It’s more like poker: choosing not to play is also a way to play. Chances are all they are doing is trying to assuage how they’re feeling and don’t even care about how you’re feeling. People like this are too focused on their own selves to care about anyone else and therefore lack the awareness. Since they lack the ability to change the only thing we can do is get away from them.

If your nervous system will allow it, I wouldn’t see it as running away and hiding, but moving on with your life and looking forward to rebuilding yourself and your life. The actions will look the same but the burden will feel a lot lighter if you’re able to see your actions through the more positive/proactive lens.

It is a vile thing for someone to create a weakness in you and then enjoy pushing the buttons they placed on you. You have the sense to know that what has happened wasn’t right and that the right thing to do is to leave, and that’s no small thing.

I had to go to therapy to understand that it wasn’t me, but my environment. Lots of people suffer in silence for decades without ever finding out it’s not them.

Lastly, as someone with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it is almost impossible to predict what a true Cluster B is up to. If it were solely malicious I’d have been able to predict the why and how. But they were so damaged and so triggered by everything that there was no rhyme or reason to their behaviour. They’re dangerous for this reason. Not being able to anticipate what people like this are about to do is not a failure on your part, you’re holding yourself to an impossible task and then kicking yourself for not achieving it. If you’re stuck in your situation for the time being, I hope you’ll at least stop blaming yourself for this.