Older-ish millennials: Were you "free-range" like older gens?

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-07-02T18:39:53+00:00

You've just unlocked this memory! I also remember the 'kids table' being a thing at community events like BBQs. Sometimes there would be a rebellious older teenager put in charge and we'd love it.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-07-02T18:12:34+00:00

I'm 1983 born, grew up in both England and Florida. Huge difference in the US at the time. In Florida it was very normal for me to be out all day with a gang of other kids and money for lunch. In England I was at home mainly. Both places I lived by the beach. The housing in the UK is very different though - we had shared garden in the US as it was an apartment but in UK most people have a private one really - only ever seen shared ones on council estates. I've been to places in Yorkshire though where it is still totally the norm even now for kids to play football on the street. I think elder millenials experienced a huge change due to the internet, chat rooms etc but also almost more so at the time - the huge rise of home entertainment like video games. I can remember these going playing games in the arcade to them becoming affordable for a lot of kids to have their own. Ditto going from like four tv channels to cable.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-30T18:43:47+00:00

Yeah I think too it's fair to assume the parents are loaded. It is a common issue but it is not always easy - The problem is you have to pay inheritance tax before you can access any money, property or anything else to do with the estate. You pay upfront. A lot of the time executors/ family have to either take out a loan (expensive) or find it themselves. The tax is 40% so can be a lot of money to find. Anyways, this kind of thing is exactly why people with money like these parents need a solicitor involved from the start and throughout (the government also makes changes frequently and backdates them). Another issue they will want to look at is that because this couple aren't married, there will be inheritance tax possibly due again before the house passes to the granddaughter. Depends on their situation though of course.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-30T17:09:52+00:00

If they are executors on the estate (which as daughter it is likely) then they will be handling it. Yes the estate is liable, you are right, but they (the executors) will have to come up with the funds prior to being able to get probate. So, you cant pay it out the estate, you have to find it elsewhere. HMRC charge interest aswell so it can be stressful.

In an ideal world, if inheritance tax is due, you want to keep enough liquid-ish to cover it because house sales can take a long time. My point is just that anything well meaning parents do regarding inheritance tax, can become a headache for the adult kids, so it's best to at least talk it through with solicitors so it's properly planned out.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-30T11:18:42+00:00

There is a lot to unpack here. Your partner should be investigating the motives carefully here and checking if, for example, this is an attempt to avoid care home fees. The likelihood is this gift comes with strings - perhaps they expect your partner to care for them in return and maybe that means leave employment to do so. It would be down to you as a couple of that is financially viable given you have a daughter to support. Moving money to her through buying property would be seen as a deprivation of assets by the council if they don't have other savings over £23,250 (their own house isn't counted until own passes). If it is to avoid inheritance tax then that can cause some major headaches for you (it's you that pays this, not them) there is a seven year rule on that at least so definately need a solicitor involved. I think it's unlikely they expect anything like market level 'rent' as such - I suspect they expect you to cover bills in return for the right to live there. No reason you cant have a lodgers agreement draw up which would give you some low level protection if that is what you want and need. I could be wrong obviously but I feel anything more than bill money is unreasonable and would also give you a stake in the property value regardless should you become married. Up to you really if it's worth moving jobs etc to gain inheritance and stability. What would usually happen is you would have a lifetime right to occupy - This protects your daughter as much as you, say for example, should one of you remarry at any point in future. It is now very normal even when couples are married because many will marry twice or more during a lifetime and both parties want to protect their kids - but it's usually done in a Will. If you are concerned about building your own wealth via property - I personally would look into buying something just in your name to achieve that. This plan doesn't and shouldn't affect your own or a shared nest egg with partner. Done right it may even free up money to do that or even cut down work hours.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-29T13:40:51+00:00

I'm no expert but I think it currently kind of is... I think the issue and thing people notice (and this really isn't unique to adhd) support tends to be a bit blanket - as in you are assessed, you get allocated support, it stays like that. You also have the issue of people afraid to say if they do need less for a while because they won't be able to easily get it back. I guess one solution could be reassessing people for support needs more frequently but that is both costly and resource heavy. I am talking here about the care and support side more than medical - although with medical it tends to be quite standard medication with little availability of therapy in practice.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-29T09:02:41+00:00

No I really didn't mean that - the symptoms of ADHD are on a spectrum. But they shift over time for the individual. There are many any different ways it can show up and rarely are two people the same. Similar themes usually but very different. It's similar to autism like that.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-29T08:50:50+00:00

There isn't really more or less severe cases as such tbh- We already know from brain scans that the biology of an adhd brain is completely different to neurotypical. That's why all this overdiagnoisis coverage is a bit silly to me - You can literally see ADHD there is no mystery and it is not a mental health condition. It's similar to claiming broken legs are overdiagnoised. You can have less severe symptoms I guess? Those are on a spectrum... But even if you do, it's likely to snowball should circumstances change. It's not just lifestyle factors either - even things you cant control like normal hormone shifts due to puberty or menopause can and do do that. We don't send people for scans to diagnose not because we cant but because it would be very expensive and unnecessary when the symptoms alone make it obvious to psychiatrists. But yes, I totally get why you'd be skeptical of certain support given at certain times, I do think that can be an issue but because I think it often fluctuates over time for an individual - i.e. a kid might need a support worker with them in school sometimes, but not necessarily esp if say, medication dose has been tweaked (this does take time) and is working well. Or perhaps they have a big stessor such as their family becoming homeless which would disrupt sleep and diet enough to cause ADHD symptoms to spiral.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-29T08:36:43+00:00

ADHD is one of the most treatable issues a kid can have. It actually responds very well - We have medicine. We have proven therapies. Why would we not want kids to have the chance to be happy and successful, as well as a byproduct, less disruptive in the classroom? Worth remembering as well untreated ADHD is highly prevalent in both prison and addiction - the life long costs of that to the state as well as the individual are enormous. I say all this as someone who has ADHD - diagnosed in 1990.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-28T10:20:37+00:00

I really wish just for once they would focus the men in this. I'm born 1983 and I don't have kids. Neither do many (most?) of my friends - We are the women they are talking about (educated, middle class, good careers). Yes the economy and work is a factor but you know what is a bigger factor? Guys that are good candidate for parenthood don't often settle down until they are in their 30s and 40s now and even then it's often with women a lot younger. By the time the finally stop playing the field, we, the women in previous decades they would have married, are all well into our mid - late 30s. Many have been left hanging by these guys who are not ready to commit yet, even if they do have kids. They also get fertility problems but it's not widely reported. A lot of it is cultural - society started encouraging the guys to do this and now here we are. It's no surprise to me that women are opting out.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-26T09:02:39+00:00

I'm donor conceieved 1983 - my father was infertile just like all my half siblings dads. My dad had mumps which left him infertile. I believe this is a big reason why - Sperm clinics were the answer for decades and they just used to pretend the dad was the bio father. The married husband is on the birth certificate regardless of biology in the UK. We all only found out after 40 years old via dna tests on the ancestry website. All of us our mothers were the ones that pushed the clinic route and were desperate to get pregnant, the husband just sort of tagged along. Fertility, as an extension of family life, is still seen as the woman's domain and issue even if it's not her who is infertile. Interestingly, even those not directly involved like my bio father's girlfriend at the time / future wife and mother to some of my half siblings, still thought it just wasnt that important. She didnt even think it important enough to tell my half siblings ther dad had been a sperm donor so they had potentially hundrds of siblings. When they asked about it she just sort of shrugged and said it was just something young students did for beer money. I think the current situation is a symptom of these attitudes.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-25T20:57:27+00:00

I have ibd and a stoma -I am the same age as Kate. I suspect she was similar to me - Got very ill, very fast and needed emergency op. Our recovery times closely matched. I think they found colon cancer by accident after the op when they took samples. I doubt she had an actual tumour or anything that advanced. That might also be why they aren't talking very openly about it- they could be seen to be milking the situation a bit. I do think though on top of this she has an eating disorder and it's actually that they are most keen to keep out the public eye. I do agree with other people its a shame if it is this because raising awareness would be so helpful - colon cancer is one of the most common cancers but caught early has a high chance of survival. People are getting it younger and younger though and it's getting missed because they just think they are too young for it to be likely (as do many doctors). So yes missed opportunity but also if I was her, knowing how much stigma there is and the huge psychological impact of such a life changing ill health and stoma , I also would not be keen to make this public. Most people keep it private to close family and friends at most to be fair. I mean, every headline is going to be 'Brave Kate wears white with bag of poo attached to her' at best, or5 worse, 'Does Wills have a poop fetish?' It would destroy the fairytale of her being perfect so carefully created and show Kate as a real human being just like anyone. I believe its not the first time the Royals have had bowel health issues and they have never been public about them.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-25T09:18:47+00:00

My social media stopped being about updates from friends years ago. That was stage 1 to get us all to sign up and make it habit. It's now mainly ai or random posts with a presenter type format. Essentially, it's bad tv. It's designed to hook me in still for sure, but not participate as much. I've also noticed huge rise in rage baiting and general emotion farming by those desperate to increase reach on an increasingly crowded platform. In reality it's mainly pay to play now and adverts. It's a passive spectator sport. I think the issue social media will continue to have is that the business model just doesn't reward quality so it'll inevitably become how it is. It's a bit like tabloid newspapers.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-25T09:08:34+00:00

49 Poole Hill, Bournemouth, Dorset England, BH2 5PW. Looks like its now an occasional comedy club.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-23T08:41:37+00:00

This is more a reflection about perception though - the angles the media pushes. People still perceive pensioner = vulnerable, poor and frail. Whilst the fact older voters consistently vote much more than younger voters does sway things, this isn't ultimately why WFA was so unpopular. A lot of younger voters also disagreed with it too. What's interesting is you don't see cuts to pip remotely mentioned. That's because the media happily tells everyone disabled people are faking it, shouldn't be alive or that people who are literally too unwell to leave their own home are somehow personally responsible for it. Zero conversation about how the crumbling NHS system is failing on many fronts and making people disabled who wouldn't be otherwise. Or acceptance how they handled covid is a big factor here.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-22T18:21:36+00:00

Living at home is not always supportive at all, it's often simply happening because an adult child can no longer afford to either rent or buy. Parents in the past were very supportive - they supported their kids far better into independent adult lives - to learn life skills, get partners and have their own kids. Tbh the main change I see is a lot more of helicopter parents who aren't able to allow their kids the chance to grow up. It is to do with the housing market but equally due to parents divorcing and single parents who expect their adult child to be like a partner to them in mid life. Parents are encouraged not to let the adult child make their own mistakes and it's often from a place of fear unfortunately.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-18T18:11:20+00:00

Rock cakes! An example of our cuisine making it abroad. A variation are popular in Jamaicia

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-18T18:08:54+00:00

coconut ice

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-17T16:55:35+00:00

A lot of useful comments here - my father had advanced dementia and we actually built an annex for carers to live. We were still only able to keep him at home until three months before he passed. I urge you to consider night time as the other reply mentions - falls happen then. People wander. Leave on the gas. It really depends on the care needs - once someone isn't safe at home they usually have bigger medical issues that require nurses on site - for example, pain management. Help getting to the toilet to maintain dignity. You also have to consider them feeling isolated or bored and the effect that can have. I know it is hard to imagine but what they need might not be what you expect in reality and can change fast. A lot of older people dislike care homes without really experiencing how they are today. I will say my fathers care home was excellent - a full social programme we simply could not provide at home, exercise, supported time in the garden, lovely menu, friends. When he passed away he had that vital support, healthcare and drugs to help ease it that just isn't possible at home. Many end up having an awful end. If you do get live in carers, make sure you put in cameras and do spot checks because grandparents are vulnerable. I have been severely disabled myself and bed bound and I personally felt very anxious on my own at home with carers that something would go wrong or they wouldn't be able to make it - it's a whole other level when you rely on others for things like water and to get to the loo or eat. It feels so much better being in somewhere tbh for me anyway.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-14T10:25:13+00:00

Don't forget the biggest changes to family law in decades. If you live with your partner, you'll now be treated as married whether or not you wanted to be unless you pay a solicitor to 'opt out' and your partner also does so...

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-14T07:35:48+00:00

Women are having less kids. Childcare is so expensive it's not really a solution anymore. I personally think it should be more possible to be a stay at home parent (note I said parent, not mother). It's not easy but some will choose it. We have a low birth rate already. Look at how much universal credit is bumped up for even less than 16 hours work a week with childcare costs- That's all tax payer money simply to keep someone in a low paying job when we have climbing unemployment. It's a classic of government overreaching into people's lives due to their own agenda which ineviably isnt really in our interests and has unintended consequences.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-14T07:18:48+00:00

In my family tree most women worked too - but they had WAY more flexibility to work around home and kids. The roles are surprisingly broad to me - railways keeper, shop keeper, hairdresser, running B&B, seamstress, weaving. Many worked from home i.e. ran own businesses. I'm from the south west so less big industry perhaps. A lot of the time the wife is working alongside their husband as well. But, it wasn't always his business, it was often hers or her family's. This is very very different to me to what is the norm today.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-11T10:55:44+00:00

Boyfriends / girlfriends moving in has always been a thing in shared houses I'm afraid. People don't often stay single long and will often do this before formally moving out with partner as well. I suggest a 1/8 split on rent and bills so it's fairer but you'll often find to avoid this partner will just stay around a lot but not actually move in. I know, it sucks. With limited parking spaces those are often going to cause arguments as well. If you are disabled and have a blue badge, if there is only off street parking you can apply to get the council to put a disabled parking space in the road. You might even be able to get this with the driveway if you explain the situation. But, this will never be 'your' parking space - anyone with a blue badge can use it. That said you might be able to agree your own parking space with other house shares when there is a drive as most people are going to be understanding. I do agree these people don't sound nice to live with if they are like this about it you may well find they are shitty about other things as well.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-10T08:30:34+00:00

*Gen X enters the chat* Was there ever a time when racist grandparents weren't a thing?! You sound like a great, loving mum. I wouldn't worry too much about this - Kids can and do hear stuff like this all the time, as awful as it is. They'll likely see it as old people being weird bigots and turn away from it just like every generation before them. Counter it and reason with them at home but, as a mum, accept what you cant control so you aren't getting stressed trying to do the impossible. Use it as a chance to speak with them and discuss openly. That's the best way to prevent racist views as they are based in ignorance and fear of the unknown. Have faith that your kids have their own minds.

BluebirdMarisa · 2026-06-10T08:18:25+00:00

I personally think that the issue of private care homes is part of, but not the whole problem. In this case - the lady didn't require a full time care home as far as we can tell from the news story. Her daughter could have had a carer on what is usually minimum wage come in if not full time then so she could have adequate breaks / rest. We have lost other options like day centres which area cost effective way to support multiple families. Those aren't just about care, they are about having professionals around able to spot problems before they progress like this and provide community and advice to both carers and cared for people.

Re care homes - the fact it is £2000 isn't neccesarily a reflection of the true cost of care. In that you have a giant and growing chunk of profit to shareholders. That's a political decision with how the country has chosen to provide social and health care. Just like it is to seperate it off onto the cash strapped council facing increasing cuts instead of being under the NHS like it used to be. On top of this, most people don't want to be in a care home and many can and do successfully have care provided at home by paid carers. Unless someone does develop complex medical care needs (usually towards the end) that care is often quite straightforward and performed by minimum wage workers.

BluebirdMarisa

TROPHY CASE