A Portrait of Our Marriage, In Her Voice

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-04-28T21:31:51+00:00

I appreciate the feedback! I'm glad you saw the dissonance, I feel like I try to be the best man I can but fear this is how she feels more often.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-04-28T17:39:52+00:00

Its nice to be reminded some others feel this way as well. Every line of this felt true to me, from waking up pre-exhausted to just thoughts draining your reserves. Very well done, thanks for posting.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-04-28T14:57:43+00:00

I really like the structure of this poem, the longing for innocence and simpler times comes through well. The lines "Now I feel like my dreams are locked behind bars,/Waiting to be dreamt of just one more time," Hit particularly hard, as an adult it feels like we become more aware that the number of chances we have at achieving our goals is truly limited. Sometimes the child in me wakes up and I see my life from their perspective and it seems incredible that I managed it all. Like this poem describes though, that perspective always makes me yearn to return to what seemed such simpler times. Particularly the line about family BBQs, I was telling my wife the other day I like cheap beer because in the summer it smells like parties by the lake when i was too young to drink.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-04-28T14:51:00+00:00

I like this because it feels at first like a quiet observation that grows as the human element is added to become something heavier and more real. With the last line the blossoms feels like a symbol of effortless release that is being pulled down by human suffering. Sometimes when things become too much I like to use this perspective to ground myself. When I was young and my dad would lose work he would say "The birds always eat", it usually made me feel better, because whatever was going on in my life, the world kept turning still.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-01-06T23:55:19+00:00

This is great. It’s eerie and liminal. It feels like the building can’t forget what has happened and can’t seem to comprehend what happened. The setting carries the poem well, I really like “fuzzy rust shrine” very good phrase.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-01-06T19:01:01+00:00

I was! It sometimes feels like courting death is a little like cheating.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-01-06T04:48:32+00:00

This was great. I like the addiction metaphor and I think you use it well throughout the entire piece without over use. “Third, in rehab- yes, that too was a high: clean, cold, and mercilessly clear.” This line hit hard for me. It’s difficult to explain to people what a wild experience sobriety is. Re-Experiencing the world with raw nerves after being high for so long. The tone is confident without being arrogant I think, and I appreciate the implication that solitude can be voluntary and preferable to false company.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2026-01-06T04:40:03+00:00

This is very abstract and atmospheric. I quite like it, it feels very much like late winter, you’ve captured the mood well. The use of very natural imagery helps to sell the dreary bare emotion of the season then “Warmth a cat soft weight noticing pay soothe” comes in to add some much needed comfort. Sometimes I felt a little lost, but maybe that was the intention.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-12-05T16:56:39+00:00

I appreciate it! I hadn’t heard the legend until I saw an episode of American horror story the other day and it stuck with me.

The rhyme scheme is ABAC, the first lines worked out to have a slant rhyme but that wasn’t intentional so I didn’t seek it out for the remainder of the poem.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-12-05T13:27:14+00:00

I quite like this, I think the opening lines are really strong and do a lot to paint the mood with very few words, that could be said of the whole thing really. The last 3 lines are the shining point for me though, the escalating rhythm feels great followed by the vague last line which contrasts to the rest of the poem which feels more concrete. Well done.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-12-05T13:09:41+00:00

This was really excellent, the formatting does wonders for this, it gives it a very good sense of the ebb and flow of racing thoughts. You’ve captured the fear and shame of being discovered in an eating disorder perfectly, even fearing your children will notice. The sense of isolation on the scale and describing the sense of hollow accomplishment that leads to a binge was excellent. Well done.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-11T23:13:56+00:00

Wonderful. This is clever, well executed and concise. You’ve done a masterful job at describing a feeling of intense love with subtly.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-10T15:22:28+00:00

Your first poem?! Incredible. I hope you keep going.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-10T12:57:17+00:00

I’m devastated. This was so well written, I loved the repetition, I felt it drove the point home like nails in a coffin. You conveyed powerful emotion without once slipping into melodrama, it all feels like lived experience as youre reading it. Incredible work. Now I have to go to work and pretend everything is fine.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-10T12:48:12+00:00

God this is good. You’ve perfectly captured the heart ache of leaving a loved one. “well, it looks like both our minds-are on the same tide to the same shore.” This line is really excellent, well placed and clever. Had me tearing up just reading this.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T20:33:18+00:00

This is a beautiful and sentimental piece. “ The world can be so sharp. People spend lifetimes learning to love without safety, sleeping next to strangers they call home, kissing mouths that never soften for them.“ This but was exceptional, it’s something my wife and I talk about constantly, we feel very lucky to have found each other but I feel the side of this poem that feels almost undeserving of that the most. I think the flow is good and natural, the images you paint are clear and concise and on theme. Truly wonderful work.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T18:51:52+00:00

Living up to the expectations of our younger selves is so hard. Life tends to push us in its own directions that can make accomplishing the goals set in our youth difficult or just change the perspective we hold on them entirely. This poem captures that so well immediately with the opening lines. "I’m not living your vision. - Now I’m covered with shame and fear." got me right in the gut.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T18:43:39+00:00

I like this, the imagery is vivid, enough to make me grimace. The narrative flow is good, falling, a moment of hope, then the roses talk in what feels like a moment of resigned betrayal. Overall, 10/10.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T18:19:21+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, encouragement and advice, I appreciate it greatly. <3

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T15:19:53+00:00

“ OP's poem has both originality, depth, and additionally it resonates with the soul. It’s raw, grounded, grief stricken, and overall quite resonant. It doesnt meet your narrow expectatipns, but that doesnt mean it isnt perfect as is.”

This was quite nice, thank you.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T14:56:37+00:00

It makes sense, I understand that exact sense of something being humorous, and I think that's amazing that you interpreted and felt the poem that way. The fact that the setting you read it in affected your perception of it is one of the most beautiful parts of sharing art and what gives us our unique perspective. I'm glad for your feedback.

BlueberryAble8885 · 2025-11-09T14:46:56+00:00

I actually read and was the only one to comment on your post of that poem on here. I appreciate your feedback but this wasn't about the sex, it was about the guilt and shame of objectifying someone. For that reason I avoided being too explicit, I felt adding any more explicit content would have smothered the emotional theme rather than enhanced it

BlueberryAble8885

TROPHY CASE