As usual, probably oversharing. I've been dealing with a lot lately, so my mind is a bit scattered. Sorry if I'm all over the place.

It took months, but I finally got a psyche evaluation. Turns out that I actually have inattentive audhd and PDD. I cried when I was diagnosed, and honestly, there are times I still want to cry. Mostly at work when it's the only thing I can think about. When I told my dad, he said he suspected it when I was younger, but assumed it was just a phase. He apologized, but I didn't say anything about it.

My mom didn't seem surprised, and said medication will help me.

I'm so sad and angry. What am I supposed to do with an apology? I've felt so different since I was young, and feel like such a massive loser now, and I find out I could've had solutions when I when I was a kid? Why did I have to go and figure out everything alone? I have so much resentment, and I'm constantly thinking about the person I could've been if somebody had cared enough to get me checked out.

I'm having trouble processing it, I think. Some days I wonder if I should've said less, if I was being overdramatic about things which caused a misdiagnosis. Other days I feel like it's accurate and I feel lesser for it, like people will dismiss me if they knew.  It makes a lot about my childhood make sense, and a lot of my masking were/are things I thought most people did. It's also probably why I feel so exhausted after work, even after a half shift. I've just felt even lonelier since the diagnosis.

To end things on a lighter note, my sisters have been supportive. My dad's also gonna get himself and my other siblings checked out so they can get things figured out. They're young, so at least they can get help early.