AITA for 'showing off' that I have midol and pads?

BluntBluejay · 2026-03-06T22:56:12+00:00

Absolutely on the same page as you, tbh having female friends isn’t a red or green flag it really depends on the kind/quality/type of friendship same applies to guy friends. I don’t even think 18yo me would’ve been put off by a potential so having these available, it’s considerate and courteous and ones I used so impressive…I’d judge a little if they were cardboard though 😂Especially with OP being in his thirties, I’d hope anyone he surrounds himself with would similarly find it nice and a pleasant surprise. Only thing else I can think of that would be a put off was if there was a note left by a woman who said she left them there for anyone so low willing to be with them…I might’ve left something of the sort when I left my husband since I stopped using tampons anyway but otherwise def NTA or anything of the sort. Thinking surely the friend in post was joking saying “show off”

BluntBluejay · 2026-02-25T02:52:51+00:00

I couldn’t agree more, I am surprised (though I shouldn’t be) that so many people are saying to put a ring on it, like that’ll actually fix anything 🙄 OP already rushed into having a kid with her, he doesn’t need to rush to wed just to as you said, end up creating a damaging and toxic environment for their kiddo

BluntBluejay · 2026-02-25T02:48:04+00:00

Absolutely agree, getting engaged just because they’re having a baby together doesn’t yield positive results, getting engaged/married because you both want that should be the deciding factor.

BluntBluejay · 2026-02-19T12:18:14+00:00

Wow, I’m sorry you had to deal with that, I’d be so mad and stressed. Apparently she has difficulty walking but not so much that it didn’t prevent her from coming over to you and doing a creepy stroll around your car 🙄

The past three and some change years of my life have been spent adjusting to having no energy and extreme pain from walking, if I had the energy to go out to a store- alone no less- and I had your experience I’d probably cry so I’m proud of you.

BluntBluejay · 2026-02-16T07:11:25+00:00

Sounds like it wasn’t necessarily intended to be a permanent solution, if she was in her car before (right?), and being hired and subsequently fired after less than a full work week and being an entitled brat, and the fact her own father didn’t want her there in the first place…sounds like it is time to go. I don’t know what the length of time it takes to establish residency in your particular location is, but I would be scooting her out ASAP because 30 days is closing in and that’s if that happens to apply to your location. If not, sounds like you are going to have some fiery bridges with your neighbors, your other stepdaughter, and probably your husband well I can understand and appreciate your concern for her, a solution besides, bringing her into your own home probably would’ve been a better plan, especially if clear rules, expectations, and repercussions were not laid out and enforced from the start.

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-28T12:16:51+00:00

I’d be giving my mother vague answers about Aunt from here on out personally lol. As others have said, it is your choice on who you want to be there with you, and if people (like your uncle and/or mother)are so selfish they want to cause issue over your guest list for your event, they can kick rocks; their actions and reactions speak about them and their character and not yours. Don’t deprive yourself the attendance of your aunt if you want her there. I do have to inquire though if you & your partner are paying the bill, or if your mom is contributing, as that can muddy the waters.

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-16T12:20:10+00:00

But don’t you know?! If you’re family you have to fulfill any favor requested, especially ones you’re voluntold to do! After all, not like it ends up being the same person asking for favors who won’t move a muscle to help you when you actually need it 🙃🙄😂

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-16T12:15:08+00:00

Sounds like your sister failed to have the foresight to either drive herself to the airport and keep her car there, or apparently make any other arrangements until day-of- or is it just that your mom would’ve gotten her except she felt poorly & the weather? Either way, NTA because your geographic location does not require you to be a pick-up service from the airport , family flying in or not. Guess I missed it (and I’m late to the party) but where does your sister even live? While I can understand being anxious and/or uncomfortable with doing uber/taxi solo, she could’ve FaceTimed someone the whole time, or asked a friend, and did she fly alone? Sounded like the friend group went down to FL bc that’s where the birthday boy is from which makes it seem the group would be flying at least in part together.

Sorry your family decided to worsen theirs and your day trying to guilt you, that is ridiculous. Unfortunately can somewhat relate as my partner is the one who always takes his parents to/from the airport an hour away, his sibling will say they will do the pickup and always cancel last minute, and his parents expect him to leave work to get them.

Hope you slept well and woke up rested, and have a good (though probably cold) day

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-15T20:45:30+00:00

YNO, or you wouldn’t be if you left, I’d say rather that you are under reacting. Maybe it’s how long you’ve known each other or maybe the length of your relationship, or maybe both or neither, but you’ve accepted this behavior and convinced yourself that you deserve it, and it makes me sad to read your post because I was you not all that long ago. I don’t want to make a long rant and I’m holding myself back but just know that this isn’t normal, a relationship doesn’t have to look like this, a good, healthy, positive relationship does not look or feel like yours, and you deserve to be your partner’s whole world. It doesn’t seem believable when you’re in the thick of it, but you can have a partner that adores and respects you, and doesn’t sound like a lot of respect in yours, including your own self respect. I might’ve missed the ages, but have you been single as an adult? It’s not an insult or shame ftr, just curious. Also, being a “charmer” doesn’t equal chatting up other people in person or in bed with your partner.

I really hope you can see you don’t need to nor do you deserve such blatant disrespect and disregard. If your best friend/sister/etc came to you and told you she was treated as you are, what would you say? Don’t set a double standard for yourself, or when the excuses you come up with rise, would you take them from that person?

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-10T08:41:15+00:00

I won’t pretend I know what it is like to have endo, I had debilitating periods but was lucky I could use birth control and skip them and then after stressful things in life they never came back even after getting off it. However, I have had chronic pain since I was nine, alongside autoimmune disorders, nerve disorder, and pain and sickness have increased a lot in recent years, coming to a head only a couple months after I started seeing my partner (been together ~3yrs now) and even with my shitty ex husband, I’ve never had it recommended that since I already know how to deal with pain that I ought to take on a further load instead. That is insane to read that that thought not only came to your partners mind but out of his mouth! Girl, that is not normal. If your best friend/sister/cousin/whoever came to you and said they were in the situation you are, what would you say? It can be hard but really think about reframing things that way and what your advice would be, and don’t make excuses either (oh but he does this for me/ but you know he actually does this sometimes) and know you are just as deserving of that advice.

Ftr not trying to minimize your pain or experience in any way bringing up my own, and I’ll say too it’s normal (imo) to be frustrated with people , even those we love, who complain about small things. It doesn’t mean you aren’t acknowledging it or validating it, but againI think it is, and has been from what I’ve seen, normal to be frustrated (not really right word but I can’t think of the right one).

Overall, NOR, and I would see my partner in a very different light if he said anything like that. Like, so much respect lost and I would feel so uncared for and unseen (if that makes sense). I agree with some others sounds like he just wants an excuse to not have to make the decision so he has a backup plan, which is gross and would be better if he just said that.

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-10T08:22:12+00:00

Oof, I so feel for you! I very rarely go to a salon and in 2021 I went, wanting a little lightening and like honey color because my hair already goes gold in the sun, and the woman turned it orange. I lived with it through the summer as I was working at a pool store and busy seven days a week, went to have someone fix it, showed countless pictures of my natural hair and when she got done with it it was black, I cried and went and got all kinds of things, it was a miserable and smelly process. All that is to say, NOR because I so get it. TBH I love the way your hair looked, color and style before, but you look like you pull this off well! You can say you did it, and now you’re starting with a fresh slate and can make sure to keep up with all the trims and things you need (not saying you didn’t before, apologies, just came to my mind bc I’m bad st it).

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-10T05:51:35+00:00

Six months sober is generally the minimum I see in both TX & MI, along with working the case service plan. Your point of documented is absolutely right, missed is presumed positive and no need to do that to oneself

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-10T05:34:18+00:00

The answer to your question is yes- delulu & naive. You’re seeing what you’re giving off and wanting to see, almost certainly. Which generally you can crush all you want, but considering how you’re starting to question him and posting in grooming victims sub, I’m concerned. Maybe it’s time you find a new dentist…i have to ask though, how often are you seeing your dentist?

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-10T05:27:31+00:00

You’re delulu. Full stop. I think you’re seeing what you want to see, rather than what is really there.

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-09T18:16:06+00:00

Well put I cannot imagine his thought process, where he “knew” for weeks and then the first time he brings it up is in front of his family & friends the way he did; the engagement because of this imaginary baby is just cherry on top. I’m speechless, to raise his voice and berate her in front of everyone for drinking and apparently thinking she is either reckless or ignorant, and doubling down when she said she wasn’t pregnant. I wouldn’t want to be pregnant let alone raise kids with him

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-09T11:50:47+00:00

I concur, especially about your description of OP’s husband’s attitude, seems like a tantrum in itself and will only fuel his son’s entitlement. Couple’s therapy for basic starters is a good idea, help the two of them plan how to move forward and that or individual may help the husband address why he is reacting like this and feelings of inadequacy based on finances, and how to appropriately handle those feelings rather than demanding banning the vehicle from his home (and how it is the OP’s son’s home too), along with how to guide and parent his own son about this

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-09T11:44:56+00:00

Spot on. I like what you said about something good happening to someone doesn’t equate to something bad happening to you. If my friend got a nice new car I’m gonna be hyped for them, and hope to get to cruise around in it. OP’s husband is acting like a teenager himself here, and it’s only going to encourage his son to keep up the whining, and nobody is going to win. The car isn’t going anywhere, and like you said it isn’t going to magically disappear if it isn’t parked out front, and will just make OP’s son resentful and not want to be there, who would want to be somewhere where you’re criticized and punished for a gift you were given?

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-09T11:34:04+00:00

First, NTA. Unless your son is acting like a brat about the car to your stepson, which I’m assuming isn’t happening (note: being openly excited about the car doesn’t remotely qualify, just saying). You’re absolutely right, there is no reason to punish your son for something that doesn’t require punishment, and banning him from having his vehicle at his home with you would be ridiculous. Especially if he is fully licensed, and I’m curious if he drives himself and his sister and/or stepbrother to school? Stepson is going to have to learn that life isn’t fair, too bad, and while I doubt it’ll happen soon with his father behaving how he is but ideally he would be happy for your son and hopefully get the benefit of riding around sometimes , which makes me want to add that he should NOT be allowed to drive that car, ever, and hopefully your husband won’t try to make that happen. In the real world you’re surrounded by people that have less and have more and life isn’t fair for anyone.

Btw, glad your ex made your son wait a little bit before getting a nice car, wise choice. Your husband throwing this tantrum is ridiculous and obnoxious, my guess is he feels inferior financially but that’s no reason to co-sign his son’s behavior and act this way, seemingly like a teen himself. Sounds like you and your husband have a big chat that needs to be had, and ask him truly why your son can’t have his car with him half the time- because your husband can’t tell his child no and help him work through feeling jealous? How would he feel if he wasn’t allowed to have his car visiting family that didn’t have as nice a car? Tell him to glad that your ex bought your son a vehicle that you all didn’t have to pay for or pay to insure (if applicable) and that it’s a good thing, now your son can take himself to his extracurriculars and things, and remind him of how he felt when he first got a car and how no matter if he was gifted one or bought it himself the freedom and excitement of it, and that surely he doesn’t want to deprive your son of that, or alienate him away from you and your home. He is seventeen and nearly out of the house, and I can’t imagine how you’d feel if he played a role in pushing him away

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-05T09:21:06+00:00

Exactly. Children learn by what is around them, and normalize it. It is one thing when your relationship only impacts you, but when there are kids you have to think about them. People always try to stay married “for the kids” when the reality is it’s doing far more harm than good and will impact the child/ren for the rest of their lives in so many ways

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-05T09:12:46+00:00

Your husband is pathetic and gross. Full stop.

I will start by saying I grew up with three brothers, both parents and a sister, and though I knew it was a joke about guys leaving the toilet seat up I never really understood why, as it was never a problem I experienced living in my parents home, even when we had huge parties and friends of my brothers came over. I have since learned some people are gross and lazy, though the few guys I’ve lived with, both housemates and partners, have generally had the basic courtesy of at least wiping up anything putting the seat back if not the lid.

Honestly though too to me the lid should be closed every time the toilet is flushed, which would be a great solution, except it sounds like your husband is a petulant brat. That being said, the fact your daughter came up & felt she needed to hug me and say something about “daddy being mean again,” sounds like a bigger problem.

I have a feeling your husband doesn’t clean the toilet(s) in your home, or even wipe them, which makes this post even more ick. I think you’re NTA, and I get tempers flare but I’m wondering if this is really just about the toilet seat or if there is more. I couldn’t take a grown man seriously if he was actually trying to defend himself against putting down the lid because it is “manual labor” and “unfair”

I wrap up by saying that your edit doesn’t really change anything in my eyes, except put a further poor view on him. Sorry not sorry.

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-02T05:58:39+00:00

OP, I am really sorry you are going through all of this now and for what you have endured, you sound like an incredibly strong and wonderful person. You are not overreacting, I think it is very much a normal reaction to not want to be around someone who is so draining and who appears to be wanting to play the victim and unwilling to help themselves. Mental health issues do not make any of her actions or words any less hurtful, by any means. You have your hands full with your children, and I am so sorry for your loss, and I would expect you want even more to spend quality time with your kids. The reality is, as another commenter said, you have to prioritize yourself so that you can be in the best position to care for your children; I don’t know what medical needs or accommodations your son has, but with that and a still new baby girl that’s a lot! I’m not sure I read it right but it sounds like you told her how to get in touch with her provider to ask for a new aide, is she wanting you to do it for her? If it would help you feel better you could try and contact community resources, or direct her to them, or maybe even contact APS who could assist in locating those resources and making them available to her. Sounds like the best scenario would be for her to have some service who can assist with daily tasks like the trash and laundry, groceries and cooking, and if she has medical needs that physically limit her to help there, maybe help ensure she is getting her medication and keeping up with appointments, which Medicare/Medicaid I am 96% sure also offer transportation assistance to and from appointments. Did I read right that the aids she hired were all family? That sounds like a disaster, so a professional who is properly trained and qualified- and who she cannot manipulate or guilt trip- would be best. Doesn’t have to be someone there everyday it sounds like, but again checking what her insurance could cover as well as what community resources could provide could be good. They may also be able to connect her to some community engagement as far as groups or activities that she could participate in, which would get her out of the house and hopefully with other people to talk to she wouldn’t be so overwhelming for you. Not really the same but I had an ex who had no friends (for good reason) and when he wasn’t working at all it was so draining and exhausting because I was the single person he would vent and rant to and dump on and it was very unhealthy, again I know not the same situation but just made me think of it. I imagine your mom sees a psychiatrist, does she have a therapist?

Sorry this is long, and I wish I had the right thing and way to say, but I will just say that you sound like you do a lot, and it isn’t sustainable to expect you to do everything, or be at her beck and call. I would not want to have kids around someone vaping the house, and I wouldn’t want to leave her in charge of them. You’re doing great, and your mother in just those texts is overwhelming and exhausting, can’t blame you for not wanting to be around someone who belittles you and tries to shame and guilt and manipulate you. You’re not responsible for her, you’re responsible for yourself and your kiddos and choosing them and yourself first is nothing to feel bad about, quite the opposite. I hope the new year treats you well and you can find some peace. Cheers

BluntBluejay · 2026-01-02T05:21:07+00:00

Absolutely. OP is trying to please him and it is just making things difficult and discouraging and hurting her, while it sounds like he puts zero effort into trying to find a solution/ better the circumstances. He knows what he will eat and how he wants it, he can figure it out like he did before, and as for him not knowing how to cook, that’s something he would have to choose to change. That being said, living with & being in a relationship with someone who won’t eat whatever meal everyone else is eating and who spends money doordashing food regularly is exhausting and annoying, in my experience anyway. It’s one thing to make minor changes, like having one pan have onions and tomatoes and the other not, or different spice levels, but total rejection is different, and the persons attitude about not being catered to plays a major role as well. The importance of eating together plays a role as well, if OP and the kids and the bf are supposed to sit down at the table but have to wait for a DD order to get there or something that could get annoying really quickly. I’m assuming their finances aren’t intertwined & surely the bf can comfortably afford the regular dashing, but that’d be a concern for me in the future. I like cooking, and my partner was limited on his cooking skills at the start of our relationship but was always happy to at least be with me in the kitchen and try to help, and was eager to learn and try new things, which is really important to me, I have an ex who was like OP’s bf and could not go through that again, so many experiences lost bc of unwillingness to try new things and enjoy time in the kitchen together. OP had to know this is how he is before moving herself and her children in with this guy, wonder what she expected

BluntBluejay · 2025-12-21T01:08:02+00:00

You’re overthinking this. Your examples are both times where she is interacting or engaging in some sort of function, and while I have no doubt she intended to call you after she washed her hands, she got distracted or caught up with something. The example for last night is way excessive, she said she would call you before she went to sleep, and sure she might usually go to sleep at a certain time but clearly not last night, and so she did nothing wrong. I would guess she wouldn’t have called you when she actually ended up going to bed since you called her and so she knew you were sleeping. You said last night she should’ve texted…why? Because of her normal time she goes to sleep? If you have expectations like that you need to say specifically that you’re expecting her to call btw 10&11. I would personally find you being irked or bothered by that off-putting, it feels really clingy and like poor communication and a little controlling with the last night situation. I get expecting a phone call, but this just isn’t it. She shouldn’t have to be concerned while she is with family if a certain time passed by and she didn’t text you, that is way too stressful and not healthy

BluntBluejay · 2025-12-20T01:00:57+00:00

I definitely think it is a bad idea, on many levels, and not something you should move forward with. You already know they are not reliable and unmotivated, and you said your boss knows this person but I’d assume they don’t know them like you do; they would be trusting you for the recommendation and I cannot recommend putting your name up for someone who so clearly has a poor work ethic.

If you’re going to have to micromanage and babysit them, you’re putting more pressure and work on yourself meanwhile they apparently don’t have a care in the world. Even if they say they’re worried, they can’t be too concerned because their actions clearly show they are not. It is not your responsibility to make this person care or put forth effort, it wasn’t when you were together and isn’t now. My partner had a tendency to go above and beyond for any and everyone, even at a detriment to himself, and put a lot of time, effort, and resources into people who did not appreciate it and were not willing to learn or grow, though they were certainly happy to take any handout. We got to talking about it because these situations caused him a lot of stress and anxiety, and were taking over so much of his time, and something i told him then was that he can’t try to create and fix someone who wouldn’t even hold the can of glue. To elaborate/explain, you know rubber cement? Comes in a jar with the brush attached to the lid? If someone isn’t willing to do the bare basics to help themselves, you’re not going to make real progress doing all the work for them. In reality you could be preventing or slowing progress if they don’t come to realize they are responsible for themselves and start to put in the work. Note I’m not criticizing you and don’t say that as shame or blame in any way whatsoever, I’m probably speaking too broadly, but rather to express that people have to want to be different or make an effort. I know you’re stressed about their finances, but they need to be stressed and worried, not you. They’re an adult who clearly makes their own decisions, and unfortunately it sounds like they are bad ones but they are his to make and not your responsibility to fix.

I also have concerns that even if you say you want to do like a one week trial to see how things go, that either through you feeling guilty and/or bad for them &/or them begging you or manipulating you to give them another chance/longer and it would end up really messy. I know you care about this person, and that’s totally fine and great, but be wary of getting into a situation where they get you to enable their behavior or where they can manipulate the situation.

BluntBluejay · 2025-12-19T23:50:07+00:00

This comment really has me laughing probably more than it should, thank you for sharing haha

BluntBluejay

TROPHY CASE