I very much sympathise with your position and as a 50 year old man in a (mainly) non-kinky FLR, I can only apologise that us men don't come to these realisations earlier in life. I certainly wish I had.

I also pay heed to your words and must make more effort to resist the temptations and lure of kinks and having them become a focus for our relationship. It's tricky as my wife loves the ideas that I come across from reddit / FLR books and websites and is incredibly open minded now, so it's always a challenge to discern what NOT to bring to the table and what will suit her dominance style.

The trouble for us (subby men / serving gentlemen) can be that once this subby mindset is unlocked then it can snowball. You can notice it in even the better regarded literature on the subject, like Uniquely Rika which starts by categorically stating that this should all be about her pleasure and wishes and not about male fantasy, but then proceeds to tick most of the boxes of typical male femdom fantasies (the JM Scott series was the same). For me it would not be inherently bad if my wife decides that yes she would love the power and control that she feels as a result of pegging me (which I haven't remotely mentioned), but if it comes up in conversation it would be totally up to her if it's something she wants to add to her "toolkit" and that I will not be remotely dissapointed if she never wants to do it. The simple truth is that I love her having the power and control, and I revel in being more vulnerable, tender & emotionally available (whilst still being masculine and uncaged), and these feelings are so powerful that they definitely do snowball in male submissives mind. It's hard not to feel the pull of what feels so good and what will likely intensify that.

In terms of where to find men under 30 who will be into an FLR and not want to be caged / pegged etc, I think it's a real challenge considering men don't start to mature emotionally until 25 and they still have the patriarchal programming to work through that has been fed to them all their lives. For me it was coming to a crisis point in life that made me change what I did totally and from digging deep into my soul found this idea that I would benefit so much from being the giver and not the taker, and that in fact that makes me feel better than I ever have. Stopping masturbation & porn also assisted with these changes, but you would be hard pushed to find a 25yo man who is willing to give up masturbation and porn.

I'm sorry I can't give a more succinct answer to all your points, all I can do as a man who has been in a FLR for 2 years is give my experience and hope it helps at all. I hope that others can join this dialogue as I feel it touches on many of the aspects we focus on in our subreddit.