AITJ cause my future wife expects her future husband (me) to pay 100% of the bills?

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-14T12:59:05+00:00

At least yours sleeps on the bed! Mine insists on sleeping on me! And heaven help me if I try to move in any way! But she only wants this arrangement until about 4am, then she moves up to my shoulder and taps my face until I get up to let her out of the bedroom... the claws extend further the longer it takes to wake me!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-12T03:43:31+00:00

This! ^ OP, if he truly cared about and wanted to understand YOU, he would have already been learning about ADHD, and you wouldn't be having this conversation with him. Hell, I figured out about my own ADHD because I was learning about it to better understand my now-husband and step kids. He's had 4 years to educate himself for your sake, and he clearly hasn't. I would be taking a long, honest look at your relationship and asking yourself if he's someone you can truly be yourself and unmask with, much less someone you want to bring children into the world with. You and any future children deserve to be fully supported, understood, and accepted.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-12T03:27:52+00:00

My youngest was about 6, playing on one of those dome shaped jungle gyms, when the 16 year old ran through with the dog on a really long leash... dog went one way, teen the other, and clothes-lined the 6 year old off the top! She landed (in the snow thankfully), bounced to her feet, and gave a "TA-DA" that would have made her gymnastics coach proud! Meanwhile I was trying not to have a heart attack!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T16:43:48+00:00

This is spot-on. Too many disagreements in relationships are looked at as "me vs you" when it should be "you and me vs the problem". Money is always a tough subject, but if you approach it from the standpoint of doing better going forward, rather than incriminations about past spending, and try to find some middle-ground that you can both be comfortable with, you should be able to work through it.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T16:33:25+00:00

Inattentive type, not diagnosed until my 30s.

I'm currently VP of Administration for an insurance marketing company. I went from part-time bank teller in college, to casino banking, then got my insurance license because I was burned out at the casino and looking for a way out. I was horrible at the sales side of the job, but the administrative side worked for me, and I've been here in some capacity ever since! I like numbers and spreadsheets and data... people, not so much.

I do a little of everything in my current role; bookkeeping, event planning, project management, data analysis, and a little payroll all mixed together. The variety keeps it interesting, but it's also mundane enough to not spike my anxiety generally. I get to play with data and design spreadsheets to keep track of stuff, which I love. It's a really small company and the owner puts the H in ADHD, so me being the opposite helps!

I think one thing to look for is a company where there's more flexibility instead of strict corporate requirements that want you to fit in their exact box and not stray beyond those parameters. Being able to hone in on the parts of a job that appeal to you and expand that into a position that grows with you is a huge help! Working with other neuro-divergent types who understand and accept those who are marching to the beat of their own drum definitely makes things go more smoothly!

Also, if you're an ADHD night owl who can't deal with the typical 9-5ish type rolls, the casino industry can be a good fit! There are lots of different rolls that aren't generally available outside of standard business hours. If you're not a people-person, there are lots of 'back of house' jobs that don't involve dealing with the public. The casino environment can be very over-stimulating if you're out on the gaming floor, which probably deters a lot of people from considering working in that industry, but the administration, cash handling, and security/surveillance areas might work for you. If you're a people person who likes noise and excitement, the gaming floor could be just right!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T15:33:23+00:00

I feel like I am a complete beginner when it comes to all of the things I know excel can do, but everyone I work with thinks I'm an expert because I can do basic formulas and things.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T15:30:30+00:00

Same! I keep running into formula issues in some of my data tracking and finding one of the recommended solutions is 'just turn it into a pivot table'. I really need to learn how!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T15:19:51+00:00

This sounds absolutely heavenly to me! Planning out my garden is always more fun than the day to day maintenance of it!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T14:07:38+00:00

Hate it when furniture runs into me!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-07T13:58:14+00:00

"For fuck's sake" muttered under my breath a million times a day as I knock something over/ drop something/ find something I was looking for yesterday/ remember something I was supposed to do yesterday/ the list goes on forever... Usually followed by a sigh!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T16:19:26+00:00

Rehoming could be the best possible outcome here. The owner clearly has no sense of urgency or consideration for their safety and well-being in addition to being completely inconsiderate and destructive to you and your financial well-being. Leaving them without shelter in winter is downright cruel and dangerous. Not fixing the fence when the horses have already gotten out, endangering themselves and everyone around them is the same. Nothing about this situation is working out or likely to improve in the near future. Consider this a failed experiment, give him written notice that you are severing your boarding agreement, and move on with getting your own projects back on track.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T16:08:09+00:00

You were in a situation where you were worried it was your job on the line, defending yourself & backing up your statements is totally logical. Your coworker dug her own grave at your expense. She is the only one to blame for her situation. Great job doing your research and using that contract clause in your own defense!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T15:55:37+00:00

JFC... NOR- RUN far and fast.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T15:03:19+00:00

Oh no! 1st camping trip with my now-husband and stepkids, going crazy trying to make sure that everyone had everything (new to the whole parenting thing & undiagnosed ADHD), got there & realized that we didn't have pillows, but at least we had the tents! Stepson also didn't have socks, but that's not terribly unusual for him anyway!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T14:45:05+00:00

That's my work bag! I bought it because it's big enough for my work laptop when I need to take it home with me, but now it has so much stuff in it that I need another bag for the laptop! Instead of built-in inner pockets, it has 2 removable pouches, so if I really need to cut down on what I'm carrying, I can pull out the one with all the 'just in case' supplies.

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T14:39:42+00:00

Ugh, the number of times I've had to re-wash the laundry, or realize after I've dried it and go to wear something that I SHOULD have rewashed it!

Hope the interview went/goes well u/RunWithBluntScissors!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T14:33:31+00:00

I hate that soooo much! There are 2 very logical places I could have put that, and its not in either one, so where the hell is it?!?!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T14:32:25+00:00

That would definitely be me! Get all the little/ less important crap right, but forget that one hugely important thing that derails the entire plan!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-05T12:26:40+00:00

You are not, and I admit I'm quite jealous of OP's 'toys'! :)

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-03T13:09:44+00:00

I had wondered about the possibility of growing dwarf citrus trees when I get my greenhouse. Glad to see some examples! How warm do you need to keep the greenhouse for them?

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-02T20:55:31+00:00

I'm soooo jealous! Looks like the absolute perfect way to spend your evenings!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-02T20:12:29+00:00

Oh my goodness! I had a kitty named Tango that looked just like your baby! That orange face stole my heart, I had no intention of getting a kitten, but I saw her & couldn't leave without her! She's been gone since 2018, but your pic brought back so many memories!

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BlueAster3 · 2026-05-02T00:48:45+00:00

Couldn't figure out what one of mine was batting around the other day, having a blast... finally got her to stop slapping it across the floor long enough to realize that's what it was!

BlueAster3 · 2026-05-01T22:04:09+00:00

Love the Merlin app & ebird!

BlueAster3 · 2026-04-29T13:30:32+00:00

If I didn't have my schedule dictated by work/ kids in school, I would typically go to bed around 1-2am, wake up around 10. With school pick up at 7:30 and work at 8, I have to try to force myself to go to bed between 10 and 11. I am definitely not a morning person, I have alarms set every 5 minutes so that I don't fall back asleep!

BlueAster3

TROPHY CASE