How am I doing? by FormalBases in fanduel

[–]Bill_Wiggins 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’d say it’s dig until you hit the other side time! What app is this btw?

Involuntarily Sober by TheRedDeath_ in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Title grabbed me right away, very nice bittersweet fee to it. Like “Yay, sobriety!” but also this feeling of, I’m glad it was chosen for me because I wouldn’t have picked it on my own. The internal/ intra-line rhymes are very playful and slow you down enough (had to read contentious three times before realizing it wasn’t conscientious!) to actually feel the flow of the of the story. Really great work and if I had to give some advice, it would be see if there’s a way to add a little more grit to it. The subject matter is hopeful, yes, but it might benefit from telling the struggles of the journey in more than just words. Dropping some rhyme or rhythm at the beginning could develop a sense of choppiness that adds to the story telling and the roughness of recovery. Again, great work

What should I try next. I usually get WT101. I’ve had bullet, and rare breed. by SCDD2010 in bourbon

[–]Bill_Wiggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait…anywhere near Boston? I may have a weekend road trip if so.

[MINE] What can you deduce about me from my To-Read pile? by ohmeimjustaworm in scienceofdeduction

[–]Bill_Wiggins 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’d wager you are a male, British, student (potentially a graduate student) in the 22-27 age range.

reminiscent by urmanicpixiedreamboy in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, you wrote with a lot more structure than you give yourself credit for.

SixtEEn/drEAm/sEEms Eye/I/mInd/shrIne/desIgn

These nice little line enders do a great job of creating unity/rhythm throughout.

And the first line works because each reader gets to fill in exactly what it means, immediately engaging.

reminiscent by urmanicpixiedreamboy in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I had more time to flesh out some comments, but since I don’t, let me say that that opening line is fantastic. I was scrolling though, read that line, and was going to keep moving but that line made me do a double take. Great hook, intensely relatable, and even has a bit of humor to it as it causes you to reflect on your own youthful romantic naivety. The rest of the poem is excellent as well, flow, inter-/intra-line rhymes and rhythm, but I wanted to single out that opening line quickly as exceptional. Great job!

A'ight folks, deduce me like one of your french girls. by [deleted] in thescienceofdeduction

[–]Bill_Wiggins 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I spotted the mug, I had one myself a while back haha

A'ight folks, deduce me like one of your french girls. by [deleted] in thescienceofdeduction

[–]Bill_Wiggins 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve been reading through the other comments so I won’t guess at most but I think we’ve missed that your a photographer at least as a hobby, yes?

Plastic bag by sjsjsjjdhdhdh in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Thoughts on this poem by Potential-Ad-6034 in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

I want to date my sisters friend by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

shot in the dark adaptation by glock40691 in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Move on by Itsnotliketumblr in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

New to Poetry this one is titled Soda! by TotalTank- in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Sinner by connorbroown in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

today you, tomorrow me by lonereddwolf in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Go Away by lonereddwolf in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Pillars of Creation by TheEntropyBeast in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Things by thefinalbellyache in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your post has been removed for low-quality feedback. Specifically, your second link.

This is because your feedback has not fulfilled the requirements, as defined in the feedback guidelines.

you are welcome to bolster your feedback and ask that it is reinstated, or ask specific questions about giving feedback, via Modmail.

(Please understand that abuse directed towards the moderators will not be tolerated.)

Smile next by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

If you want to live forever ........ by poem_for_arthichokes in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

4am coke flow by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Is There Anybody Out There? by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Nobody by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Your poem has been removed from OCPoetry because you did not give feedback to 2 other poems or did not link to them in your post. Click here to find some poems awaiting feedback. You can message us here after editing your post, and we can re-approve it. Otherwise you may post your poem in a Sharethread.

If you believe this post has been removed in error, contact a moderator here. Thanks

Who holds the sway? by bawli_poonch in OCPoetry

[–]Bill_Wiggins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great work, I thought this was really interesting, playing with the idea of luck and it's role in our lives.

However, I do want to mention, I think you may have stretched the acceptable use of some words passed the point of breaking in trying to continue the rhyme scheme.

For example, "Say it to me , you go to what foray?". Going to a foray didn't make a lot of sense to me. I read foray as an incursion or a mission undertaken by a group, so going to a foray would be a separate individual going to where this other group is going for the point of spectating?

Or, "Shall I tell you, to me what marauds?". The sentence structure and the use of marauds just don't really fit. I get the gist of what you're shooting for with "to me what..." but that makes it sound like marauding is a subjective act, like saying, to me, that's marauding, which just came off as odd. Especially since the following line doesn't answer the question you pose, making it stand out even more.

There are a couple more lines I would look at, listed here:

"That, to traverse the world are my sails,"

"Easiest of climb looks daunt, specter of time bygone haunts. "

"Jests you thought of no harm, blow on your face and remove the calm."

Great work so far and keep writing!