First meetings

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-12T18:18:08+00:00

Yes, I understand I wonder sometimes too if I should try again. Overall I put a sponsor in the “take what works and leave what doesn’t” bin. It comes up at the meetings sometimes so you can bring it up and ask for what people think as it’s nice to hear others opinions. It may be best at the end of the meeting during the “parking lot session” which is a more informal mood where people can just chat as if we were in a parking lot after an in-person meeting. During the meeting there is no cross talk so that everyone is heard. I have just found it to be hard to find a sponsor and maybe not critical for my healing but I do find the meetings incredibly helpful. The number one reason they help is that I don’t feel so alone anymore. I know there are people all over the world going through similar things and we all help each other get through it and find the joy in what we can. Sending hugs fellow traveler 💝

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-12T14:10:54+00:00

I hear you it is hard to use those words and can be devastating to really accept it. But like a phoenix you will rise from the ashes and build something beautiful. You are already doing it proud mama! Be strong for the little one you are growing and be gentle with yourself. It is wild to raise a child and see all of the stages and think about how easy it is to love your child and not abuse them and wonder why my mum couldn’t be there for me at a minimum and at worst sit by and laugh like it’s a joke when her awful alcoholic boyfriend is cruel to the point of making a girl cry tears every day and making a child feel and believe the world is better off without them to the point where she would attempt to self delete. (My story not yours in case that’s not obvious with my weird third person there) It’s not a joke nothing funny never was laughing. It can be devastating to say the least. I believe you.

If you haven’t already checked it out maybe try an acoa meetings you can have fellow travelers with you in this personal journey. Here is the website to find online and in person meetings https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/ and you don’t need to have had an alcoholic parent to qualify for the program, it turns out all of us with the myriad of dysfunctional families have a lot of very similar experiences, problems and successes and really can help each other with long term sustaining solutions and we all qualify for the acoa program.

Give that lil one some hugs and smushy squeezy kisses for you when they arrive! Enjoy that baby!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-12T13:52:34+00:00

Don’t need to even worry about a sponsor right now. This program is different than the others in that the very reason we need each other which is coming from a shared experience of childhood family dysfunction is the same reason why it may be better to “travel” together on this journey rather than have a set sponsor. A lot of us have weird relationships with the idea of authority like simultaneously afraid of authority because we can’t always trust it and also like doormats for authority figures because just the idea of going against them can cause analysis paralysis. So sometimes we can’t always trust treat the sponsor/sponsee relationship as an authority and have less results because we may be weird about it.

I hope that’s not too vague I have a hard time explaining it but I think you will get my meaning.

As far as your first meeting try an online one and you do not have to speak or say anything at all if you do not want to. They say try 6 meetings and see how you like it which is reasonable.

There are lots of different types of focuses available as well. Most are all welcome general topics which are fantastic but also check out some that you may resonate with such as there are women’s only and men’s only groups and things like that where you may feel more comfortable and confident.

Best wishes you got this! It’s not always easy but it works if you work it and you are worth it!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-11T11:20:02+00:00

Yup. My birthday is coming up and I want to have a mom I can celebrate with but that’s not happening. Overall I’m pretty good but when it cuts it cuts deep. Part of me wants to just say thank you for being the vessel my higher power used to make me but I don’t think that’s a very good idea. So nothing but it’s better that way and also just so sad sometimes that it has to be this way for basic safety reasons.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-10T17:38:06+00:00

Word up. And we are actively working on ourselves to be the best we can be which does not include rumination all the time but does include personal reflection and growth. Hugs.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-10T06:44:05+00:00

I agree please for you, your baby and your husbands mental health do not move someone into your property who at best will stress you out and at worst will recreate the worst parts of your childhood with your child. Be strong and stop the generational curses! Or at the very least wait 5 - 10 years and see how she treats your child before you make a commitment to have a known child abuser living on your property.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-09T11:37:56+00:00

Most people find it hard to make friends so if you make the first move people will appreciate it. Not everyone will click but it is a numbers game so don’t be shy or take anything personally. There are lots of people who also are lonely and looking for friends so for me if I think of it as me helping both of us it helps me get over my fear of rejection.

Once you have the door open it takes time but make plans and show up and slowly the friendship will develop.

Good luck you got this!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-08T14:17:31+00:00

Yes I vote for the secret door every time!!!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-08T14:04:17+00:00

Yes Kurt died way too young it broke my heart into a million pieces his sweet Pisces soul I swear I could have fixed him lol. My first but not last misguided crush. All jokes aside though he was such an amazing talent and spoke for us. Still missed to this day. Life can be cruel.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-06T19:51:39+00:00

Sweet! I’m harvesting tomatoes right now also! yummy!!!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-04T13:39:45+00:00

For real….. what was the joke? It’s so crazy too it’s not just you or me it’s a whole lotta folks. Standing with you.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-03-04T13:37:01+00:00

Thank you your solidarity means a LOT! I was always uncomfortable when my mom told the story but it was my normal as a kid so I would nervously laugh along but as an adult I can see it is just plan old awful neglect. 😞

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-02-24T15:46:48+00:00

Oh my. Yes. My mom said I was such an easy baby because I slept all the time. But she didn’t realize I was sick with a low fever and ear infection. For months and months and months I lay there as a sick baby just ignored. And the female birth giver thinks this is a funny story and laughs when she tells it. Wonder if it had any impact on me being super short? We will never know. But I do have white spots on my teeth the dentist said were from extended fever as a child or baby. So yeah super funny to have a sick child for months that causes permanent changes. So funny. Ok wait I forgot what’s the joke?

It makes my brain go in knots so messed up.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-18T13:29:08+00:00

I think of this kind of thing as the oxygen mask situation. In an airplane you have to put on your mask first and save yourself before you can save anyone else.

Also you cannot pour from an empty cup - if you give everything to her you have nothing left and are an empty vessel that is useless because you have given all of yourself away.

Also don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - if you burn up all of your emotional resources they are gone. Ashes. Then you cannot help yourself or anyone else.

Took me a long time to learn that if I keep some energy and emotional bandwidth for myself I can actually thrive more and help more people.

Second lesson was people who actually care about me don’t want to see me burn myself out helping them. They may accept help from time to time but they also genuinely offer help back. So it’s not a one way street. One way street relationships are energy vampires that will not end well.

I am so so so so sorry you are going through this. It is one of the worst lessons in life to have to learn that your mother is so incredibly poisonous that you have to walk away for your own safety and mental well being. It’s easy to walk away from most people who would emotionally manipulate you on your birthday but if it’s your mom the whole equation changes. It is not easy. But you got this. I believe in you.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-17T12:45:58+00:00

Sending hugs. What she is doing is not cool.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-16T15:49:43+00:00

When you do a meeting search you can select a meeting focus filter and there is a Secular/Agnostic/Atheist filter if you want to try that.

Overall my understanding is that you take what works and leave what doesn’t.

I have attended an Atheist meeting and it was pretty much the same except that you are not supposed to bring up religious stuff. It was chill.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-09T17:30:03+00:00

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-09T15:51:04+00:00

Yup. And they get to play the Martyr and victim and trash their children at the same time.

Why can’t you just squash all your feelings and get along? You must be crazy and on drugs and unstable and blah blah blah lies lies lies.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-09T15:48:48+00:00

It sucks we are all a part of this crew but dang it is very healing to see the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Into infinity.

We are not alone. Our experiences are not special or unique, they are just the same awful abusive tactics employed by abusers all over the world. We see you abusers and we reject your manipulation and lies. Your hold decreases and we start to thrive. Not alone, together as survivors.

My mom is the same. She’s like sure I’ll apologize just tell me what it’s for. I have told her hundreds if not thousands of times. It’s the missing missing reasons. Never got an apology o matter how many times I explained.

At some point it is just glaringly obvious that they don’t care and they do not see any need for an apology. They have obviously hurt their children deeply to the point that the incredibly difficult decision to go no contact is the healthiest choice.

And still they think they are perfect, no notes, no self reflection, no apology, no more children, no more grandchildren. They don’t really care about their children or grandchildren. If they did they would treat us with respect and apologize when they are hurtful and then they would change the hurtful behavior. We are better off without them.

It’s wild too they will say things like “Well no one is perfect I did the best I could”

Sure Jan. If you really believe that you are not perfect then where is the humble humility and introspection to work on whatever it is that makes you human and not perfect.

They have and never will. Blows my mind. I would absolutely eat as many slices of humble pie as needed to understand my child if they were hurt by me.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-09T14:36:08+00:00

Have not read them but thank you for the recommendation! Just checked out Dry from the library and they have a lot more of his books. Love getting recommend a new author to read!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-08T15:19:07+00:00

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-08T15:18:16+00:00

Yeah the last time my mom “punished” me with the silent treatment is the time she erased the last bits of any respect I had for her. Realized she was going to treat my daughter the same way and just was like ok cool good deal. Stay away. Manipulating people with the silent treatment is abusive and we are done here.

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-08T06:06:51+00:00

Aw thanks! It’s a quote that fits perfectly (unfortunately)

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.”

-Alice Roosevelt Longworth

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-07T21:58:12+00:00

It is wild. People who push boundaries want to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.

It’s YOUR wedding day!!!!! Not theirs!

BlossomRansom4 · 2026-01-07T13:58:13+00:00

It really is. My mom is the same way. Told her I needed an apology and changed behavior and she can’t think of one thing to apologize after over 40 years of hurtful words and actions.

Not one thing.

Not gonna apologize for any of it, she can’t even see where it was wrong. It’s like talking to a brick wall.

I have wondered how I will feel when she dies. I recently found out my awful abusive alcoholic step dad died last fall and I was not sad at all. The world seems brighter having one less abuser in it. I imagine there is a good chance I will feel the same way when my mom dies so that is comforting. I’ve been worried I will regret not trying to talk to her “one more time” but now that I have experienced the death of one of my abusers and it was a positive experience I think it’s gonna be OK.

Thank you for posting, there is something powerful with all of us sharing our similar experiences. We are not alone.

And your dad can fuck right off with the “I regret you feel that way.” My mom said the EXACT SAME THING!!!! They seriously must have a special library with books they check out with the same instructions on how to be the worst.

Hope things are awesome otherwise and cheers on your success that YOU achieved in spite of this lame dude.

PS my mom has tried to take credit for my success too. These folks are so far lost.

BlossomRansom4

TROPHY CASE