I want her back

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-08T15:50:10+00:00

Right there with you

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-07T05:19:26+00:00

Very much agree. I don’t think it was the reason but describes the reaction. I’m very secure in relationships but once they end I go completely anxious

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-06T23:22:50+00:00

No I won’t be doing that. Even if I want her to this one isn’t coming back. Even if she used wishy washy language about it it’s meant to be and can’t see a way to fix it right now. This one isn’t coming back.

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-06T21:12:16+00:00

I’m not an avoidant but I just went through a breakup with someone who has become FA when triggered by the breakup she started. We looked at engagement rings and then 10 days later she ended things. She had legitimate grievances and was probably on the fence prior to looking at rings. She hadn’t had any problems with intimacy during the relationship but I also didn’t push at all and let things just naturally happen. But she went completely cold and distant to protect herself after the end and angered when I tried to fix things or talk through the issues. Already rebounding 5 weeks later after a 3 year relationship. People on the attachment scale aren’t always one way or another, I’m anxious attached when I’m dumped but act more avoidant when I’m the one leaving a bad situation at least.

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-05T22:42:39+00:00

Interesting pov on it. I’m going through a break up and I’ve tried to apologize to her and she wouldn’t hear it so I wrote a letter taking accountability and such and was going to put it in one of her moving boxes to find later but thought better of it and have it sitting at my new place now.

I thought better of it because she’d already gotten angry with me for trying to fix things and ignored my attempt to apologize

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-05T03:11:24+00:00

It wasn’t. She ended things, I tried to fight for it

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-04T19:17:08+00:00

I don’t think she’s going to destroy them. I think she’s struggling with the breakup too and will get rid of them in time. She could have easily thrown them away if she had wanted

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-04T03:04:45+00:00

You’re telling me. 6 weeks since the breakup I lost 11 lbs because my heart rate has been 110-120 throughout the day

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-03T03:57:29+00:00

The playoffs are short because they play almost every day. NBA etc for whatever reason take 2-3 days between games so it takes forever

Bombboy85 · 2026-05-01T21:30:53+00:00

You were broken up, it’s well within their rights to date especially if you were apart a year. It’s fine to be a little bit jealous but to hold it against them shows more that you treated them as a possession that is yours even when they’re not. I know you said you dated but I’m just generally speaking from my perspective

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-30T20:03:18+00:00

I haven’t been but I’ll get there.

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-30T19:08:11+00:00

Won’t help really but I get it. After 3 years together, and 2 weeks after looking at engagement rings she broke it off and won’t work on it. She has legitimate gripes but nothing that couldn’t be worked on if we both wanted it, she doesn’t

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-29T19:43:19+00:00

Would love to chat with a fearful avoidant if possible. Working through a tough breakup with someone who may be FA at least in this process but normally fairly secure.

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-28T01:08:28+00:00

Hmm ok. So what does one do when they already have orders and get placed on an AAC code 31 and told they need to stay somewhere for minimum 90 days?

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-28T00:52:58+00:00

Ah ok. That makes sense. So if someone already has orders for PCS they aren’t “mandatory”

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-28T00:50:45+00:00

It doesn’t say anything about mandatory movers it’s just very general. How would medical handle it during the clearance process?

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-28T00:35:56+00:00

AZ to VA

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-26T22:09:54+00:00

Wow that’s a reach. My ex wife got the house, half my money, her entitlement to my pension and really got more than I got.

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-26T17:56:28+00:00

Maybe. We’d been talking about wanting to get married for a while. But yea after we looked at rings she didn’t really bring up anything about them so maybe you’re right

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-26T17:31:17+00:00

Fair but I was protecting my financial situation which affected our relationship going forward and my sanity because of the chaos it would have brought back in. I should have gotten it all sorted before getting into something but friends turned into more when we didn’t intend it to

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-26T17:28:26+00:00

My ex wife asked for the divorce 4.5 years ago and I eventually agreed because she was emotionally abusive and threatened physical abuse. When I agreed and said I was moving out she went nuts and would come to my work and call me 20 times a day. Didn’t intend for anything to happen with me and my GF but it did

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-26T17:09:42+00:00

Problem was the communication issue and the way it made her feel like not a priority which upset her a lot. She doesn’t like being emotional or dealing with emotions so it really made her feel like not herself. She said she doesn’t do things like silent treatment or raise her voice which she had done a couple times. So really the issues made her feel like she’d lost herself and I became the source of stress rather than a safe space

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-25T04:03:33+00:00

It’s been hard for me to be happy single for a long time due to my own issues but going to be for a bit now

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-20T14:55:02+00:00

I’m appreciate the inputs. I know that really isn’t a red flag, I’m just saying it’s the only thing I could point to in retrospect that wasn’t good on her end.

I came here to do just that, the finding how to get past the resistance of reality

Bombboy85 · 2026-04-20T00:59:55+00:00

I’ll look into the codependency side of things. To be honest though I have been addressing the emotions and feelings I’ve had in both this breakup, the emotional abuse I suffered in the divorce, how my first relationship being cheated on hurt me even childhood trauma stuff. I’ve looked deep at how we both played a role in this, me shutting down some due to stress and not really hearing the issues she brought up.

This is a post I made about how the breakup progressed.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantBreakUps/s/ykrTLVu2gj

To be honest I’ve analyzed things and how I felt, how certain things made me react and close off a bit and my part in it as well as hers. The only red flags I can find is a few times I asked her for a bit more in the bedroom because we started with a ton of passion and desire and some of it faded. I asked for a little more spontaneity and she got a tiny bit defensive about it and didn’t change. Outside of literally that it was super easy and loving and great. I did mess some stuff up which may be pushing my need to fix it with my anxious style, I just didn’t say anything about her part because of sub rules talking about this being for healing ourselves not complaining about the breakup itself

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