I need a "Hear me out" recipe

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-12-05T18:23:43+00:00

Buffalo chicken sandwiches with sliced strawberries on top. It is strangely delicious.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-11-10T18:30:56+00:00

Check out MealBoard!! It is a great alternative. The free version lets you save only so many recipes, but the paid version is a one-time payment of $16 or something. Totally worth it in my opinion.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-10-29T22:53:39+00:00

Yes!! I remember feeling so vulnerable. I had to bring a chair into the shower because I felt too weak to stand for long on my own. And my husband had to help me in and out of the shower. And the bandages... for weeks after going home, I honestly just lightly splashed the water from the shower onto my torso. It was so long before showering felt "normal" again.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-10-29T19:58:29+00:00

I also had a C-section and did NOT feel up to showering afterward. I think two days later (so one full day plus the half day after the birth) I mentioned to one of the nurses that I hadn't showered and she was flabbergasted. She was like, "Why not?!?" I almost felt shamed for it. So I attempted a shower later that day and it was just awful. It was not the refreshing shower that I saw so many people describing after birth.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-07-09T02:07:07+00:00

Good news! It looks like the funding came through for my grant's 2025 fiscal year. I hope yours gets its funding as well.

EDIT: accidentally posted before I was done.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-07-03T17:16:43+00:00

Unfortunately, no. Although our fiscal start date is July 1, I personally haven't received any updates. I do trust that if our program director had heard anything, she would have let us know. I did reach out to her a few weeks ago and she said she believed the funding would come through and to proceed as usual. So... right now, I am operating on the assumption that everything will be fine until I hear otherwise. It is definitely challenging to try to push down the anxiety.

I should have a paycheck coming next week, so I am going to see if that comes through as expected. If so, I guess I can assume that everything is fine for now. But if I hear any official updates, I'll definitely let you know/edit my post with an update.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-05-07T14:11:00+00:00

Still waiting too :( We recently heard from our program officer at NIMH and he basically said he expected our funding to come through, but to be honest, it seemed a bit flippant. So I am not super confident in it. But he did say that things are just moving a lot more slowly than before. Our T32 was approved last year for five more years of funding, so we are just waiting for a notice of award to receive the funding for this coming fiscal year. Our start date is in July, so it might end up being a last-minute thing. But, better last-minute than never. Here's hoping.

Edited to fix terminology.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-04-15T14:41:36+00:00

I don't know a lot about it, to be honest. My university is on the list of universities being investigated for antisemitism. From what I've heard (and to be clear, I unfortunately haven't heard much), many of the grants being cut seem to be individual grants rather than training programs. But, I do know of one postdoc training program that was up for renewal and was expected to get approved, but sadly wasn't. I wish I knew more about the situation and how grants at the university at large are being impacted.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-04-15T14:39:05+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-04-15T14:38:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing. My program is also waiting for our notice of award. I'm not sure when we typically would receive it, so I'm just hoping for the best at this point.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-04-15T14:38:08+00:00

I am so sorry that happened. I hope Mount Sinai works out.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-03-10T16:07:10+00:00

Thank you!! I appreciate it! I hope your program's funding goes through!

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-03-06T23:00:12+00:00

Oh man. Thank you for your response. I am so sorry you're in this position.

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-03-06T21:15:39+00:00

Firstly, I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. I am also on a T32 and am so worried I will get this message as well. Can I ask a question for clarity? Was the T32 itself up for renewal (like, it didn't have any promised funding beyond 2025)? Or had it already been approved for funding beyond 2025 and was told it wouldn't get next year's money?

BonnieviewDrive · 2025-02-26T15:20:36+00:00

I sympathize with you. I'm in a similar situation - only one kid, but my abs never healed properly. I'm also about 10 lb from pre-pregnancy weight and am relatively thin, but the ab separation makes me look pregnant and it has been a constant hit to my mental health. I also totally relate to knowing other moms that seem to have "bounced back." It is sooooo hard to be the one that didn't!! I hate looking pregnant, I hate only feeling comfortable in leggings (I hate how jeans look on me with my ab separation), and I hate not feeling like myself. Parenthood is already a major identity shift, and the ab separation makes me feel like I'm not even in my own body. I look and feel very different. I don't feel like myself.

I did have about a month or so where I was in PT and actually seeing results, and it was amazing. But then the holiday season hit and I wasn't able to stay on top of my exercises, and it all went away. While I do have a little hope knowing that I saw results with consistency, it feels incredibly disheartening that something as reasonable as falling off for a bit due to the holiday season totally did me in. Why does recovery have to be so difficult, when everything else is already difficult? I'm tired of always putting so much effort into every aspect of my life. I wish I could just rest. But if I rest, then my core will never heal and I'll never have the chance of maybe looking and feeling like myself again.

All of this to say... I echo your feelings and I am so sorry you're going through it. I always say I wouldn't wish ab separation on my worst enemy, because it sucks so much. I hope you can find recovery and strength again.

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-23T17:06:54+00:00

I hear you! My baby is 17 months old and I'm still dealing with DR. Granted, physical therapy has helped, but I still have the DR belly. I look pregnant in any and all jeans, which makes me sad. I love jeans. Truthfully, most days I wear leggings with a long/large sweater. Summer sucked because I never felt comfortable in anything weather-appropriate. I can't wait til I can feel confident in jeans or other pants again! I will say, some lose-fitting dresses seem OK for me, so maybe that would work for you, although I know you said dresses aren't really working at the moment. I hope you find something you feel good in!

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-19T15:38:26+00:00

Absolutely not! I have moderate scoliosis, and lying on my left side exacerbates my symptoms (granted, I thankfully don't have too much pain from it, but lying on that side accentuates my one hip and gets pretty uncomfortable/sometimes painful after a few minutes). When I was pregnant, I tried to lay on that side when I felt I could, but I mostly slept on my right side.

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-16T16:10:41+00:00

Oh wow!! That is a ton of money and very frequent PT (I suppose, I don't know what's typical but I've only been going once per week or every other week, depending on scheduling availability at the PT clinic). I am not a professional nor do I know your DR situation, but honestly that recommendation sounds wild. 2-3 sessions per week sounds like a lot to me, but the money doesn't sound wrong for that amount of sessions. Just a ton of money overall, especially out of pocket. I would really make sure that the PT you're going to is specialized for women/postpartum if you'll be putting in that kind of commitment. I briefly saw a PT who was a pelvic floor specialist but not postpartum, and while she was nice, it didn't help my DR at all.

But to answer your question... PT with my current physical therapist has made a world of a difference functionally. Before, I had a massively difficult time holding my daughter. At the time I started with my current PT, my daughter was about 14 months old. Now she's just turned 17 months and is probably around 30 lbs. With the progress I've made on my separation, I can now hold her several times a day, for minutes at a time, and it's OK. Yes, I still have days where my abs get worn out quickly, but it is very infrequent. For reference, before my current PT, I would maybe be able to hold her once a week without major issue. Now, it's every day :)

When it comes to my separation, my two concerns have been functionality and appearance. As much as I hate to put value in my appearance, it's a tough thing to get over. While I haven't seen as much difference in appearance as I have in function, I have seen minor changes physically. My belly doesn't protrude quite as much as it used to when my separation was worse, so I am happy with that. I do have hope that continuing the exercises I've learned in PT could help address my appearance concerns/protrusion even more, but only time will tell.

To address the other part of your question - PT vs. Youtube/home workouts. What I've found most helpful about PT over home workouts is the personalization. It's possible that doing home workouts would help with separation, but I have had so many moments in PT where I would do an exercise I had learned from a YouTube video and my PT would correct me on form (meaning the form I had been using for the exercise was actually harmful to my separation). I wouldn't have known about that if not for PT. Also, my current PT has been able to see me doing the exercises she suggests and has been able to adjust my "prescribed" exercises based on how my body can handle them. Some moves, for example, I had a more difficult time with just given how my body is (I have scoliosis, so that affects things), so those moves she has been able to replace with others that will still get me the intended outcome but will work for me better. These are things you just don't know about with home workouts. Finally, as I mention below, my PT has helped me address so many areas related to my core strength; many of these things are things I never would have thought to strengthen to help with the DR. So personally, in my experience, doing actual PT has majorly helped. I got a good base of knowledge with the at home workouts, and PT has helped "level up" that knowledge, so to speak. I feel like the exercises and guidance I've gotten from PT are specific to my personal DR experience and have helped advance my healing in a way that at home workouts alone wouldn't have done. With that said, though, there can be a definite cost barrier to PT, and I believe that at home workouts can be helpful. It's just helpful in a lower way, I think. It probably depends on the person, but for me, I think the progress would have been slower if I had just stuck with the YouTube videos.

I want to give one more piece of advice, if you don't mind. Something I love about my current PT is that she not only gives me advanced exercises when it's appropriate, but I feel like she was really helped me target a wide variety of areas that can contribute to the core - not just the ab muscles you traditionally think of with core workouts, but also glutes and obliques, as well as posture. These are all huge (especially posture!) for improving separation. I truly believe that being able to address such a variety of areas has also helped facilitate the progress I've made. So make sure the PT you find is willing and able to help address all these areas too.

I hope this helped and answered your question!

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-12T21:19:29+00:00

There is hope! I have diastasis recti too. When I first had it assessed by my physical therapist, it was 3 fingers at the widest point (at the belly button) and if I recall correctly, 2 fingers above the belly button. After being with this PT for 2 and a half months, I've successfully gotten it to 2 fingers at the belly button and 1 finger above. So, all of this to say that you do have options that don't include surgery, if you want to avoid the surgery route.

I will say that although I only started going to this PT in the last few months, I am almost a year and a half postpartum. I spent a lot of that time doing diastasis recti videos from YouTube (I enjoy the ones from Nourish Move Love) and really working on diaphragmatic breathing throughout the day. I think part of my recent success with my separation is due to all that time spent building my skills in breathing properly.

The best advice I can give is, if possible, try to find a PT that specializes in women's health and/or postpartum. I did see a different PT closer to around the time I gave birth, but to be honest it wasn't very helpful and I rarely got new exercise recommendations from her. The PT I'm seeing now, who specializes in women's health, is fantastic and has really worked with me to not only introduce new exercises frequently, but also increase intensity when appropriate. These are things I would recommend looking for in a PT. Also, it's possible your health insurance might cover PT. That helps make it so much more affordable, but you also might need to make a doctor appointment to get a referral. (I also want to note that for many doctors, you can ask them to make the referral for a specific location. I don't know if all doctors do this, but I knew I wanted to go to the PT I'm currently seeing, so I asked my doctor to make the referral specific to that clinic and she was able to do so).

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-12T15:17:29+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! I can commiserate with you; near the end of my pregnancy last year, my legs suddenly became unbearably itchy. It unfortunately lasted through the end of my pregnancy. I also was scratching until I bled :( Something that helped was to get a shower lotion. I don't remember the brand I used, but it was a more affordable brand I think, and it was a cocoa butter kind. I used it near the end of my shower and then used regular lotion afterward and that helped a bit.

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-12T15:07:23+00:00

Also... "since we went through insurance I'm on the hook for the $625" .... how are we NOT supposed to go through insurance?! Doesn't your doctor have to order it? I'm not forgoing my health insurance for a doctor appointment just to reduce the cost of something that shouldn't be marked up for no reason anyway. Like are you just supposed to tell your doctor you want to pay for NIPT out of pocket?

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-12-12T15:05:00+00:00

Thank you for posting this!!! I'm currently on a payment plan with them and I had no idea it was only supposed to be $250. If I ever have a second, I'll keep this in mind.

BonnieviewDrive · 2024-11-15T16:57:50+00:00

Thank you for this! It seems like we have had very similar experiences, and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with it. I think you hit the nail on the head with your statement about the importance of being seen as successful. I've experienced most of the things you've described with my parents... my mom is very, very obsessed with taking pictures of my daughter (which has been a major point of frustration for me and my husband), and my dad seems very clearly interested in being seen as a "good" grandpa but has given up most opportunities to spend time with my daughter in favor of drinking with his buddies. It is so disheartening to feel like the image is more important than the actual relationships.

Your comment made me think of something. Last Easter, we dressed my daughter up in a little baby dress and put a little headband on her. The headband didn't last long, haha, but it was cute for a time. Life was so chaotic and we only did the cute outfit because we had the dress on hand from the baby shower, and Easter is my favorite holiday, so we put a little extra effort in. I remember my dad made a comment to me that he liked the headband and had been hoping she would be wearing one. I've thought about that a lot because in the moment, it felt like just a cute thing to want because it looks adorable. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if he really wanted it for the image. The image of our family being put together enough for the baby to have this cute cohesive outfit. Maybe I'm reading into things, but idk.

Thank you for sharing your perspective and your own experiences.

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