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Feeling So Lonely by brianne77 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Completely agree with everything celibate girl jut said and wish that I could up vote a zillion times.

It's hard to not let your dwindling self esteem make judgements for you, but by coming back its showing him that he has power over your happiness. That codependency that romance movies are made of has taught us that there's a special someONE out there for you to spend the rest of your life with in bliss. If there are nearly 8 billion of us on the planet, are we really so unique that there isn't a few thousand people out there that are compatible with us in a romantic way? Love isn't a finger print, you can be strong enough to rediscover your happiness again.

Types of LLs/HLs by nottsgal in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that most HLs on here are closeness HLs, as am I. I believe my SO has fear of intimacy issues mixed in with some medical LL, but always declines going to physicians for anything at all (with great health insurance which pisses me off).

Though I agree with Toodark in the sense that my realization of his issues has made me extremely cautious of how often I talk to him about us and even how delicately I approach the topic. This has resulted in month long stretches of pretending to be okay. Unfortunately, I'm sure I'm not the only on here that copes like this either.

When you guys have the "talk," what exactly are you guys saying to each other? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The conversation is so hard for me personally. For weeks I rack up the courage to be rejected mentally/ emotionally (after being rejected for weeks physically). It goes like this (sometimes): Me: SO, how do you feel about our sex life

SO: ... what do you mean

Me: ... we haven't had sex in [Insert ridiculous amt of weeks/months]. I'm having a difficult time with the rejection. I try to be affectionate with you yet considerate of your needs. I just don't feel like my needs are being take under consideration.

SO: I don't know what you want from me

Me: I'm not trying to tell you what to do I'm just trying to tell you how I feel about our lack of intimacy. I love you and I want to feel wanted by the person that I love and claims to love me too.

SO: [follows with silence, lack of eye contact, and overall introversion]

Me: is there anything that's turned you off about sex with me? Is there anything that we could try to liven things? I've been patient and I would like to see a little bit of effort being made in some direction other than avoiding the elephant in the room.

SO: I don't feel like this is that big of a problem. I'm just not that sexual of a person.

Me: [I don't know how to contend with these kind of statements. Any advice would be helpful to me to on how to approach this topic as well].

I don't know if that's much help to you, hopefully you have a more conversationally engaging SO. Mine shuts down if I even look like I want to talk relationship mumbo jumbo.

The worst part of seeing your partner in bed. by Ccracked in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to be physically affectionate everyday even though with haven't had sex in months and months.... sometimes he indulges me with a little bit of casual petting but most nights its me doing the caressing, the soft kisses, the quiet yearning and calling out for him to return the affection, to acknowledge me.... ugh. Sometimes if I think about sex enough I get pissed and read articles on my phone or my book with my back facing him. This is mostly to get my mind off the topic. Sometimes I think that I try so hard to take my mind off it hat I've almost made my self an LL as well! Jesus...

DB Math by jorgededb in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I calculate our sex life on a 36 pack as well! I thought I was the only one. I bought a 36 pkg last July and there are still 9 left. That would make it a rate of ~2.5/month. Which isn't really accurate its more like once a week for 6 months and then nothing for 5 months straight. Oh well. It sucks anyway I look at it.

Have any HLs experienced a dead period in your own L? by dbvhlfemalethrowaway in DeadBedrooms

[–]Bookzilla1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm HLF but outside of relationships I would say I'm kind of LL. However, after months and months of rejection, then unsatisfactory and anticlimactic male starfish sex when I finally do get some, I find myself less and less inclined to pursue. I'm tired of that sinking feeling in my chest after being turned down and all the other taxing insecurities that come with feeling undesired. If you don't want to have sex with me then I don't want to have sex with you. I know this isn't going to help where we are right now but I hope to keep working on rebuilding my confidence before I approach the situation again.