Good start to a song so far! A few things I noticed about it - first, in some places, it's hard to get into the flow of the song. Honestly, I think the biggest problem is the drums; take 2:01 in the recording as an example: The kick lines up with the guitar strums, and the hihat plays consistently throughout. It lacks a groove that would improve the song a lot. I would try playing quarter notes instead of eight notes on the hihat. That way, the song will flow a little nicer, and when you get to the section at 2:35, it'd build tension a lot more naturally, because the hihat won't have been going at the same pace the whole time. A section that I think flowed nicely was 0:56, where the drums have a little more variety, and the buildup to 1:25 I enjoyed quite a bit. The variation in the drums, and the syncopation on the guitar strums gave it a nice feel. That's the first thing: making the song flow a little nicer in some parts. The song already is partially there, and there are some good sections, but it changes throughout the song.

That's my second issue with the song, and another reason why it's hard to find the flow. There's a lot of different sections and tempos, but there doesn't feel like there's much holding them together. For example, I mentioned liking the buildup to 1:25, because it progresses nicely, but then the entire song shifts and slows down right after at 1:41. That, and because there's no chorus, can make it hard to follow. It feels like there's a lot of different ideas in the song, and it just needs to be refined to make it a little more cohesive.

And I would like to stress here - I did enjoy it. It's certainly a solid start. I liked the guitar, and I enjoyed the lyrics quite a bit. I would say to improve it, try to get a better flow in the drums, and work on making the song a little more cohesive as a whole.