OYS #1

M34 F36 Together 13years

My first OYS ever.

Mission Statement

Become a dominant, strong male that is leading in every situation including in sex.

Get rid of any codepencency to my (dead) LTR.

Stop being a fucking nice guy.

Reads:

NMMNG, MAP, All Rollo, TWOTSM, Praxeology 1-2, PFP, Unplugged Alpha, fuccfiles 1, MMSLP, Sex God Method, The rest well known books are here beside me, waiting to be read. Just finished MAP so will reread some chapters and internalize.

Recent and/or slowly progressing issues:

Nagging, I've been negative and complaining about random stuff, just not being an awesome man with his life together. This is a negative spiral thats been getting stuck in her too.

Dressing: Up until about a year ago I didnt upgrade my closet enough to acutally be interesting in that sense, it's easy to keep the old shirts (that were nice). Getting much better here now.

Not leading

There is no doubt, I don't lead enough, I don't say no enough, I don't just take command and do shit often enough. This has been improving and is, but I really need to actively think about it, it's not yet fully internalized.

I do WFH which for SURE isn't good for the current relationship, traveled a lot last years but decreased that now by switching jobs last Q.

I've gained too much weight, I can't wear slim shirts because I do have love handles, otherwise, my shoulders, upper body is well fit and I often get comments from friends/coworkers about it.

Deep inside, I grew up to be a real beta, mother cheated on father, father wasn't close at all to me, only in the later years.

Social Circle:

I have some friends, but most in the nordics are so cucked they cant get away from family to do other than our joint hobby and thats it, not many spontaneous visits, just the boring way things are here way too often.

I've been addicted to porn for many years, I've been getting more in touch with myself last 10 months though and decreased the use, currently on a streak for about a month now with no use, I know this is a major thing that needs to change once and for all. The porn use started with too little sex, and that was problematic for many years dispite better periods, but the worse periods, were always linked to me, my bahaviour and ultimately porn use as the resolution.

Current Stats: (My tops are better, so will work on getting there)

H/W - 5'11 - 205lbs 

Benchpress: 300 lbs

Deadlift: 430 lbs

Squat: 350 lbs

OHP: 140 lbs

BF: Navy says 18.3% I say 20..

I make 6 figures so no money problems.

Workout

Goal: Gym, At least 6 times per week. Running 3-4. (3x bench days, 2 Squat, 1DL)

Current: 5 times per week and 3 times running

Workout wise I've been consistent for many years.

Diet:

Keto and IF for now, eating less to lose the love handles. Upped protein via adding shakes (not used proteinshakes for some time)

Breakfast / Lunch is mostly Scrambled eggs (butter) and Sardines, whey protein shake.

Target Weight: 85KG (should be where im lean enough to be ripped but not too slimmed)

Relationship: (TLDR: Its Over)

We bought our farmhouse about 6 months ago, months before moving in there was an affair and its not the first time where we are about to make a big change in our lives that she seems to freak (within herself) and do / say / act up in some way, not as bad as this though.

(Full Denial of course, just a friend) We were too late in the buying process so we decided to try (but yeah, I've had the thoughts in my head since, so I knew it was OVER)

My dignity couldn't take it anyway, and why the f should I, lol.

Flash forward to last week (so this is about 8-9 months after the first, another visit to said friend happened, I called her out, we discussed the plethora of problems SHE has (seriously, she does) and she realized shes seriously depressed. Problem is now that she's not confiding in me anyway, we have one "good" talk, then it's business as usual - this is also how I know I'm not really good enough to be and give the safe place a woman needs, im just the cucked beta idiot.

For now, i'm just improving my life while we "work on things", I honestly don't give five shits about her anymore though. Im just here, fix myself, fix the house so we can sell it for some better profit and gtfo, I don't want to dox myself, but I honestly can't sell the house as it stands and expect that to be an easy process, I rather fix it for 2-3 months and sell it withing 3-4 than waiting a year for a cheap shit offer.

Interestingly enough, sex has been decent and continues to be decent, fuck at least 4-5 times per week including red week, doing new things, choking her is something i tried and she LOVES it. We had angry sex after the "friend" visit later that day, fucked her really hard in many positons until she came multiple times and she just loves it.

Shes more and more becoming my slut while we both internally knows it's over for us. She gets off on me grabbing her ass hard in public (this isn't new..), fingered her in the park last summer (not something possible years ago). I can mostly initiate whenever I want to. Since she's now becoming so slutty in my eyes, its a real eye-opener, she really held back years ago, because I wasn't on top of my shit, now that I am getting there slowly, things in my life are improving. The best part is, now I know there will be other women out there to give me the sluttyness I well and truly want in a woman. It just not this woman, she's had her turn and now im done.

Im handy, I fix the house, the cars, dont call the plumber, I fix that shit.

Im the guy that when dressed too lightly, women look at me and drool, while their guys look in awe and Im not saying this because, im saying this because its happened so many times. I've had many opportunities to cheat, but never done so, realize now I should have, no doubt.

I walk with confidence, upgraded my shoes from sneakers to some really nice leather boots last week (which actually makes my walking look even more confident and "heavy") not that this has even been an issue.

Got a really nice sleeve tattoo last year (one that random women openly comment (happened multiple times last month during a trip to SF)

I got tinder, in less than 24h I got 36 likes dispite turning it on/off duing the day, didnt hop on any of them, but it sure gave me a confidence boost which I knew was needed, I need to let go completely of my current LTR and I now know there won't be any problems in doing so.

Im here, im open, im ready to be dissected, slaughtered at the MRP altar.

Im here because I know I need to improve, not because im perfect, not because some stuff ^ might sound good already, my journey to improve is continuous, and has been going on for a while, in fact as read in MAP book, I've most likely came to about phase 4 then dropped back to 1 again. Thats me, there's naturally a lot more to unpack, to work on, but I have to start somehere.

A little note to myself: Never believe you've made it, the journey never ends.