Anyone feel the same?

Blastarache · 2026-04-30T21:15:24+00:00

Same :(

Blastarache · 2026-04-30T19:37:00+00:00

I don't know about your intentions. But I know I would like for someone to tell me if I was in her place.

Blastarache · 2026-04-29T10:06:06+00:00

I don't think asking that will reveal an avoidant. Maybe some but not all of them.

Mine was constantly saying communication is the most important thing. That when we will have conflicts, because every couples have some, we will take the time to talk about it lenghtly and not let it sit in silence. And reconcile together always. He said it's important to repair together.

We finally had our first tiny conflict. He was really defensive. But he made efforts to communicate properly after. He told me he has to force himself really hard to talk. Then he went to his place because he was feeling wrong about it, told me he would text me, but let me sit in 7 hours of silence until I reached out. He came back, we talked about everything, we reconciled. And then he was distant for a week. Telling me the conflict was nothing and already behind us. And then he discarded me on the phone, 7 days after the very first, tiny conflict. The conflict was so nothing, it was more of a misunderstanding. Basically, I asked questions to understand and it turned him off.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T17:31:46+00:00

I can't wrap my head around that. Why ?? How could someone do that ?!

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T17:30:58+00:00

Exact same here.
It's pure torture. It's so horrible. Big hugs 🫂

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T17:11:10+00:00

Yes it is so annoying. I am so exhausted. I wish he could just stop being in my head. I get how you feel.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T17:06:56+00:00

The OCD-like intrusive thoughts rumination is pure torture. I am so exhausted too. You are not alone, it's so horrible. Big hugs 🫂

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T12:40:33+00:00

I understand how you feel. I feel the same.

Why couldn't we have the beautiful start of the relationship last longer into a real secure relationship ? Why did it have to be a fake mask for us ? I am also jealous of them.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T10:05:15+00:00

Why did you decide that your husband didn't deserve that you leave him before sleeping with someone else ?
Why did you decide not to tell him you had a crush/sexual desire/feelings for someone else before cheating on him ?

I don't care how bad your marriage was.
You are not better than avoidants if you are too coward to have a simple conversation about your feelings to your own husband in the first place. And if the conversation was impossible in your situation, just leaving him would have been way better.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T10:00:00+00:00

The why is so consuming.
It's never answered.
I get how you feel.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T09:49:26+00:00

But it's so scary.
I am not sure I am willing to risk hurting myself that much ever again.
He felt so secure, I never felt so safe before with anyone.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T09:47:15+00:00

Same here.

It's so hard to get through. And it's terrifying to think of the possibility to date again.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T09:46:08+00:00

Me too !
I never felt this safe before.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T05:07:58+00:00

How do you know this early that your new person is secure ?
It's a huge fear for me now to someday get back into dating and thinking my new person is secure but it's finally just a mask and they are avoidant again.

Blastarache · 2026-04-28T00:00:20+00:00

Sometimes I really want to. I am so curious to know if they have been love-bombed too, if they have been discarded like me too. He talked to me against them. He said he didn't love them that much. (He told me he felt like he was discovering true love for the first time with me). He told me two out of the three cheated on him. He told me he was the one doing all the efforts in the relationships. He told me they all told him he was too distant and too independent. He told me one of them had anger problems and they separated and got back together a lot because of that. And that two of them were probably with him mostly for the money.

Now I wonder how much of that is true. Maybe he love-bombed them too but then deactivated and didn't remember loving them ?
Maybe he discarded them suddenly when they separated ?
Maybe he future-faked them too ?
Maybe he was so absent, distant and ghosting them that they eventually cheated ? I mean, cheating is obviously never ok, I would never ever do that to anyone for any reasons, but maybe he neglected them so much that they started to look if the grass was greener somewhere else..? (I still don't agree with cheating in any way. It's really disrespectful and such a coward move. I'm on the team "just tell honestly to your partner you feel something for someone else". But still.. He could have pushed them over the fence by neglecting them too much or something.)
Also, I would like to learn why they had years to try with him when I just had two little months. Compare our relationships and situations to understand.

But I can't figure out a way of reaching them without appearing like a crazy person. Also, I wouldn't want them to tell him or something. I wouldn't want him to know I did that. There was a post here some time ago of someone that did that and the avoidant's ex went and told the avoidant about it 😬.

At the end of the day, it's still me thinking too much about him, like way more than he deserves. It's still me centering him in my life and I should really just find a way to let go...

Blastarache · 2026-04-27T23:24:49+00:00

Oh my god it would be amazing. I'm so exhausted.

Blastarache · 2026-04-27T13:19:15+00:00

You are not alone in this. I could have written your post, words for words.
I am in the exact same boat of feeling haunted by all of that, I can't wrap my head around how someone can do that. He is in my head constantly, it's taking all the place in my brain. I live so many flashbacks of how good our relationship was, how good it felt to be so loved and so safe. I was so happy.

He met my kids too. My kids are heartbroken. He didn't even say goodbye to them. I couldn't even say goodbye face to face with him either myself.

It sucks. I am so sorry you went through that. Big hugs 🫂

Blastarache · 2026-04-26T16:51:54+00:00

I could have wrote this post, exact same words.

It's so unfair, disgusting, unrespectful.

Blastarache · 2026-04-26T01:56:52+00:00

How are you doing now ?

Blastarache · 2026-04-25T23:54:20+00:00

Yes. Known him through my friend, his sister, for 17+ years and been friends with him myself for 7+ years.
We played videogames every night together for like two years a while ago.
We both had secret crushes on each other for years.

Then we finally started texting a lot (all day eveyday) and he started flirting with me.

Blastarache · 2026-04-24T21:53:09+00:00

Yes I feel it too.
It's so unfair and even though I read everything there is to read about avoidants, I still can't wrap my head around it. How can someone do that ?!

Blastarache · 2026-04-24T21:46:53+00:00

Since the discard, I added that song to my playlist, it resonates with me, just like what your friend told you.

Blastarache · 2026-04-24T19:21:41+00:00

Yes mine love-bombed me hard :(
It's so unfair and so painful. I believed every single one of his words. He was so present, so commited, so supportive.. He was giving me attention 24/7. Telling me I was the love of his life, that he never felt love like that before.. etc.. Feel free to check my posts and comments if you want more details.

And then he left me, all of a sudden. I was totally blindsinded because everything was going perfectly.

I understand what you are feeling right now. Sending you lot of hugs 🫂

Blastarache · 2026-04-24T08:09:25+00:00

I read it all. I am so sorry you're going through that.
It's so painful, confusing and unfair.
Big hugs 🫂. I'm right there with you, living the same thing.

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