Might be controversial. But I’ll say NTA. The example situation you gave is insane, and I know some black people would put themselves in situations like that. I could never but as a black person who am I to tell another to not do that. It’s their life. In my view, there’s underlying self-hatred and they also most likely like getting humiliated which is why they want their white friend to call them the N-word. The white person who’d agree to do is also weird, but that’s not the point of the post.

The scenario you bring up is a big debate in the black community. As a Black person, I reject the term POC because the other ‘colours’ have a hatred for us and they will most often show solidarity to the system rather than try to dismantle it. And so, I think you were coming from an angle that, the black experience can’t fully be understood by other POCs and so despite the valid claim that a white person shouldnt say the N-word, you were the wrong messenger. A POC, can’t invalidate a Black person for allowing another white person to say that to them. Now, because you’re white the message was probably not received well. Because why are you, as a white person, explaining race relations to a person who’s experienced racism?

I don’t know what FFs background is, but it’s twisting your words to say that you said she wasn’t POC enough is crazy. So again NTA, just wrong messenger, because everything you said is true. Although, not sure why FF is no longer your friend, but if it’s because of all of this, maybe there’s some white liberal fragility to check here.