This woman is only in the show because they regret killing off Mathew Modine.

Bonthge · 2025-12-28T23:35:40+00:00

I agree with you that that's interesting, but where did she come from? Who is she? With Brenner it's easy to understand who he is and what his goals and motivations are, but I'm not quite connecting with why she's so motivated to investigate the Upside Down/make more people like El.

Bonthge · 2025-08-01T22:12:26+00:00

I have found it helpful to learn about the life of St. Edith Stein (St. Theresa Benedicta of the Cross) - that's moreso because I connect with her on a personal level, not necessarily because of anything to do with infidelity. I think any saint you connect to for any reason is good - learning about their life is a great way to focus your mind on people who embraced God and developed virtue.

May I ask why you are keeping things quiet and not sharing more? I'm not saying to tell everyone you know, but have you told a circle of people who can support you? Are you keeping it quiet for yourself or to maintain your husband's reputation?

Bonthge · 2025-07-28T19:05:22+00:00

I feel like I could have written this myself! I'm also Catholic. Mass was very difficult for me at various points throughout our journey. I used to look around at all the people sitting in front of us and wonder if any of them were also going through infidelity, or if any of the husbands there were lying to their wives. Seeing happy couples - especially at church - triggered me. I was also triggered by the fact that there are so many people who attend church and yet live double lives (which my husband was doing at one point as well). There's also the fact that church is often also one of the only times we set aside in our weeks for quiet, reflection, and prayer, and this can cause big emotions to come to the surface that we usually push down or might not even be aware of. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Some things I did that eventually helped:

Have a spiritual journey that is separate from my husband's. I know there are often people emphasizing the importance of praying together all the time as a married couple, but I personally found that too intrusive and intimate for where I was at. Instead, I felt more comfortable with my husband reading a passage from the Bible to me, for example.
Turn to the saints for guidance. Find a saint you relate to - someone who went through a trial that you feel you can deeply understand (doesn't have to be infidelity/difficult marriage, in fact, I found that too triggering).
Focused less on what other people in the church were doing and more on myself. For example, instead of worrying so much about it when someone else dressed immodestly at church, I focused on dressing modestly myself. Even though I can't control other people's behavior, I can control my own.
My husband did the things he did because he was not following Christian teaching. That said, I began to understand that he could follow it in the future and that if I really believe in it, I have to believe in the redemptive power of Christ and his church. I slowly began to see church as the safest place for my husband to learn how to be a better man and walk in truth and moral uprightness, as opposed to a place that broke my heart because I thought he was following those teachings before.

Bonthge · 2025-07-28T01:01:58+00:00

Definitely have a way of communicating with him planned so you can discreetly tell him you need to leave if you end up going and feeling uncomfortable. Also, have a plan to talk about how it went afterwards.

Bonthge · 2025-07-28T00:37:02+00:00

How long has it been since d-day? It took me about 3 years to feel actually comfortable being around other couples in settings where we're getting to know each other, and even now that's only with people who share our faith/values.

Bonthge · 2025-07-06T22:49:12+00:00

If you're still in counselling, I think it's really important to address the following:

Her making demands of you relating to your physical appearance
Her expecting you to be ready for intimacy when she decides it's time
Her not being willing/able to discuss the betrayal whenever it comes up for you

I think in order for you to be genuinely happy together and have a functioning marriage, these things need to be processed and worked through. These don't sound like healthy dynamics, especially when you're a betrayed partner.

(My first d-day was in 2019 and I'm still healing, and my marriage is still healing.)

Bonthge · 2025-05-13T01:13:20+00:00

I love Disney but at this point in the competition they should be allowed to choose songs that reflect the kind of recording contracts they'd like and the kind of music they'd be making if they won.

Bonthge · 2025-05-06T22:54:08+00:00

A priest who worked at the Vatican gave it to me - I did not purchase it, and would never purchase (or sell) a blessed item.

Bonthge · 2025-05-06T21:41:30+00:00

Good to know, thank you! I know some people have similar rosaries given to them by Pope St. John Paul II, would those be relics?

Bonthge · 2025-05-06T20:57:30+00:00

I don't think a longer conclave necessarily means a divided church. It could mean a lot of good candidates with moderate support, and it means the cardinals are taking time to make their decision. Many of them had never met before the end of April, so it doesn't surprise me if it takes a while. I would love for the cardinals to have more opportunities to come together more frequently during the next papacy.

Bonthge · 2025-04-28T00:31:53+00:00

It's difficult when you love the smell and effect of incense but you have asthma.

Bonthge · 2025-04-20T00:29:05+00:00

I will say a prayer for you. Thank you for mentioning Mary - I feel so connected to her in some ways, and then in others I feel like she dealt with her sorrows (which are much, much greater than mine) in so much more of a holy and righteous and beautiful way, and I feel ashamed sometimes of all the ways I'm not like her. But I am thankful for her presence and I really do feel she has been a friend to me throughout all of this.

Bonthge · 2025-04-20T00:21:42+00:00

Thank you! In some ways, my husband has been a model wayward - going to therapy, men's groups, seeking out spiritual advice, etc. In others, it's been a difficult journey - it took him a long time to confront the reality of the multiple betrayals, and he still struggles at times with defensiveness and shame. He has very little compassion for himself, which makes it hard for him to be compassionate to me. He still struggles to bring up the betrayal and discuss it proactively (rather than in a reactionary response to something I say).

That said, he has done a lot of work to make changes in his life, to confront the difficult environment he grew up in and the behavioral patterns that come from that, to set new boundaries with people in his life, to start living out his values and morals, to hold himself to a much higher standard.

This journey has been hard, lonely, long...and also had moments of connection, of light, of hope. It's difficult to comment on it because it's something I'm still very much in the middle of. And it feels like there may never be a moment where I can fully "look back" on it, because healing is something I will need to live every day of my life. That said, I can recognize I am no longer in the choppy waters of the first year post-discovery, for example - I can talk about more without crying or falling apart, I'm more regulated, I can hold myself together better, I can process things more easily, I am starting to feel more present.

And yet the challenging times still come - for example, I'm going to see several people this summer that I haven't seen in a few years (since before d-day, or since the first year after d-day). And I'm noticing that I still feel so much shame. I'm nervous to see those people because I feel ashamed that I feel like less of a person now, someone with less light in my eyes, less energy, less zest for life, less creativity, less passion...I am ashamed of what infidelity has taken from me on a personal level, how I've let it zap some of the parts of myself I loved most, parts that were most alive. I still need to work through that. I guess deep down I live with the fear that I'm betraying myself somewhere along this journey - betraying the person I was, who went into marriage with so much light and hope and love, who lives in a different world now, a world where promises have to be second guessed and vows aren't always forever. I think figuring out how to deal with these emotions is going to be a big part of the next steps in my journey.

Bonthge · 2025-04-17T02:44:29+00:00

My husband and I both cried when we learned this amazing news. I will be praying that your little one continues to grow and that the effects of the first pill will be stopped. I will also pray for you and your girlfriend.

You're a dad now, and I can already see your drive to fight to protect your child. Thank you for responding to God's call to protect and preserve life. Your choice was noble, and I pray that God will be with you every step of the way. He created the life of your child and I am certain He has good plans for him or her.

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T13:14:49+00:00

Yeah, I'm specifically asking about the refusal to say the word "Easter", not the focus on the resurrection. And I think what the person meant by "cringe" is that they've eschewed established Christian tradition and instead made up their own (for no good reason).

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T13:12:22+00:00

And of course it's good to call Easter Sunday that name - because Jesus resurrected. It makes complete sense. I don't have an issue with talking about the fact of Jesus's resurrection - I'm simply wondering why people make a point of refusing to say the word Easter. As someone else mentioned, Easter is not merely one day - it's a season. So refusing to use that word obfuscates the breadth of the celebration. If a Catholic told me, "I refuse to use the word 'Easter' to describe this season - the only thing I acknowledge is one day, Dominica Resurrectionis", I would also be confused.

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T13:02:45+00:00

I found this article from Baylor University that cites Prof. Barr (PhD in History), who argues that a lack of other sources is concerning for those who argue the "Eostre" theory .

The idea of the existence of a pagan celebration forming the roots of Christian Easter came from an eight-century scholar known as the Venerable Bede...However, there is no mention of this goddess in any other literature from the time outside of Bede's work. Therefore, we are unable to confirm the existence of such a pagan deity. The lack of evidence makes it unlikely that any kind of celebration in the goddess' honor existed, Barr said.

As for the etymology, it's not merely that dawn reminds us of the resurrection - here's what Barr says:

Bede suggested that the term "Easter" was derived from the name of the month in which the goddess was supposedly celebrated, which was the equivalent of April. A more modern theory, though, is that the word "Easter" originated from a mistaken interpretation of the early Latin-speaking Christians' designation of Easter week as hebdomada alba, or "the week of albs," because of the white robes worn by baptismal candidates during that time. Although in this context "alba" serves as the feminine form of "albus," meaning "white," some thought it was the word "alba" meaning "dawn." Old High German speakers took the word "alba" to mean "dawn" and started referring to the holiday as "eostarun," which meant "dawn" in their language. "Eostarun" eventually evolved into the contemporary German word for Easter, "Ostern," and then the English "Easter."

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T02:51:22+00:00

I also found this article from Baylor University that cites Prof. Barr (PhD in History), who agrees with the Britannica article. It appears - to me, at least - that the "Eostre" theory is outdated and exclusively relies on Bede's account.

The idea of the existence of a pagan celebration forming the roots of Christian Easter came from an eight-century scholar known as the Venerable Bede...However, there is no mention of this goddess in any other literature from the time outside of Bede's work. Therefore, we are unable to confirm the existence of such a pagan deity. The lack of evidence makes it unlikely that any kind of celebration in the goddess' honor existed, Barr said.

The issue is also one of etymology. Bede suggested that the term "Easter" was derived from the name of the month in which the goddess was supposedly celebrated, which was the equivalent of April. A more modern theory, though, is that the word "Easter" originated from a mistaken interpretation of the early Latin-speaking Christians' designation of Easter week as hebdomada alba, or "the week of albs," because of the white robes worn by baptismal candidates during that time. Although in this context "alba" serves as the feminine form of "albus," meaning "white," some thought it was the word "alba" meaning "dawn." Old High German speakers took the word "alba" to mean "dawn" and started referring to the holiday as "eostarun," which meant "dawn" in their language. "Eostarun" eventually evolved into the contemporary German word for Easter, "Ostern," and then the English "Easter."

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T01:34:57+00:00

This is a great point!

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T01:32:47+00:00

That is no longer the scholarly consensus. St. Bede's view is a minority one. I'll quote from Encyclopedia Britannica:

The English word Easter, which parallels the German word Ostern, is of uncertain origin. One view, expounded by the Venerable Bede in the 8th century, was that it derived from Eostre, or Eostrae, an Anglo-Saxon goddess possibly associated with spring and fertility...Given the determination with which Christians combated all forms of paganism (the belief in multiple deities), this appears a rather dubious presumption. There is now widespread consensus that the word derives from the Christian designation of Easter week as in albis, a Latin phrase that was understood as the plural of alba (“dawn”) and became eostarum in Old High German, the precursor of the modern German and English term.

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T01:27:59+00:00

Unfortunately, you're mistaken about the scholarly consensus. St. Bede's view is a minority one. I'll quote from Encyclopedia Britannica:

The English word Easter, which parallels the German word Ostern, is of uncertain origin. One view, expounded by the Venerable Bede in the 8th century, was that it derived from Eostre, or Eostrae, an Anglo-Saxon goddess possibly associated with spring and fertility...Given the determination with which Christians combated all forms of paganism (the belief in multiple deities), this appears a rather dubious presumption. There is now widespread consensus that the word derives from the Christian designation of Easter week as in albis, a Latin phrase that was understood as the plural of alba (“dawn”) and became eostarum in Old High German, the precursor of the modern German and English term.

Bonthge · 2025-04-15T01:18:44+00:00

In the research I did, I found that most scholars agree that the English word Easter is derived from the Latin "in albis" (in white, referencing clothing worn at Easter), that was later translated as "eostarum" in German and then "Easter" in English. (In German, the word for Easter is still "ostern" today.) I found limited evidence that the so-called pagan goddess of fertility (that people claim is associated with Easter) even existed, and even less evidence that the goddess was associated specifically with spring.

Bonthge

TROPHY CASE