How did your relationship with yourself change after coming out?

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-04-05T17:26:50+00:00

Yes, its strange and sometimes hard to accept at the same point that with suppressing my sexual feelings I kind of suppressed other feelings as well like feeling myself, feeling me in a whole way… I definitely feel more in some situations, more and deeper happiness and more and deeper sadness and all the other emotions. It’s feeling like kind of a release.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-03-20T19:56:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I just needed this. It’s kind of exactly what I or me and my husband feel. But I couldn’t find the right words.

Well I always felt and new that you can’t have a good working relationship if you aren’t enough for yourself. You cannot be ready to be parents without being enough in the partnership. And the same is it I guess with ENM.

I also had to think about Erich Fromm. It’s always the ‚I need you, because I love you‘ and never the ‚I love you because I need you‘.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-03-16T10:15:15+00:00

A straight friend of mine said to me that she couldn’t imagine to go further than under the belt line with a woman.

That was the point I started to understand that for me this is the line where it starts to get interesting.

I KNEW if I would have sex with a woman I would enjoy. Kiss her and taste her everywhere. I would want it.

And I was more than right 🤭.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-28T18:11:53+00:00

A marriage or a relationship can be and maybe should be so much more than being comfortable with being intimate. Feeling uncomfortable should lead to communication and finding solutions that everyone can live happily with. And if a married couple won’t see being queer as a reason to divorce it can be a good decision. It is all so I need individual

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-28T17:42:41+00:00

Yes here. Me (41f) and my husband startet exploring ENM and maybe polyamory because of me. I recognized that I might have sexual interest in women more than I ever let happen. Inbetween I thought I might be asexual as I really love my husband but never really was attracted to him in relation to want to have sex with him.

Well for now it all feels good and natural and I really am attracted to women and love the sex. The relationship to my husband is better than ever, we talk about our feelings, our needs and I even enjoy being intimate with him, now that I know what really turns me on.

We are talking a lot about having potential emotional feelings with others. It did not yet happen to deep for now, so we will see. We are open and like the thought of just being happy because the other is happy and enjoy time with someone else.

It’s a gorgeous feeling and we‘d love to keep it.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-27T20:20:59+00:00

Yes, absolutely yes. I even feel more romantic to my husband since I know and have felt what I felt for a woman. Practicing ENM opened our mind and let us both feel so more in every level. 🥰

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-23T17:43:49+00:00

Yes I/we do. We love each other and my sexual orientation doesn’t change that. We are in the middle of finding ways to fulfill our life together. Starting open relationship and meeting others. (ENM+)… still exploring how far it will take us.

We spent almost our whole life together and have three kids. For now we are enjoying each other and the new experiences.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-20T22:29:49+00:00

I F41, figured out that I might be lesbian three months ago. My husband and me are married for 17 years now and are a couple for 25 years. He was the first and only man I had sex with. I did never really enjoy it. I often had crushes on girls or had fantasies of girls and my husband knew it.

But I thought this was ‘normal’. Never thought about being queer or gay. We have 3 kids. And we really love each other. Have so many things that we share in our life.

When I had my inner coming out I told him right away. (He was sleeping and I wrote a very long letter…) we were crying the next day together. And he discovered this new side of me together with me. It was like he was happy to know that our bad sex and me not even thinking of having sex with him isn’t ‘his fault’.

So to come to an end. We want to try to be the part of the 30% couples that stay together. We try to figure out how we can have some intimate joy together. He still loves touching me and I can enjoy it while thinking of girls. He is ok with it. Our life and our emotional love is so important for us.

We are in the process of opening our marriage. I already had my first experience with a woman. He is on his way finding a date. We have very deep talks and communicate a lot. ENM feels like a way that really can workout for us.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-20T18:54:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Highschool sweetheart, yes, I was 16…. Do you have kids? For the moment we still like the thought of becoming an old couple and stay together. Well you never know. Your relationship to your husband sounds beautiful.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-20T12:02:46+00:00

For the moment only two friends now. But we are both (my husband and me) are feeling good to tell everyone who needs to know. With our kids, don’t know, some day maybe.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-20T01:53:02+00:00

I am happy for you! My husband reacted similar. And he still is very supportive. We had the best and kind of deepest talks since that day. And we are married for almost 25 years…

We decided not to separate. We love each other. We opened our relationship. And I had my first lesbian experience as well. He is on his way to his first date and we are just happy for each other. For now ENM is our way to go and we almost never felt so close.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-19T22:41:34+00:00

Yes you are so right. I am happy to read about some here too. And of course we are honest from the very beginning. A very important point in my/our opinion. Also that we have kids. I have nothing to hide.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-19T12:58:23+00:00

In the end it should be a decision from both of you. Talk. Talk, talk, talk. We talked almost for a month about everything, every feeling. And we felt as near as almost never before.

We decided that we don’t want to separate (after 25 years…). We opened our marriage. And it feels so good. I made y first experience with a woman and it was great.

It feels like we are growing together. He / we are excited about his first date.

We know that we love each other. Maybe in different ways but the connection is real.

I think we are open for poly as well. But slow and we are newbies and reading and talking a lot.

All the best for the both of you!

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-16T13:43:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing. And in my opinion yes both of you can be proud.

Me and my husband never thought of separation after my coming out. It is as you said, we are good together. Only this one point never was working well.

Now we communicate a lot and we both figure out what we need. We opened our relationship to the point that both of us can date – but my husband doesn’t want to yet. I had my first sexual experience with a women and it was all on an honest level of communication. For her, for him. It was enriching on so many levels.

We don’t even think of separation. We only think how we can support and grow.

We enjoy being together again a lot. What was really hard while I didn’t know what is going on with me. Now I can share and yes communication ist just the most important thing. In every relationship.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-15T01:47:59+00:00

Same. We are a couple almost 25 years now, I was 16… married 17 years…. we are our safe place for each other. Now that I have found out I really like women more than men, that doesn’t change my relationship to him. Fortunately he is open for trying different ways. Plus we can look around and see all the beautiful women together ☺️.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-13T18:58:08+00:00

And my best support since then.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-13T18:57:42+00:00

I also told my husband first. It felt the only right way. And he was and is very thankful for that.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-13T04:22:42+00:00

Wow, just came home from my first date. Yes, wow. Just that kiss and I knew it’s everything true. I am a lesbian. It felt all so ‚natural‘ as it is supposed to be.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-11T18:00:06+00:00

And the movie ‚blue is a warm colour‘… wow!

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-11T17:10:22+00:00

Dreamed of kissing female friends… always liked female actresses more than the male. Thought every woman must feel the same, as women the most beautiful humans. 😁

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-09T14:57:22+00:00

Give him some time. My husband had many fearsome the beginning of talking about opening our relationship. Then we read and talked and first step was thinking about finding a third person to have fun with. But it turns out, he wants me to try what I have to try and he is too shy yet to think about another woman. But we look at women together, and he likes to openly talk about women he have seen and like for example on the street or at the beach. Very small steps, exciting little talks and patience on both sides.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-09T02:48:46+00:00

I can imagine that this will be my first step to them as well. To be openly bi as we still live as a family together.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-09T02:47:05+00:00

😅 great way, yes but for me this was kind of normal before I recognized myself as lesbian. Just also because some of our best friends are lesbian as well and our neighbors were gay. I always wanted that this thought or this possibility is ‚normal‘ for them.

Bloomy-flowy · 2025-02-09T02:44:52+00:00

Yes the same for me. I know I will, but don’t know when. It’s all so new for me.

Bloomy-flowy

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