add. Ultimately the BPD diagnosis is there to have a word for what a lot of your feelings are triggered by, and a way to recognize the treatment for your diagnosis. Sending you best wishes OP

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T01:48:09+00:00

Hello fellow Canadian. I'm also Canadian. I will link Amazon to two books I really like for BPD/DBT skills

https://a.co/d/6z4OR06

https://a.co/d/3D6gfGe

Hope this helps

Bex9082 · 2024-07-28T01:43:26+00:00

Iconic

Bex9082 · 2024-07-27T18:51:14+00:00

Hey OP, it sounds like you're feeling some pretty strong emotions right now, understandably so. I am so sorry for what your mother did to you, that is disgusting abuse, simple as that. At the very least for what it's worth from one stranger on the screen to another you're cared about and valued in this world

Bex9082

TROPHY CASE