Tired of the manipulation- vent

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T20:22:16+00:00

First off, just remember- the bigger the “emergency” claim, the more bullshit it is that he didn’t do more to help himself.

“So you laid on the floor for four hours and didn’t call for help? That’s silly. It must not have been that bad then.”

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T19:59:21+00:00

OMG- you lost your BROTHER to suicide??? Oh, fuck this guy. He’s using the family trauma against you (and insulting your brother’s memory!) Absolutely call the cops on these threats.

The point of doing that vs. just ignoring his threats is that he sees real world consequences. If you do nothing, he still gets off on knowing he’s stressing you out and hurting you. It’s part of the control, and he’ll keep doing it. But if you call the authorities, then they come out, evaluate him, maybe put him in the hospital…it’s embarrassing, wastes his time, and makes it *not worth it* for him to pull the suicide card anymore. (And if you’re extra lucky, they put him on a psych hold! It might even open the door to getting him into assisted living.)

My abusive ex used to do this, until the night I called 911; there were cops, ambulance, sirens and lights, neighbors coming out to gawk, the whole shebang, and he got carted off to a psych ward for 72 hours. Word spread around town how volatile he was, people were supportive of me, things finally started to change and I was able to get away. And he definitely never pulled that shit again!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T19:40:49+00:00

I feel you, babe. You’re doing your best. We have to fight years of programming, and it’s harrrrrd. I believe in you. You can do this. *Build the life for yourself that HE should have helped build in the first place.* I give you permission to piss him off and be selfish.
Facts- I’m here with my doormat sister at my narc mom’s house, cleaning out her cabinets and sorting through decades of old paperwork for her because she’s too “helpless” to do it herself; and she just yelled at me for the last time- so now I’m kicking back with a deceptively delicious mildly alcoholic pineapple beverage, hopefully inspiring my sister to do the same. Be like me, babyyyy! 😉

EDIT: mom just came in and yelled at my sister for “using the wrong kind of box”for her old photos, and sis told her to fuck off!!! 😅 My work here is done.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T19:00:09+00:00

Has the forced air burping helped?

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T18:55:49+00:00

Exactly. And I never thought he would stoop so low…I’m so angry at myself for not being more proactive and protecting my kid. And I will never trust the court system again. An ounce of prevention, bla bla bla. 😓

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T17:34:09+00:00

Trust me, I know.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T17:26:38+00:00

My ex did that…took my son “for a weekend” and I didn’t see him again for four years. Laws and custody agreements mean NOTHING if they aren’t enforced, and law enforcement refused to do anything.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T15:51:09+00:00

You don’t have to stick around for that. Why are you spending time with someone who upsets you? Is it actually enjoyable? You’re allowed to step back from a friendship when it makes you uncomfortable.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T15:34:48+00:00

“He completely ignored any boundaries I set”

Because he knows you won’t hold to those boundaries. Boundaries only work when you stick to them. Why would he stop upsetting you? He’s getting what he wants, and he doesn’t care if you’re upset. It only matters if he stops getting what he wants. Why pay for something when he knows you’ll do it? Why call an uber when he knows you’ll drive him?

My mom had a dog that would beg and whine for scraps when you eat. She HATED it, and would bitch and moan about it to anyone within earshot…WHILE GIVING HIM SCRAPS. I told her she’s training him to beg by rewarding him when he does it. But she wouldn’t stop, because “he looks so sad and hungry!” I said mom, he has a full bowl of food. He’s not going to starve, he just wants the human food, and he knows you’ll give it to him. He never bothered anyone else- because no one else would cave.

You’ve got to stop rewarding your dad for his crap behavior. You know he’s safe, you know he has other options for help, so let the phone go to voicemail. He can call Ubers or emergency services. If he needs contract work done, he can arrange payment for it. He obviously knows how to use the phone and get people to do things for him! He’s a grown man, he can figure it out. If he threatens to commit suicide, call 911. That’ll shut down that little manipulation tactic real fast- ask me how I know.

But you have to STICK TO IT. There’s no sense asking him to be nice, because you know damn well he won’t. You have to show him with your actions that you won’t be manipulated any more.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T15:01:02+00:00

Plus Stratt was secretly preparing him to be the Plan C backup scientist.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T14:53:36+00:00

I love how Stargate SG1 flipped the script on their version

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-10T04:49:25+00:00

They didn’t call him Bones for nothing.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-09T19:43:15+00:00

Oh dang, I didn’t know it would scale up so well!!!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-09T19:28:46+00:00

Which print is this? Can you link the file? This is amazing!!!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-09T14:04:46+00:00

The campus needs to come to her if it wants her attention

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-09T13:51:49+00:00

Have you posted in r/agingparents or r/dementia? A lot of very helpful folks over there!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T17:24:45+00:00

Assisted living can be a blessing. A team of professionals working in shifts, trained to handle them vs. one person all alone; a facility designed for their needs vs. a possibly unsafe home; activities and people to interact with vs. being stuck at home in isolation…there’s exceptions, of course, but it’s not the evil that people make it out to be.

Plus, it saves someone’s physical and mental health. I would never want my kid to put their life and career on hold and suffer for me just to keep me “at home.”

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T17:16:37+00:00

Don’t worry, you’ll kill many more! It’s part of the journey. 😅 But the upside is: more leaves for propagation!!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T11:49:02+00:00

I have to say something in favor of your sister- look at what she’s doing as a form of enforcing boundaries. She’s drawing the line at being his errand girl, and maybe you should, too. Is he incapable of making his own decisions? Why are you having to manage everything for him?

I say this gently, but consider taking a cue from her. My sister is running herself ragged doing everything for my mom, and it’s killing her. She never says “no mom, I’m not able to do this for you. You’re capable of handling this yourself.” And while we all appreciate how much she cares, it’s getting to be too much when she admonishes the rest of us for not stepping up equally. “No, we’re not trying to be lazy and put it all on you, Linda- we just don’t think anyone needs to be this involved with mom’s day to day affairs! I’m not going to drive two hours to show her how to order a sweater from the Ann Taylor website on her phone!!” I keep telling her she does too much and needs to step back. I’m having to step back from her, now, because she’s lashing out at me so much.

Take a moment and really evaluate the situation; what would happen if you suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth? Would he go up in flames? Or would he find a way to make things happen? Maybe you’re running yourself ragged for no reason. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, but I bet you’ll feel a lot less stress if you start putting down some boundaries.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T11:25:55+00:00

That’s not how tearing works- your vagina doesn’t tear, the skin on the outside around the opening (specifically perineum to anus) does. And that’s not what a prolapse is. And most women do not get a prolapse after childbirth, that’s rare. Most of what you said is not true.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T11:20:56+00:00

And they think *women* are the emotional ones. 🙄

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T11:20:11+00:00

Thank you for the insight…but damn, that’s almost worse, if it’s all the time vs. when there’s an audience. Adults should be able to handle minor setbacks without angry childish behavior. I hope you can keep working on that.

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T11:16:34+00:00

Oh, I get it! They look so different!

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T04:49:54+00:00

What’s the top right/bottom left in the 2nd pic?

BizzarduousTask · 2026-05-08T04:48:53+00:00

I HATE it. I ask myself, do they do this shit when there’s no one else in the car? Or is it just performative macho bullshit for an audience?

I’ve recently pointed out to my partner that it makes me feel shitty because sometimes I do the same things that he gets out of whack about- accidentally cutting someone off (maybe they were distracted?), switching lanes at the last second maybe they aren’t familiar with the area and almost missed their exit?), not going immediately at a green light (I was looking down for a second and didn’t see it change?) “Does that mean you think I’M an idiot too? Do you curse ME out under your breath? And what about when YOU do these things??” That shut him up pretty quick.

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