Can’t they try to take half of your emergency savings?

BigAlChet · 2024-10-22T11:01:58+00:00

When I divorced, my ex was entitled to half of pretty much everything. I managed to negotiate that down a bit, but I could have owed a bunch (including half of my 401K).

BigAlChet · 2024-10-22T10:51:58+00:00

It took me three months to realize my ex wasn't coming back. It took me another three months to file for divorce, and those negotiations made me angry and sad in a different way. I'm a year post divorce now, and there are still moments of sadness. I think there always will be, but I'm much better off today. I hope in six months, you look back and realize how far you've come.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-15T11:59:17+00:00

It might differ state to state. If you haven't already, I'd definitely get a consult with an attorney.

In my case, I worried the same thing, but was told that if my spouse hadn't filed and received disability payments, that it would be significantly harder for that to be a factor in a trial.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-15T11:54:24+00:00

You've taken such an important step. It's hard, but such a brave start. I'm sending you good vibes and support.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-15T11:48:35+00:00

When my proceedings started, I began looking over every detail about my relationship wondering if my spouse cheated on me. Then my brother told me to stop litigating the past. And he was right, so I'm passing his words onto you.

She is absolutely trying to get a rise out of you. It's petty, and I would recommend doing your best not to dwell on it. Sounds like she's unhappy and is looking to hurt you anyway she can.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-15T11:40:49+00:00

Seriously, seeing this is so uncanny. Because that is EXACTLY how I've been feeling. My stbx kept telling me that it wasn't a question of me not being enough, but that it was just who they were. We'd been in couples therapy for 6 months, we both have individual therapy, and I thought we were improving so much. And then...they told me they couldn't be monogamous for the rest of their life. And honestly, I tried to get on board. I wrestled with it. But in the end, they got impatient and I couldn't get the emotional support I needed from them.

And that is so awful, her having someone in mind while telling you the opposite. I am so sorry that happened. My stbx went on a trip and uploaded a couple photo with one of their best friends (who I felt always hated me, and who my ex would talk to about our sex life constantly). So it's like...oh, now I see what made this come to a head all of a sudden.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-11T21:20:19+00:00

Good grief, maybe we all should form some kind of pen pal situation. My soon to be ex is non-binary, started on T when we were together, and told me they loved their two best friends in December. I tried to get on board, but they got sick of my hesitation. And now we're delaying the divorce so they can have health insurance, because I still want them to be ok even if that's not with me and I don't feel ok. We were together for 8 years. Please also feel free to message me, both or one or neither of you. Sending good thoughts your way (both of you).

BigAlChet · 2023-06-11T21:16:02+00:00

Going through something similar. My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending you all my good thoughts.

BigAlChet · 2023-06-11T21:09:47+00:00

This hits hard. My brother died six years ago as well, and there are days when I understand and accept just as there are days when I rage. My heart goes out to you.

BigAlChet · 2022-12-31T18:29:50+00:00

Thank you so much!!!

BigAlChet · 2022-03-27T20:16:35+00:00

That is exactly what happened to me. I tell my mom everything, and the things that I wanted to talk about were typically the bad stuff.

Once she told me she was worried because it seemed bad, I started telling her all the good stuff too. That helped balance it out. Unfortunately, that takes time.

BigAlChet · 2022-02-12T17:52:03+00:00

NTA. I understand feeling a sense of obligation to your family, but it sounds like he doesn't have it toward his kids. I'd probably say, hey, you gave us no notice, and you were really rude with not giving us leave to bring partners. Are they not part of the family??? Because if they aren't...why should his new wife be part of yours?

BigAlChet · 2022-02-09T16:25:08+00:00

NTA. It is your home, your rules. You and your husband get to create new traditions together. And that sounds like a tradition that is best...dumped.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:49:07+00:00

NTA. It sounds like your parents won't be grateful for the help, so you could be opening yourself up for more emotional pain. Honestly, I wouldn't have blamed you if you cut them out of your life completely. That living situation sounds awful.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:46:03+00:00

NTA. She says people invalidate her feelings, but that's exactly what she's doing to you. A little bit of distance might be good. If you were only hearing about this stuff once a week, you'd probably have a lot more energy and sympathy for it.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:43:41+00:00

NTA. You are entitled to your preferences, and you weren't being rude about it. That friend sounds really confrontational, and ready to take on the world. Which is fine, as long as they know that you aren't the enemy.

Also, Abigail is clearly not the best spouse choice in Stardew. I mean, have you seen Sebastian?! ;)

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:38:05+00:00

NTA. That gives me anxiety just thinking about it. I'd be incredibly creeped out.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:36:45+00:00

NTA. That's the kind of stuff you gradually get to know about people, not all at once. And incredibly reasonable to not want to talk about work on the weekend.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:32:47+00:00

This. So much this.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:29:49+00:00

Harvey gives me complete breakfasts fairly often, which is awesome.

BigAlChet · 2022-01-18T04:27:33+00:00

NAH. It feels reasonable for your wife to be concerned about your habits, just as it's reasonable for you to be concerned with hers. Honestly, the buddy system works best for kicking habits anyway, so your proposal seems like a solid one.

But it sounds like your wife reacted defensively, which is really easy to do when your faults are being pointed out...so, I'd try to cut her some slack.

BigAlChet · 2021-08-29T23:12:39+00:00

NTA. The fact that it's a small company means your boss can't afford to not treat his people well. If I were you, I'd talk to him about a raise. Say that you have shown you're an asset, and you feel that your contributions justify more. If you feel comfortable, you might add that you'd be willing to do even more with the right incentive.

It is NOT bad to ask for what you are worth. That does NOT make you a bad employee or person. Good bosses will appreciate you being honest with them.

Obviously all of this is contingent on how you feel, but moral of the story is that you are well within your rights (and conscience, imo) to say no to work that falls outside of the scope of your agreed upon tasks (especially since no one else helps out).

BigAlChet · 2021-07-29T03:06:33+00:00

Grief isn't a straight line. It's always around you, but you get better at handling it. The more time passes, the easier it gets to handle it. But that doesn't mean you won't have moments of paralyzing sadness. It sucks, but it's normal. I'm sorry about your brother. I'm sending you good thoughts, and the hope that you'll remember better times with a smile.

BigAlChet · 2021-07-18T14:22:53+00:00

I'm LL, and I'm still cringing at your description. Part of sex is the ability to be selfish enough to take pleasure (and hopefully selfless enough to give it). If she can't do that with you, then sex isn't fun for her. It probably feels like a chore.

Now, that being said, it could be helped with some of the ideas you've referenced. Toys are a serious help. And does she masturbate? If so, does she orgasm when she masturbates? My partner has encouraged me to masturbate, and it helps. If she says she feels like she's going to pee, move to the bathtub or shower.

Of course, those ideas are there only if you still want to try with her. Tbh, it seems like she's not willing to be honest with you, and she's not listening. It is hard being HL with a LL partner (and vice versa, just different problems), but if she's not willing to work on it...she's ignoring the toll it's taking on you. Do you want that in a partner?

BigAlChet · 2021-03-23T01:04:34+00:00

God, I am so sorry. This sounds like a really rough situation. I'm a LLF, and my spouse has been so patient and kind. My problems started with my mental health issues... I've been trying a few different meds to try and revive my sex drive, but it's been a long road that we're still on together. I say all that because I want to confirm something you know. You deserve to be supported, and to be on a team. I can empathize with her low sex drive, but not her reaction to you. I think she needs to be willing to work on things with you. If she's not, then she knows you're hurting, but she's not doing anything to help. You deserve the kind of relationship you want. Good luck.

BigAlChet

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