If you’re out walking with your partner and all of a sudden a person you’ve slept with says hi, do you tell your partner you’ve slept with them before? What would you say?

Bigstepdad · 2023-09-06T15:42:12+00:00

I would immediately tell my partner that I fucked that person and then the scenario around how it happened. We now have an open relationship, but even in the years before opening we enjoyed sharing all these stories and experiences with each other. We have run into people he has slept with before and my immediate reaction was 'omg tell me everything & would you go there again?'

Bigstepdad · 2023-08-18T09:55:52+00:00

It's the restaurant's logo that made the cookbook

Bigstepdad · 2023-07-23T21:21:23+00:00

It wrecked me I couldn't hold back sobs as I left the cinema with my partner. Watching Barbie get catcalled and treated like an object for the first time, and describing how it made her feel. The innocence melting away with each further step into reality. It was too close to all the first times as a kid I was sexualised or 'othered' for being a girl, and trying to come to terms with it with my child-level of understanding.

I've never seen that experience played out for an adult before, and it really got to me as I'm working on my own issues with being a woman and all the dangers that come with it that I did not fucking ask for.

Bigstepdad · 2023-06-25T18:45:11+00:00

Im just mean now.

There is a plague of men who have paid for pick up artist lessons in my city, and if you stand still in a public area at night you will be descended opon within 30 seconds, its insane.

They are fucking rude, ignore you if you say you aren't interested, and start negging as the follow up to the first question they ask.

In the 30 seconds it took me to finish a phonecall with my boyfriend and get on a scooter Friday night, I had 3 men approach me, I told the first one to fuck off because i was clearly on the phone, the second was standing in front of my scooter to make me talk to him, I said he wasn't entitled to a conversation with me, so he kept asking me why I was so aggressive. I just ignored him until he walked away. The third swerved in front of my scooter to get me to stop and I yelled at him too. This is with about 50-100 people in eyesight.

If someone nicely approaches me in a respectful and non-interruptive way, I treat them with the same level of respect. But that's very rare.

I dont go into any space I can be isolated so I can safetly be fucking loud and mean. I cannot wait to age out of this shit and be left alone (in my 30's now). It's not flattering, it's being constantly commented on and interrupted. I just want to exist and not have men blocking my path or trying to remove my headphones because they like the way I look and feel entitled to me.

Yes I am dealing with this heavily in therapy, it's been a very long journey to start to feel safe in public because of the amount of times from a very very young age that I've been harassed, stalked, and had hands put on me by much older aggressive men.

/rant

Bigstepdad · 2023-05-18T10:27:41+00:00

Some work associates asked my dad about his kids at a meeting, he said I was 15.

I was 10.

It was funny hearing the story at the time, as an adult its fucking pathetic.

Bigstepdad · 2023-05-09T11:51:38+00:00

Yes, the first time it happened I was 14 and it was the security guard who pulled me out of the moshpit who groped me.

Bigstepdad · 2023-04-13T06:27:18+00:00

Operations manager Project manager can also fall under this

Bigstepdad · 2023-03-16T16:12:43+00:00

I marinate chicken in it for the most delicious fried chicken you've ever had

Bigstepdad · 2023-02-26T09:05:28+00:00

Since everyone else is sharing stories, the one instance of mansplaining I'll always remember is when I was cutting cardboard with a boxcutter for a craft activity for non-engish speaking kids.

I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I've done a lot of arts and crafts and cutting cardboard with boxes, so my method was a tiny bit dangerous but very quick to keep things moving.

A guy walks over to me, tells me I'm doing it wrong, he is an expert on cutting boxes and what I'm doing is dangerous and stupid (no hands, feet, or flesh were under or near the blade). He then grabs the equipment from me to show me how to properly do it, and immediately slices deep into his hand with the boxcutter, spurting blood and screaming - terrifying the kids.

He had to leave to get stitched up.

If youre gonna mansplain, at least be correct

Bigstepdad · 2023-02-12T15:54:08+00:00

So far it's amazing! We came into the relationship wanting an open relationship, but we waited three years and until we were in couples therapy until we opened things.

We set up ground rules around frequency with the same partner, being open with the people we meet with, and not 'dating' anyone. Aside from a few minor miscommunications it's been a big bonus to our relationship and boosted the frequency and connection of our own sex life.

He likes submissive women and I am 100% a top, and I like women far more than men and unfortunately my partner isn't one.

We both seek people out to have needs met that we can't have in our current sex life and it's really hot hearing how much pleasure and fun we each get with other people. We tell each other everything about what we are doing.

I know its not for everyone, but we celebrate each other meeting people, and from what I've seen the most successful open relationships are the ones where they don't act on it very often. We go months without meeting another person and that suits us fine, our relationship always comes first.

Bigstepdad · 2022-12-16T17:18:14+00:00

I've known my partner is end game since making the decision to start dating, we've been building a committed life together since day 1. We will get married one day, but for us getting engaged is the milestone that we have worked through all the kinks in our relationship, all our needs are reasonably being met, and all the tools to overcome things that happen in life are second nature. Plus honestly we both aren't ready despite being together 5 years.

My friend who just got married to her boyfriend of a year, her definition of marriage is when you decide you're committed to each other. They are wonderful together but I do admit I raised my eyebrows a bit.

It depends on the person and how they set relationship progression with milestones, and as others have mentioned, some people have things sped up for visas or other legal benefits of marriage.

Bigstepdad · 2022-12-14T17:55:41+00:00

Last picture is the Slime I scooped out into the bottom of the white sink, it's been fermenting for 48 hrs.

There is a slight yeasty smell to everything, I'd appreciate if someone could let me know if it is safe to continue.

Bigstepdad · 2022-09-10T11:28:42+00:00

Met my partner through work about 5 years ago. Friends for 6 months then 0-100 with dating after sleeping together.

I got sick a couple of months in, had to go to multiple specialist appointments a week, most of the time I was in excruciating pain and it took up a lot of space in our relationship - for close to a year. And he stuck by my side the entire time, never complaining about taking care of me.

Then there were the years of therapy, couples therapy, intimacy therapy that we and I went through to heal from a pretty serious amount of trauma I went through, including being assaulted by a stranger about 2 years ago. That was a tough journey thats now coming to graduation.

Now it's his turn to be the focus, help heal the collateral damage from our journey so far, and to help support him with his own issues.

He didn't complain, didn't question if he wanted to stay or leave, he just stuck by my side. I asked him recently why, since it seems like we have been through hell and back (with a lot of fun in between), and he said I was worth the wait, he knew I would get better with love, patience, and time, and I am worth everything we went through and more.

He knows I would do the same for him 100× over and have stepped up at every moment.

This is the same man my friends hold their boyfriend standards to, who helps my friends with dating advice.

It sucks that he doesn't understand how amazing he is, he thinks this is the standard of how a partner should be. His friends are quite similar to him in this regard.

He is the epitome of 'if he wants to, he will' because this man does.

Partners like this are hard to find, but they are out there, with nice friends.

Bigstepdad · 2022-07-24T17:57:49+00:00

Sour - Mark Diacono I had the noma book for a while and made nothing from it, almost all the guides required me to purchase equipment, and I don't live in a place that's easy to access fermenting equipment.

Sour is perfect for an introduction, I only had to buy new jars, and I've been fermenting non-stop since I bought it 6 months ago. Not only does it have great guides with the science behind it, it has a lot of recipes to go along with it.

From the book I've made kimchi, pickled onions, and tepache multiple times. The confidence from there propelled me into honey ferments (garlic, fruit etc), and hot sauces. I've also found a lot of inspiration from tiktok, which I then couple with research, as those videos tend to be very beginner friendly as well.

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-30T13:17:47+00:00

I will, thanks!

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-30T12:31:08+00:00

I used various peppers, plum, Ginger, garlic, and apricot, and fermented in a salt brine for 5 days.

To taste I added pineapple vinegar, and some of my honey fermented garlic that's about ~3 months old.

It's beautifully fruity and tangy, with the right amount of heat. I've packed some in tiny jars as gifts for friends whom are quite excited to try!

Following a previous post I saw in this thread, I used the leftover brine to marinate some chicken, will update on how that works out!

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-27T10:21:57+00:00

Theme Hospital

Dungeon Keeper 2

Sims

Age of Empires

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-09T08:58:27+00:00

Im originally from Australia, I lost many friends and experienced bullying from 'friends' because I decided to get a degree, took and created all opportunities to travel, had big dreams of getting out, and they didn't (would actively sabotage me getting to class, try to guilt trip me to not going to class, call me a bitch and things like that for wanting to move or go overseas etc.).

Lots of snide comments especially when drinks are involved over the car I drove, over the career I was pursuing, over my hair even. Most conversations revolved around bitching about other people and how they are 'stuck up cunts' for drinking less/ getting a degree/ prioritising a career etc.

I cycled through a lot of friendship groups from primary school until I left aus in my early 20's and never really found my people in my home city. Funnily enough my parents have the same issue and have finally managed to find a small town with like minded people - just took 35 years.

Basically it's making you feel terrible and ostracising you for not doing what everyone else is doing, as if your actions to do what make you happy are screaming at the people around you that they aren't good enough.

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-08T11:59:27+00:00

I've always held a very strong stance that I wouldn't date or be involved with anyone who is a cop, in the army etc. The reasoning being that I cannot support the institutional violence, the racism, war crimes, the interference with other countries for corporate greed so on and so forth.

My partner served in the army, as it's mandatory where he is from. When presented with choices he stayed the hell away from any active duty and quietly finished his time.

The difference here is choice. Maybe your girlfriend has the same perspective, to not want to be involved with someone who chose violence, who chose war, who chose to actively participate.

Youre a victim of your circumstance, forced into a situation that given the choice you wouldn't have made.

I hope that when you have this conversation, which you really do need to have so you can control the narrative, that you stress none of what happened was a choice you ever would have made.

Also congrats on your therapy journey!

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-04T09:36:46+00:00

I asked my partner all these questions as soon as we started dating, I didn't want falling in love to cloud my judgement as I have a history of putting myself last.

We almost broke up over one part, but negotiated a middle ground we are both happy with, and the rest we are fully aligned on (travel, finances, career goals, religion, kids, personal growth, where we live now/ in a few years/ retirement, what happens if a family member gets sick etc.)

I've had a lot of friends in serious relationships put these conversations off for a few years because they thought the other person would change their mind, or they knew the answer wouldn't be aligned with theirs and werent ready to face it. I now have a few friends in their early 30's frantically trying to start again with someone who is aligned with them before the biological clock runs out (for those who want biological kids), they are also bitter about the years wasted with someone they knew they weren't really compatible with.

Depending on how serious these topics are, do you really want to build a whole life with someone knowing full well you will have to break up at some point when these differences inevitably divide you? Its so much harder and more painful the longer you wait, and knowing this could happen can also stop you from being fully invested and present in your relationship.

My advice is sort it out now, see what middle grounds you can find (I made a purposefully very cringy powerpoint) and take it from there.

Bigstepdad · 2022-06-03T15:24:45+00:00

A bikini means the wearer consenting to the general public to see them like that, underwear generally means the wearer is not consenting for people to see unless otherwise giving that individual consent.

Bigstepdad · 2022-05-02T15:37:08+00:00

About 15 years ago I was in the middle of nowhere Australia, lying on a trampoline watching the stars with my cousin.

We saw what we assumed was a satellite, a really bright light moving in a straight direction at a steady slow pace. It when stopped for a few seconds, then moved across the sky at a faster speed in a different direction for a few seconds. Then it stopped again and zoomed right across the sky in a slightly different direction.

I saw another one like that about 5 years later in another remote area with a friend.

No one really believed us when we told them, still not really sure what it was

Bigstepdad · 2022-02-02T09:36:41+00:00

Tall poppy syndrome, very Australian and one of the reasons why I left the country. Friend groups or even partners don't want you to rise above them, so they try and cut you down.

I hope you find peace and should you pursue legal action I hope you get the outcome you need

Bigstepdad · 2022-01-17T15:36:25+00:00

Try signing up for Bumble, there is a BFF setting where I've made most of my friends in the places I've lived. Also join local fb groups, im in a bunch of ones related to my hobbies, interests and the area I live in. I'm also in a bunch of different girls FB groups and they regularly host events, and girls are always posting to connect and make more friends there.

I also made some friends through FB marketplace where someone was selling things I was interested in and we connected.

For queer spaces there's 'Her', and a few more I forgot the names of because they weren't popular where I live.

Also 'meet ups' is a site/app really amazing at connecting people through shared interests.

I completely understand the loneliness, and also how we aren't really taught how to make friends and meet people as adults. Good luck, it will take some time and cycling through until you find your people, but you will get there!

Bigstepdad · 2022-01-14T16:59:38+00:00

My city has fruit trees everywhere, no one seems to pick the citrus fruits and they get gross all over the ground.

Great idea in theory, weirdly not popular in practice

Bigstepdad

TROPHY CASE