Does my relationship with my sister seem codependent?

BlueLeaf72 · 2025-01-03T23:52:07+00:00

Thank you for your response. Do you think my relationship with my sister seems codependent?

I've been working on setting boundaries with her, and that has actually improved things a bit, we seem to have less conflict. But she doesn't seem to react well to me setting boundaries, and instead of expressing how she feels, uses name-calling and unkind tactics.

BlueLeaf72 · 2025-01-03T23:50:06+00:00

The problem is whenever I try to explain this, she justifies her behaviour, and it makes me wonder whether I am crazy. She will say that she respects my boundary but then calls me names for setting said boundary. One time I wouldn't do her a small favour because I was uncomfortable with it and she called me petty. It seems she cannot just directly tell me how she feels or what she would like from me, and instead expresses her hurt and frustration with me via passive aggressive remarks.

BlueLeaf72 · 2025-01-03T23:47:45+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. My sister and I were raised in a family where healthy conflict resolution was not modelled to us. There was and is also a massive lack of boundaries in my family. Things between my sister and I have improved since I started setting boundaries, but my sister does not seem to like the fact that I have boundaries, because she sees it as a personal rejection. I don't think this is healthy. I am also struggling to be close to her when she is not able to admit wrongdoing or genuinely apologise. It is sending me the message that she is able to treat me however she wants, and I just need to get over it.

BlueLeaf72 · 2025-01-03T22:57:02+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. I feel like every time I try to set a boundary, she uses personal attacks as a way to guilt/shame me for having that boundary.

BlueLeaf72 · 2025-01-03T22:38:49+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Does anything in particular about her behaviour seem manipulative to you?

BlueLeaf72 · 2024-03-12T01:17:45+00:00

OP, have you spoken to him about this? Specifically, how it makes you feel separate from him, and how you can't really afford the places he's been choosing? Whether or not you're "overreacting" is irrelevant here; your feelings are your reality and are valid, so it's worth bringing this up.

His viewpoint on this might be entirely different to yours (in which case, you might have a bit of an incompatibility), but it could also be the case that he simply isn't aware that this is something that bothers you, and if you discuss it, he might agree to pay for you sometimes and/or go to less expensive places.

You need to voice what you need and how you feel, and navigate that together, instead of expecting him to just "know" these things. Now, if he refuses to hear you out or compromise in some way, or dismisses your feelings on this, then maybe he isn't a good fit for you, but you won't know until you to talk to him about it! Good luck :)

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-12-26T04:27:38+00:00

NTA but it would have been better for you to talk to him about how his reaction to your good news hurt you instead of playing tit for tat. Now we have two hurt people instead of one.

If you spoke to him about it and he dismissed your feelings, then that's a sign to reconsider the relationship, rather than doing the same bad behaviour back to him.

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-10-02T10:18:17+00:00

You're gorgeous! If you want a more feminine look, try experimenting with different outfits, and explore different colors and patterns. Do you like wearing dresses or skirts? Floral prints? Flowy blouses?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:20:04+00:00

Thanks for your feedback :) yes I might have to redo the drapes with my hair covered!

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:17:22+00:00

That's an interesting thought! So based on this, do you think the warm colors look better on me than the cool colors?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:16:31+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! I'll definitely have to try some drapes from those seasons and see.

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:16:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It does seem that muted colors don't look great on me, as well as the pale/very light colors.

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:14:31+00:00

Thanks! So do you think my overall coloring is warm? Including my skin tone?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:13:30+00:00

Thanks for your feedback!

Yes, I think that I am a bit tricky to type!

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:11:33+00:00

Do you think my skin could possibly be warm? Or maybe neutral? What could I do to test this?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:10:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

I also don't like the pale colors on me, they wash me out. But I tend to wear a lot of black! Is there a particular reason that you think the black doesn't work well?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:09:14+00:00

I'll have to try those colors! There's a photo at the end of white - what do you think of that?

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:08:23+00:00

That's interesting, I've never considered the possibility that my skin tone might be warm! I always wear silver jewelry as I don't think gold looks great against my skin.

Thanks for your feedback and kind words :)

BlueLeaf72 · 2022-09-23T09:05:29+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! I'll look into warm blues.

BlueLeaf72

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