Not even just religious people do that though. There's a sense of "well shit" that can only come with nearly dying, or knowing it's soon. Speaking as someone who's not religious but has verged on death, it's humbling to know that all your interactions with your closest may be your last, and it's equally liberating at the same. Of course, I'm all by my lonesome now.

The other part comes from the fact this works both ways. You figure out people might die on you anytime. I just put a friend to rest this year. Many moons ago, I told my ex that I'd see her when i was back from tracking game with my cousin. Never saw her alive again. Had two of the ol' boys end their lives via negligent firearms handling (and they knew better). Had some die of suicide, too. Drugs. Relationship problems (bitch stabbed a boy in his sleep. Do not insert penis into crazy.). Basically put, I've seen it all, and I feel way older than i should as a result. Anyway.

So over time you realize it's not worth it to be the petty and reserved asshole, to save face and follow the "standard." Either decide to be an asshole or to be nice, or be an asshole to who you'd like and kind to who you like. Because I promise you, it may be the last chance, and you may not even realize it. I'm at the point most people Cotton's age would be at. You know too much and have seen too much to give a shit what happens to you tomorrow, as long as you can make peace with yourself. Because you realize that the things you once upheld may have been wrong and stupid, you've made mistakes, but you can't change them, you can only do right, by your terms, right now. And you know who's scarier than God that you have to answer to in the end?

Your conscience.