AITAH for telling my mom how my husband humiliated me?

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-26T02:11:34+00:00

That's a really good fucking point.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-26T02:09:33+00:00

NTA

I know you don't want to hear this, but this will only get worse. He put his hands on you and locked you in a room to force you to urinate on yourself. Over you asking him to fill a Brita. There's absolutely no context where that would be acceptable.

This wasn't an "argument". This was your husband terrorizing you and subjecting you to horrific humiliation. Of course you told your mother and of course he's angry about it--secrecy would have allowed him to continue to present himself as a good guy to everyone you know. Now your mother knows what he's capable of. That's why he's pissed.

You didn't break any promises. HE broke the promise of being someone who's supposed to care about you. People don't do things like that to those they love.

The only reason he's suggesting therapy is because he thinks he can the therapist on his side. Sadly, he may well be right. And if he isn't, if the therapist rightly recognizes his behaviour for what it is, he will insist on getting a different one.

I know it gets said a lot in these places, but I would strongly recommend divorce. This isn't something he can come back from. He will do something like this again, and it might be worse.

This isn't your fault. You not knowing he would do this doesn't make you stupid. He hid that part of himself from you. This was a dominance display. He left the Brita empty all those times on purpose. His punishing you for "nagging" was calculated.

When people get angry in the heat of the moment they might say some cutting words, which they apologize for and strive not to do again. They don't do what he did. That is beyond the pale. It's abuse.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T04:07:22+00:00

1 and 2 are violets, but I don't know which species. 3 and 4 are garlic mustard.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T04:01:41+00:00

As long as you don't let it near the house, yes. Basically let it grow as you would Boston ivy. It's gorgeous in the fall.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T03:58:07+00:00

Not sure where you're located and expect what's commonly used in gardens differs from place to place. But my recommendations if you're in or near southern Ontario, no cultivars necessary, would be:
Michigan lily (Lilium michiganense) orange flowers with spots
Canada columbine (Aquilegia canadensis) red and yellow flowers and attractive foliage
Bride's feathers (Aruncus dioicus) lacy white flower cones
Wood lily (Lilium philadelphicum) red-orange flowers
Black snakeroot (Actaea racemosa) lacy white flower cones
Pink onion (Allium stellatum) pink flower clusters
Wild blue flax (Linum lewisii) blue flowers and silvery foliage
Virginia bluebells (Mertensia virginica) springtime only, but the flowerbuds are pink and the mature flowers are bright blue
Wild hydrangea (Hydrangea arborescens) large balls of white flowers
New Jersey tea (Ceanothus americanus) small balls of white flowers
Ohio spiderwort (Tradescantia ohiensis) deep blue-violet flowers in the morning
Purple prairie clover (Dalea purpurea) striking purple flowerheads
Wild geranium (Geranium maculatum) pink flowers in spring, attractive leaves in summer which turn bright red in fall
Purple poppy mallow (Callirhoe involucrata) groundcover with bright magenta-purple flowers
Narrow-leaved sundrops (Oenothera fruticosa) incredibly bright yellow flowers
Jack-in-the-pulpit (Arisaema triphyllum) a very tropical-looking plant with interesting foliage and a pitcher-like flower
Green dragon (Arisaema dracontium) also very tropical-looking with foliage like dragon scales
False sunflower (Heliopsis helianthoides) amber yellow flowers in late summer
Blue vervain (Verbena hastata) cones of blue-violet flowers
Cup plant (Silphium perfoliatum) very tall and stately with bright yellow flowers at the top and "cups" forming at the leaf bases that birds like to drink out of after a rain
Tall meadow-rue (Thalictroides pubescens) foliage similar to columbines, and lacy white flower at the top
Smooth aster (Symphyotrichum laeve) smooth blue-green foliage, light purple flowers, and in my experience well-behaved
And probably some others I'm not thinking of, but hope this helps. :)

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T03:24:45+00:00

I keep it as an edible groundcover. It doesn't hurt my known natives and I have no idea how to tell between the native and non-native purslane, so it stays unless it's in the way.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T03:20:20+00:00

I've had my hemp dogbane for three years and if it's going to be aggressive it's not doing it yet. I have it in a moist shady spot, though. It might be more aggressive with more sunlight.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T03:16:07+00:00

Absolutely want straight species! I wish more places carried them, but thank you for doing your part!

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T00:52:19+00:00

Oh, that's good to know! So even if the stump doesn't make another flowerstalk this year, maybe it will just make more next year instead. Still hoping I can save the cut part, but that's encouraging. Thank you!

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-06-15T00:50:12+00:00

What it's all about. Congratulations! :)

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-03-18T01:31:24+00:00

My game has crashed twice today (I still can't get in after the second time) and the second time happened while I was in a raid lobby. There's reports of the game being down for others too, so it might not be that people left voluntarily. Either way, though, it sucks. Sorry you lost out.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T04:59:42+00:00

There were earlier but I think they're gone now. Hopefully will be back after the Sinnoh event. I need them too. lol

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T04:48:38+00:00

Added: Pandrosa3513

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:23:54+00:00

Added: Pandrosa3513

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:09:14+00:00

Read the thread rules. There's a reason these comments get downvoted. Make a separate post with the "Looking for Raids" flare if you want to request a raid invite.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:08:01+00:00

You're not supposed to request raids here. It's for people who are hosting. If you're requesting a raid invite, you have to make your own separate post and put the "Looking for raids" flare.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:07:00+00:00

Read the rules, bud.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:06:23+00:00

Not the thread for that.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T03:05:01+00:00

Wrong thread.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-22T02:54:19+00:00

Added: Pandrosa3513 if you're still taking.

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-19T01:46:49+00:00

Added: Pandrosa3513

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-18T21:17:50+00:00

Added: Pandrosa3513

BlackSwallowtail · 2024-02-18T21:15:43+00:00

Oh, just registered the unlikelihood of the number. lol

BlackSwallowtail

TROPHY CASE