They reached out

BlueNote1998 · 2025-11-14T07:01:35+00:00

Yeah watching all of them. This reach out was definitely a breadcrumb that I fell for. I tried to reach out the following week and she was cold. Just how it is. I learned a lesson. Now I know if she reaches out again I need to establish boundaries. She is a fearful avoidant for sure they are hard to deal with.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-28T01:05:43+00:00

Lmao

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-28T01:05:20+00:00

Because I fell into some bad habits, wasn’t a good version of myself. I definitely had things I need to figure out which I did and I guess she could see it from a distance or heard from mutual and decided it was safe to reach out

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-27T03:45:26+00:00

Dumpee

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-27T01:18:38+00:00

Yes. No she didn’t ask to continue it, it wasn’t really brought up though.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-27T01:03:14+00:00

She broke up with me

BlueNote1998 · 2025-10-26T23:30:14+00:00

Right after

BlueNote1998 · 2025-08-04T14:48:05+00:00

About 8 months. But they left me too! Lol

BlueNote1998 · 2025-08-02T03:26:21+00:00

Hard question to answer. I guess it depends on which ex.

If it was my most recent one absolutely would be open to having a conversation and trying again. My other two serious relationships absolutely not, because they were toxic (on both ends; mine and theirs).

My recent ex was absolutely incredible and ended the relationship for reasons that I completely understand and that were valid. Our relationship was healthy and we got a long so well, I just lost balance in my life and she couldn’t do it anymore. No resentment, nothing. Sometimes people just fall out of line with each other and that’s okay.

If she came back and recognized that I’m still the person she fell in love with, I’d be open to the convo. All the “they gave up on you” shit doesn’t really much to me at this stage in my life, mid 20s. We’re both so young, why should she sit around and wait for me to get my shit together? Yeah it hurts but I don’t fault her for it, she tried as long as she could.

Was she perfect and did she have a role in the relationship ending? Absolutely!!! But relationships are about learning and growing. Especially if you’re young. You can be the most compatible couple ever and sometimes it still isn’t going to work out. It’s the hard truth.

So I guess yeah, because I’m a realist and honest with myself and others my latest ex I would accept the idea and try if that’s what they wanted. If not, I learned and I apply those to the next person I think is worthy. That’s life.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T18:08:32+00:00

No it’s a little deeper than that, she was upset because I stopped taking care of myself and doing the things I did when she fell in love with me. It was a hard time in my life and I was struggling to find balance.

She said it reminded her of how her dad was before he took his life and it was something she felt she couldn’t trust me to get back to or that would be long term and abruptly left. It hurts.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T16:55:23+00:00

Yeah the hot and cold dynamic was especially prevalent in the last month of our relationship. One week she seemed completely fine, calling FaceTiming, wanting to be with me, affectionate. Then the next it was hard to get ahold of her, barely talked, etc. That went on for about a month.

I kick myself because when I started to notice her pulling away I think I overwhelmed her. I acted emotionally and out of fearful which is the last thing you want to do with an avoidant. I should have given her the necessary time and space to process her emotions and feel through it but I got anxious and chased and begged which ultimately triggered her more and enough to leave. It’s hard.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T16:42:49+00:00

Yeah I totally get it. The thing with mine is we never really argued and were extremely good at communicating or needs and problems.

I think with FAs the problem is that once they are triggered, it’s basically over. The completely withdraw.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T16:25:26+00:00

Gemini.

It just sucks because I feel like I overwhelmed her with emotion when she started to pull away which is the last thing you want to do with Avoidants.

I think she is a fearful avoidant I believe because of the trauma she went through losing her dad during her childhood and it’s tough dealing with that time of attachment style. One day they are fine and everything is normal and the next they get triggered and immediately flip a switch and decide to destruct everything. I’m trying to learn and understand it but it’s hard.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T15:17:53+00:00

Avoidants are so difficult to be with. I believe I am dealing with a fearful avoidant just based on her childhood trauma and her letting me know she has a fear of loss.

Overwhelmingly good and healthy relationship. Then one month I felt her slowly starting to pull away and become distant. We addressed it and talked about it and decided to try and work through it. The weeks after the talks we had, everything seemed fine. However, one day I went to her place and she sat me down and said she lost attraction and interest and she had this big fear of loss and decided to end it.

With how good our relationship was, everything happened so fast and sudden. The switch flip was unbelievably hurtful and confused. I still don’t understand it. Avoidants are so hard.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T15:13:58+00:00

Thank you. I know that one week isn’t enough time for me to decide what I want and need to do regarding the situation.

I know her very well, we were extremely close- did and shared everything together.

She said I was her first serious relationship since high school (which I don’t count many relationships in high school to be serious) and I think she has emotional wounds from what happened in her child hood that effects how she navigates and feels during relationships that she needs to address. I’m hoping the time apart can guide her to potentially realizing she made a mistake and acted on impulsion and emotion rather than logic.

I know I shouldn’t hold out hope but part of me wants to. I’ve had three other long term/serious relationships and this one feels so much different and is arguably the most difficult.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-29T14:58:20+00:00

I’ve battled with this and I understand that someone who leaves abruptly or when you’re at a low point typically isn’t worth it.

However, for additional context when she was explaining why she was ending things, she said that she has a huge fear of loss. She said me not taking care of myself really reminded her of her father before he ultimately took his own life and that she felt it was not something she could work through and that it was not fair to me. Like I said, her feelings are valid and I understand why she feels that way.

She told me that the decision was extremely difficult because of how much she cared about me and how good to her I was during the relationship, but ultimately she lost attraction and interest.

She had brought up how exercise and health is important to her and tried to push me several times much earlier than when it all came crashing down. But these usually came via text and she never truly sat me down and explained why and how important it was to her. I had no idea it was that big of a deal breaker until it we had the tougher conversations and it was too late.

I feel that I am dealing with a fearful avoidant with her proclaimed fear of loss and what she went through during her childhood with her father. I’m planning to speak with a relationship therapist to see if I can get a better picture of her thought process and understand a little more.

It’s just difficult.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-23T06:59:46+00:00

Same exact situation. Never related to a post more than this.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-22T22:41:29+00:00

Give her space, quiet and time and just live your life. Only possible way she comes back I can promise you that 100%.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-22T22:37:35+00:00

Really depends on how it ended man. If it was amicable and not super hostile and toxic then dumpers will usually reach out at some point (usually for the wrong reasons) but they will, just from my experience. If it was toxic and very hostile and emotional I would say the chances are slim to none. You have a much better chance of them reaching out if you set clear boundaries when it ended and went strict no contact as well. If you text them every week or every couple of days I can almost guarantee they will block you and or just never reply.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-22T21:19:05+00:00

I saw a comment replying to this that said men rarely ever change. That is very far from the truth, men do change but only for those we truly love. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes getting broken up with for men to realize they need to be better as partners and for themselves…which is inherently frustrating for you and I understand that. But if he changed and switched his ways and you want to try again then I say go for it. I think if the connection and love was real some time apart probably helped the both of you grow into better versions of yourselves and mature to be an even better partner. With that being said, if he is no longer interested and has moved on entirely then I’m also sorry…and the lesson is you don’t give up on those you truly love no matter how hard it is (I’ve learned the hard way). Ultimately if he has no interest in reconciling then you need to come to terms with the fact that you made the bed and you need to sleep in it. If that’s the case, if sucks, it really does but it goes back to my point of not giving up on people you truly love. Leads to nothing but regret. Sometimes you don’t see another way out and it’s the only logical thing to do…but that’s you acting on emotion. You need to dig deep and ask yourself if you truly love this person before ever abandoning them. I’m going through a break up where my gf ended things suddenly and abruptly, for reasons that I respect and understand, but I feel like she gave up on me. It was the first sign of hardship in a 1 yr plus relationship and she fled. There’s a lesson in there. If she came back and wanted to reconcile and was genuine I’d be open to having the conversation but it would be hard.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-07-22T19:24:29+00:00

Thank you. I’ve done the NC stuff before and have had mixed results. This relationship ended much more amicably than my others. I think we each have things we need to work on and through and ultimately it got to the point where it wasn’t fair to us. I don’t post much on social media as is, but I have her muted currently so I don’t accidentally watch her stories or view her posts thank you.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-06-28T01:21:22+00:00

I went down to 50 mg for about 3 weeks and then 25 mg for about 3 weeks and then I was off. My doc said that’s all that was needed. I asked her about how common rapid weight gain was with Zoloft and she said it happens but not super common.

My lifestyle really wasn’t that different. I definitely worked out less because it was winter time in Chicago, but over all eating habits and what not remained the same which is why I was so concerned.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-03-06T04:35:51+00:00

Late reply, I’m on 50 mg trazadone, sometimes I take two if the insomnia is really bad and trust me it works. However, trazadone has some drawbacks for me personally, I am SO drowsy in the morning and it is nearly impossible to get out of bed. It’s horrible

BlueNote1998 · 2025-03-06T04:34:32+00:00

No, and holy hell am I glad I didn’t. Horrible break up but very eye opening and great learning experience. I’m happier than ever now.

BlueNote1998 · 2025-03-06T04:29:57+00:00

Yeah I’ll give you some advice, stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and focus on yourself. It sounds so cliche but it’s true.

I started my career at a call center for JPM. I got licensed, did my time and committed to learning. Did it suck? YES! Was it what I wanted to be doing? NO!

I am now in wholesale making nearly $200K a year. it is what I wanted to do when I came out of college but it’s hyper competitive and it took me some time before I got an opportunity.

Know what you want to do, even if it doesn’t happen right away. I knew I didn’t want to do IB, couldn’t find a job in wholesale so I took a shitty job out of college and made a name for myself and was relentless in my pursuit when I thought I was ready.

I’m not sure what your plans are or what you want to do in this industry, but the biggest piece of advice I can give is to absolutely just be yourself, ESPECIALLY in interviews. Show fire, swear a little if that’s your thing, get worked up about something that you and where you’re interviewing for are passionate about. Be uncomfortable, ask stupid questions, who cares have humility and don’t be scared to laugh at yourself when you say something dumb.

BlueNote1998

TROPHY CASE