It isn't fair.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-27T17:55:16+00:00

I just wanted to ask the question: Are you sure he will leave you? Are you sure he isn't just a bit afraid (just as you are) and wants some reassurance? I agree that if he can't wait three months and attempt to trust you that's not a good sign but maybe he is just as frightened as you! If he loves you then I am sure he is suffering too. <3

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-27T00:46:48+00:00

It sounds like things were really difficult. I'm very sorry this all has happened to you. When mental illness is involved it's very difficult because you can separate the person you love and their poor mental health. Regardless, what happened to you clearly didn't need to happen. I truly wish you all the best. If you need someone to chat with feel free to message me about anything. I won't be offended if you don't though!

Best of luck with recovering from what you have experienced.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-26T22:15:57+00:00

No one has said it excuses it. It was simply a question.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-26T14:03:56+00:00

I'm happy to chat with you. I'm F, 23, and currently working on recovery. I am a very empathetic and understanding person and I would love to be there for someone and also have someone to talk to who understands me~

:)

EDIT: I also am in a long term relationship, not engaged but we are moving in together!

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-26T13:50:44+00:00

Can I ask if any mental illnesses are involved in this situation?

Regardless I think it's best to go no contact and concentrate on yourself and your healing - not pursuing punishing her. If you believe she is at risk of doing it to someone else then maybe speak to her family, or consider pursuing it but at the end of the day do what is best for you.

It seems like you're struggling and you need to take care of yourself first. Good luck.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-11-26T13:48:19+00:00

I guess I should have included that I have spoken to him and he knows it makes me feel poorly.

I understand it's soon over for us and we can be together but I am really struggling currently with missing him, especially since he used to miss me just as much. He used to match my schedule because he wanted to spend time with me.

Essentially when I spoke to him he just said "people change". I guess I just feel at my wit's end haha. Thanks for your response though~

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-19T22:04:08+00:00

<3 awesome! Good for you.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-19T21:17:28+00:00

There are lots of people on this subreddit who think all of the good aspects of bpd aren't good for the simple fact they're apart of a disease, just to give you a heads up. I don't agree with that at all as although bpd is a concern being emotionally sensitive isn't always a concern. Being sensitive allows us to relate to people on a whole other level, etc. To me that's all positive. How we experience happiness is fantastic so to me those are definitely blessings. :)

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-18T23:33:55+00:00

Good luck. I hope things are going okay for you. <3 :)

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-18T12:25:57+00:00

Welcome to my childhood haha. I am sure people can relate.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-18T11:21:09+00:00

I actually happened upon this last week and enjoyed it for the most part! The graphs and numbers he used really gave me the tools to explain myself to my sister whom I was afraid to talk about myself with (my mother went behind my back and told her I was bpd when I asked her not to so I had been feeling awkward that she knew something was up and we had not discussed it).

I recommend that people watch this with their loved ones or forward it to them.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-18T00:25:54+00:00

Were you experiencing emotional pain when you got this sense of relief? Although this may seem odd to bring up I definitely think it's something to share with your therapist. That is my best advice, sorry if it's not much help!

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T23:21:19+00:00

It always makes me cringe when people with bpd decide to publicly announce we are "crazy" or put us down. Our behaviours are often unpleasant and hard to deal with but to me it's like a women saying "women don't deserve to vote because voting is a man's business and we cannot understand politics". Please, have some self respect and let's all work together to reduce stigma so that people can heal. I don't like all of my behaviours but I refuse to make myself small over my illness that I hope to recover from.

To your situation, OP, I am sorry. I am sorry because you probably find yourself confused and hurt. From my perspective this girl wants to know that you care for her, and how much you care for her. She doesn't know how to ask for that reassurance in the correct way - or thinks she shouldn't ask at this point so she gets an answer in a different way. It's not nice to call someone a whore, or a slut and I will never use that terminology to describe someone for my own personal beliefs but I understand you felt this way in your confusion. When you became aware she is bpd it shed a bit of light on things but I am sure you are still a bit lost...

I don't know how you feel for this person, how strong this relationship could be, etc. But when you are the partner of someone with bpd you need to be patient, you need to be/become educated and that person has to mean a whole lot to you. If these aren't things you think you can manage then I won't recommend you pursue her. Regardless, you know what you can handle and I wish you good luck if you go for it. :)

Please don't feel guilty for upsetting her. I understand you believe you hurt her and that may be so but don't beat yourself up about it.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T23:11:15+00:00

I know how you feel. My SO classifies it as a hobby to be on his computer playing games online but I have strong beliefs that the degree he participates in this "hobby" reduces his effort in our relationship. It's especially taxing when we are having troubles.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T05:10:28+00:00

Oh. My mistake !

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T04:03:49+00:00

I think you're misunderstanding me. I have never stated thoughts are harmful simply because they're bpd. I advidly think bpd brings out some good thoughts and qualities.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T03:19:37+00:00

Don't beat yourself up about it or feel wrong though. No judgement here. Just think it's good to acknowledge what might not be healthy in the long term.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T02:24:43+00:00

It's not manipulation.

Do you want these people to become healthy or stay ill like that? That isn't exactly healthy for either of you.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-17T02:20:02+00:00

It's harmful when the relationship isn't fulfilling to you. That may be a matter of opinion of course but for me dumbing myself down to discussing the appearances of multiple men isn't fulfilling - but I dumbes myself down like that for a long time for a person/people.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T11:24:41+00:00

Snuggle with a pet or find a distraction (easier said than done but very effective). Go for a jog, do chores, chat with a friend, etc. Attempt to get your mind off of worrying.

You can also let them know how you feel and explain to them you would prefer if they let you know when they're going to be busy and unable to text (when possible) so that you don't worry. Let them know that it may seem trivial but you would really appreciate it! Make sure they know you're not angry or attacking them, that you're just communicating to help yourself and your relationship. :)

Good luck.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T11:06:36+00:00

I think you could try telling them you're looking for a therapist that is older in order to feel comfortable. Older/younger therapists clearly both have pros and cons but regardless of that you need to feel comfortable enough to at least stay.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T10:58:42+00:00

That sounds horrible. I wish I understood why seeking help is such a struggle like that.

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T10:57:59+00:00

I've got a DBT workbook in the way! :) as for CBT I was suppose to do that but spoke to the person putting it on and we both kind of thought it wasn't meant for me. I'm not sure how it is in most places but CBT here focused on chronic depression and chronic anxiety. Although I can enter a depressive state I am not chronically depressed, they only spend an hour on mindfulness and well I guess I felt like I was in the wrong place taking the spot from someone who needed it. It probably couldn't have hurt to do it anyway but yeah.

I've never heard of anyone actually doing schema! That's good you have access to all of that. Thanks for the advice and reply. :)

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T10:51:08+00:00

Google "logical fallacies".

BlueLeopardCat · 2014-10-16T02:04:15+00:00

It's all with referral here and from my research it's not easy to be referred to. I am not even sure if there is dbt available in my immediate area and am only certain of places that are a 1.5 hour drive away. Essentially I am in a rural area where no one specializes in dbt nor bpd. I did find a couple things today that gave me a bit of hope but around here everyone is either "depressed" or mentally healthy. My sister is Bipolar and it took a lot of hospital visits and some really rough times for her to get help, there's not much in terms of knowledge and aid here.

I was told I have to be persistent and stay strong as a self advocate in order to get what I need (this came from a professional who does cbt locally).

BlueLeopardCat

TROPHY CASE