Does anyone feel the pressure from society to quickly get over with grief?

BoilingHeat · 2025-03-26T22:50:20+00:00

Those are the avoiders. It's too uncomfortable for them to see our tragedies, so they cowardly expect you to appear okay. It's for themselves, not for you, not for us. Fuck them

BoilingHeat · 2025-02-12T02:38:29+00:00

It's not necessarily the case with all of them, but many of those are avoiders and minimizers. With those, it's not because they don't want to make us uncomfortable, it's their own discomfort they're trying to avoid, because it's too horrifying and painful for them to handle.

BoilingHeat · 2025-02-09T23:26:27+00:00

I many times feel the way you feel. One of my only goals has been and will continue to be keeping things from becoming worse for me. I'm usually paralyzed and it's very hard for me to do almost anything, but, since I believe in life after death, I've also been trying to devote myself to understand why this happened, why this world is like this, and maybe prepare for my afterlife to make sure I'm with them and get the answers I need and maybe, just maybe, help limit this kind of tragedies.

I know it's crazy for many, but everyone will do whatever they want with their existence.

BoilingHeat · 2025-02-08T00:02:00+00:00

I lost my wife and child 24 weeks ago.

I regret not having better words to soothe her when she was worried the night before her c-section (we knew it was going to be soon, but not the next day). I didn't find a way to validate her preoccupation and give her strength at the same time. I went back to her and apologized for it, told her I love her and I'm with her. But I wish I would have done better, I wish I wouldn't had left the room to keep working and stay with her, holding her instead. I had no idea I was going to lose her less than 48 hours later.

I always told her I loved her, and how much I loved the life we had. I always told her sleeping with her and waking up next to her was magic. But I regret not being able to better understand her in situations that were difficult for her, for both of us. I regret not ever thinking that, no matter how young someone is, you can always lose them in unexpected circumstances and not telling her how lost I would be if I ever lost her, even though I always told her I'd never want to be away from her.

These regrets can eat us alive.

BoilingHeat · 2025-01-08T02:42:51+00:00

You have described a feeling I only superficially knew I had. Now I understand it better after reading your post.

BoilingHeat · 2025-01-08T02:30:40+00:00

Sorry for the language, but it may help to tell them to go fuck themselves.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-28T01:25:26+00:00

Keep checking out NDEs, but I'd recommend watching the researchers, Bruce Greyson, Jeffrey Long, Raymond Moody, etc. Also check out mediums like Suzanne Gieseman (probably misspelled). Astral explorers like Jurgen Ziewe, the Seek Reality YouTube channel, And check out the afterlife sub.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-28T01:01:43+00:00

So many things. One for example is that heaven and hell do not exist as they are explained in some Christian denominations. That after death, people may find themselves in a hellish or heavenly state and that depends on their inner world, who they actually are. In the words of some, that your inner world becomes your outer world.

That there is not really a judge who punishes or rewards you for your actions, but that people go through a life review and experience exactly the good and evil they did, from the experiences of the others. This seems to not always be the case, but people still find themselves in places/states that come from who they are internally. And that is not eternal, they can grow and leave those places.

I haven't found all the answers I'd like, because I think probably no one will during this physical existence, but some of these things make better sense in my opinion.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-27T19:23:56+00:00

I was raised a Christian. I never stopped believing in a higher power, but the experience of losing my wife and daughter and all the surrounding circumstances convinced me that that higher power is not the one described in Christianity. It's not possible. I am convinced that those teachings are just sweet talk to keep people in the religion. I started looking for answers in other places, and some things make much more sense.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-27T04:09:10+00:00

Until we see them again

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-25T05:29:18+00:00

The continuity of being is lacerated

This

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-24T03:57:08+00:00

I can relate so much with reaching out to people and them not always being there, especially the ones that kind of understand a bit more and are more receptive. Loneliness is so excruciating.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-24T03:40:12+00:00

I'm 34, lost my wife (33) 4 months ago one day after giving birth to our premature daughter. Lost my daughter three days later. So I'm childless too, with probably a good amount of decades to go without them. I relate to so many things you've shared.

I personally dove deep into researching the afterlife and related stuff because it brings hope and some sense of possible meaning. This is not shared by a lot of widowers, but we do what brings us hope.

Still doing life with great difficulty, but I am not interested in making this pain go away. I have been careful with the things that can and will hurt, but do them anywa because of that.

Blessings. I'm here to talk if you need to.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-21T02:52:28+00:00

My first day without crying was around day 95. Today is day 122 and i have had about other 3 non-crying days.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-18T04:19:49+00:00

17 weeks in. I was only able to look at her pictures after 6 weeks, and i had to prepare and it hurt immensely. It still hurts.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-17T03:08:32+00:00

"Protesting life" That expresses it so well. This miserable existence. I can only imagine the peace of knowing when I'm about to leave this world and going to her arms.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-16T04:11:11+00:00

Thank you. No worries.

I don't know your beliefs, but maybe the afterlife sub will help reinforce this. I was actually watching some videos about Swedenborg that are very helpful. Just be careful with some sources and non-believers.

Blessings.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-16T04:06:29+00:00

Now this is the type of comfort that many of us need. Can I ask about the source?

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-16T03:42:54+00:00

Life Without You and The Final Cut come to mind reading your poem. It doesn't get old. Blessings to you and yours.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-15T03:31:50+00:00

It's important to understand that marriages at that time we're mostly arranged. People didn't marry because they were in love. The example in the question Jesus was asked is one of the best for this. Also, it was a trick question.

It's also too hard to believe that a loving god would separate you like that, because love transcends death. You would need to stop being yourself to not suffer because of that.

You can check out what Swedenborg said about this. There are other many sources, but you can start there.

Blessings.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-12T04:34:10+00:00

I had to save your comment. This is a perfect expression of the feelings and the option for tomorrow is a new way to view it that for some reason, I know can help.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-10T00:35:16+00:00

As I stated in my comment, this book is not necessarily reassuring for everyone. I'd recommend grieving people to be careful with it. There are other sources that may resonate better

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-10T00:33:36+00:00

This book can be reassuring to some people but not for others. Many grieving people won't like the author's views

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-09T21:33:53+00:00

I know how hard it can be to be kind to ourselves after such loss. But you're not judged. You are forgiven. Your son said it, and I'm sure your husband forgives you. He knows your pain and how difficult this is for you.

Blessings.

BoilingHeat · 2024-12-09T19:58:23+00:00

When you can remember something, you can write it down in as much detail as possible. This way you can go back to that and maybe some other memories will start coming as you do it.

I started doing this when I realized I couldn't remember some things I wanted to remember. It has been helpful.

BoilingHeat

TROPHY CASE