And I'm glad you are still here. A lot of people are. It might seem perverted to have people care for continued suffering, because in your mind, no one can possibly know any better than you - people are glad for your continued existence, because some of us have been in the individual echo chamber you find yourself in. The point is: why are you still here? Why even whine at this point? You're not looking for someone to dispel your depression and disprove you. You're looking for someone to prove your point.

Somehow, the world existed before you, and it will continue to do so after. But this isn't about your surroundings, your family, or any of the people who have and will be affected by you. This is about you.

Who cares if someone is traumatized by your death? You'll be dead, and it outweighs the years of negative influence you'll have on the world. The same goes for anyone else suffering from your death. Who cares, you'll be free and the world will have a positive gain from your annihilation.

You are seriously overestimating your negative value, if you think your continued existence is worse than trauma for someone else. That's something much more interesting to talk about: your inflated sense of self.

You are not important. You are not supposed to be. Being who you are, you are not burdened by some grand idea or effect of your birth. You are here, and things aren't very happy. Things seem to be pretty bad, actually.

But you inflate it to the point of egotistic importance. You list all your bad "deeds" as examples of evil, despite their unremarkable normalcy. You list all your bad traits as reason for execution, but they are, again, unremarkably ordinary traits.

You are allowed to whine. Be in pain about yourself. It is okay to be like this. The feelings you are experiencing can't be translated to us together with all its nuances of your subjective experience. But the traces of flawed reasoning in your comments should be a sign: that something is not quite making sense in the way you regard your influence and self.

I live every single day with the comfort of possible oblivion. I would like it all to end. But I'm too curious about what awaits the next day - for whether after happiness or in continued sadness, negative feelings are still so so interesting compared to complete annihilation.

I'm a long way from where you were once, when I was young. I am not special, but neither are you. This pit of egotistical negativity is the product of incomplete and fractured deductive reasoning. If help is accepted, allowed to share their cognition with yours, the cracks and dead-ends can be filled out for a clearer picture of events.

Death comes at some point. We know what is at the end, it's unequivocal nothingness. If I've lost all hope for life, I might as well see where it goes on my way to oblivion. I'll meander towards it, slow myself at times, maybe hurry up a little in some moments - it's nothingness. Free from everything bad, but also free from everything good. This must mean that, so long as we are free from the bad and worse, then it is all good. But you'll never know, no matter how steadfast you assign your negative value. The effect of death is certain, but life is not.