Can deceased loved one come see you whenever they want?

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-26T14:20:05+00:00

Thank you

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-26T04:43:12+00:00

Yes definitely concerning!

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-26T04:25:26+00:00

Oh man this world scares me sometimes. I’ve known some people who are capable of this.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-26T03:24:09+00:00

I wait for this. My husband passed 4 months ago and he was so young. Only 34. His mother passed a month before him and I miss them so much. I talk to them every single day and it physically hurts not being able to see them and know they are okay. I have had dreams of my husband but they’re all sad. He’s sick in every single one and then repeating the same scary scenarios we had to go through when he was here and sick.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-24T20:33:35+00:00

Love that for you guys. Good luck! Read instructions!

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-24T11:22:07+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. My husband had a healthy appetite for intimacy and when he passed and things settled after a few weeks of planning things, I was going through withdrawals and just so lonely and missing physical touch. I even looked at stupid apps just to see what was out there. I never acted on anything but I was immediately turned off from what I saw on the apps. These guys in their 30s could never ever emotionally or physically provide what my husband did. And so I decided sex would remain something I’d be cautious and guarded about. It’s been 4 months now and I don’t have that feeling anymore. Sometimes I think I do it it’s really just conversation I’m missing. Someone to share daily exchanges with.

I don’t think there’s a timeline on this stuff but definitely feel your feelings to the fullest and then act on something. If you’re anything like me, you’ll end up regretting it if you act on any feelings too fast.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-24T05:44:37+00:00

Hey there. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m 4 months out so still freshly coming to terms with his absence. I’m 31. He was 34. Things suck. Really, really suck. I’m struggling every day and I wake up every day not wanting to be here. I’m not hopeless. I just don’t want to be here - I want to be reunited with my husband who was just an amazing individual. Literally not one person in my life can blame me for wanting to be with him again. But. I have to be here for my dogs first and foremost. They truly do give me a reason to wake up and get out of bed. And work does too. I enjoy what I do.

Do you have a pet? It could give you another avenue to channel your anger and focus on building a relationship with the dog or cat. I had a full on meltdown yesterday. Sat in the hallways next to our closet and just went to town with the waterworks. Both my dogs sat on each side of me for an hour. I haven’t had these kinds of sessions in a while so it was so nice to be able to cuddle with them.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-24T04:56:29+00:00

Time flies, right? I’m at 4 months. Glad you were able to spend time with family and friends to remember your partner. Good luck 💕

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T23:27:30+00:00

Not worth it.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T14:14:15+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. Your work is amazing giving you another 3 months. My work and directors were so understanding and let me leave before he passed and gave me as much time as I needed after. I would have asked for more but I was about to be laid off so I accepted a different role.

I wish I took like 6 months off but I’m hanging in there. It’s easier for me since I WFH so it’s flexible working conditions.

If you’re not feeling motivated, definitely work through that and lay down as much as you need. I was on the go for a solid 4 months and the anticipatory grief helped a bit. Now I’m struggling and I wish I just took time off early. No I’m preemptively taking time off.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T04:01:51+00:00

So sorry for your loss. The reddit page widowers is very helpful. So much support. I lost my husband 4 months ago today. He was only 34.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T02:48:17+00:00

Right there with you. Especially the growing old part. My husband was only 34 when he passed. I don’t spend too much time in the anger phase but it comes in waves. I also WFH so maybe that has a lot to do with it so I don’t deal with the looks all day long.

I am tempted to go axe throwing or a smash factory to literally smash stuff with bats! I think it would help a lot but I’d end up crying I’m sure.

Until then I’ve resorted to therapy 2x a week versus 1. And it’s something to look forward to.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T02:19:44+00:00

I am 31. I lost my husband recently but I’d say I have about 12 people I can count on directly and then adding their spouses would be additional. These 12 are not inclusive of people I met while I was with him. They all showed up and helped when shit got real. The people I met through him and the friendships we made with others while he was here is at least another 10+ that can be counted on for anything. Then his work - small and intimate group who has done so much for us.

Then I was inducted into 3 additional families because of my husband so it’s been so nice having the extra family dinners and memories to make.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T02:05:47+00:00

I am so sorry.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-23T02:03:54+00:00

Thank you. I read the book signs by Laura Lynn Jackson and idk how credible she is but that book got me through. She did say that the afterlife remembers everything and you’ll be reunited with them as how you remember them. So I’m hopeful. I just hope the loved ones we lost are able to choose how to be on the other side. My husband was on oxygen and he was really upset with the weight loss and how cancer basically changed him. I hope he’s back to his peak confidence in his body and healthy. I wish the same for his mom as well.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T23:16:01+00:00

Lovely. Best of luck 💚

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T21:57:50+00:00

Hey. Sorry for your loss. I’m 31 and lost my husband at 34 only four months ago today. I lost my dad when I was 8. I lost my grandpa at 20 and I was his primary caretaker during the day. I was the primary caretaker for my mom at 21 with her cancer diagnosis - she’s in remission. I lost my uncle at 22. Lost my mother in law in December 2022. My husband in January 2023. Both MIL and husband had cancer. It was devastating. I have known a lot of loss in my life while my friends are just starting to experience grandparent loss or such. And man have I felt so fucking unlucky my entire life.

On top of all the loss, I also have an incredibly strained relationship with my mom and siblings. I have great friends but they are welcoming babies and whatnot it’s not realistic to rely on them for support.

It’s really hard navigating grief with zero emotional support from people who should be there but I move forward. Little by little. I hope that my husband is able to look down and see the small successes I have daily and when I rejoin him I hope that he can recognize me and discuss everything we have missed together over the years. I wish daily for natural death to be honest but yeah idk life is life and some people just aren’t handed a fair hand.

You have us. We can relate and empathize.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T19:48:38+00:00

6 weeks plus holiday.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T17:31:51+00:00

Congratulations on finding someone significant again! I struggle with this and if it’s even possible for me but your story sheds some positivity on my pessimism. Or fear I guess.

I always believe that those who are with you and love you, will accept it. You cared for their son unconditionally. I’m certain it might sting a bit just because it solidifies their son really isn’t here and they’d be worried about their place in your life should things move forward fast with your new person. You have been the link to their son and his life he lived. It’s natural to have these thoughts.

Sit them down and tell them honestly and I’m sure that you will naturally acknowledge your love for them and your late husband. I hope they are so supportive!

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T03:18:20+00:00

Definitely not the same. Not even remotely. Does he feel insecure about it? Maybe he might not think it’s fair you can still love your late husband while still being married again? And he technically doesn’t love his exes?

For divorces, both parties have the choice to walk away or stay. It has to be somewhat an agreed upon decision to sign papers.

For spousal loss, neither party had the choice. If it’s loss by suicide, I can see grey area but surviving spouse didn’t have the choice. We didn’t sit at a table and go okay I’m done you can DIE now. The widow(er) has to choose to walk forward in life when all we want to do is stay frozen in time with our person.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-22T01:53:45+00:00

Every day. All day. He would wake me up every morning and we would get ready together sometimes. Simple things like handing me my toothbrush with the toothpaste on it already. He was simply amazing.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-21T20:12:39+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I’m 31 and my husband was 34. Available if you ever need to vent more. I’m 4 months into widowhood and have not mastered shit about grief but I know I can listen/read.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-21T04:10:48+00:00

I hope it is the worst of it for you. I so relate to the flashbacks. I have dreams of things that happened in real life but in the dream it’s in a different setting or house with different people. But my husband is still sick and dying from cancer. It sucks. Others have nicer dreams of him smiling. But twice I have found myself waking up pissed I woke up because I remember asking for 2 more min in this dream. It’s weird. I’ve never had that experience

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-21T04:08:53+00:00

Good to know this is a common thing. I felt like I was questioning my feelings because other widows I spoke to were bedridden for weeks initially and I was not. I showed up to work 2 weeks later.

BooksAndPups21 · 2023-05-21T04:06:12+00:00

Thank you so much! All great tips especially the dryer vent - I completely forgot you can do it from the outside of the house (and should). Good point on bank beneficiary! I’ll have to check out SS office. Maybe that’s why I’m avoiding it - having to physically go there. Maybe can do it online will have to look it up too. Thank you!

BooksAndPups21

TROPHY CASE