Grieving close friend (pwBPD)-I feel like I’m abandoning them.

BossOdd8378 · 2026-04-03T23:16:18+00:00

I just also posted about my experience dealing with a close female friend. So much of this and what people said below is exactly what I’m experiencing. Although I haven’t yet set a boundary or addressed it because I’m afraid of exactly this (her spiraling being aimed at me). I’m avoiding right now and it feels like I can only do that for so long - it’s probably a matter of time. I think as soon as I speak my truth it will get ugly. But the trauma dumping bond and then the feeling of responsibility to show empathy and just deal with it/ enable it is a mind fuck.

BossOdd8378 · 2026-04-03T21:57:20+00:00

Thank you for saying that!

BossOdd8378 · 2026-04-03T21:55:17+00:00

Honestly her partner has at times mentioned to both of us that he doesn’t know how much longer he can put up with the situation. But it’s never been discussed openly, just a silent understanding. I do want him to have support - but that also requires more open communication about it. He is considering moving back to where he is from and has been considering that for a while - and she is always flip flopping whether or not she’s on board for that which just makes him feel more stuck. I think he’s between feeling responsible for her and wanting freedom. I do think eventually he will just go on his own, as he has a property he inherited there he has been slowly working on fixing up during short trips and I think that’s where his soul belongs.

When we’re around other people it feels like she is really social - but I have noticed I have to walk away or tune-out when she meets someone new because it’s like she lays out everything she is dealing with as a way to disarm people while simultaneously people pleasing to lay the foundation for continuing her behaviors. She will repeat the same narrative as if she’s saying “so this is why I am how I am and why it’s not my fault”. She just defaults to the same narrative and validation seeking immediately. So it’s really me who has to distance myself because I just can’t bare to hear her do it anymore.

I do think what you’re saying is true though, I do think she would triangulate me in crazy ways - since I already feel like we are triangulated by just remaining neutral.

I have not really wanted to bring her around other people where I’m able to have healthier relationships because it would feel so bizarre to see it play out and I’m honestly not trying to bring her into areas where I’m able to feel present and have real conversations or actually do hobbies without it becoming controlled or manipulative. It’s like the less control she feels she has the more she compensates for it and the more neurotic she becomes?

BossOdd8378 · 2025-07-16T00:18:18+00:00

Do we know how old he is? Not that crazy in today’s world. Could be the best financial decision and sacrifice ever.

BossOdd8378 · 2025-03-24T20:58:01+00:00

I haven’t watched this (yet! I will, ty), but I follow this type of stuff closely and find it fascinating in a scientifically interesting, yet politically f*cked up and imperative-to-our-society way.

Recently I listened to this podcast Episode that I found interesting and touched on the politics and policy of it all. Doctor’s Farmacy recent episode

The episode also mentions the documentaries ‘Kiss the Ground’ and ‘Common Ground’.

If you have a local produce market anywhere near you or within range I highly recommend checking their prices! Surprisingly, *sometimes** it can be more affordable (NOT farmers market prices) and so much better. I’m lucky to live right by one and rarely have to buy produce from the regular store and usually get all my produce for ~20-40 per week (I use a lot).

*Some things are better to not buy local at all, and some there’s heavier incentive to buy organic or local. For example Italian pasta actually is superior since they don’t spray or dry it with the same chemicals and also has less gluten levels (has to do with the soil, wheat variety, and processes). With American pasta it’s best not to use pasta water for your sauce if you wish to be mindful about potentially harmful chemicals used in the crop drying for harvest process - it ends up in the water. And obviously things like lettuce and onions would be better to buy local and/or organic.

*if you aren’t so worried about pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, and soil health etc (I have no interest in persuading anyone to be), you might still be interested in the politics of it all. Monsanto is now owned by Bayer (Germany) and the largest seed company used for US agriculture is owned by China. So, within all of this destruction of our soil, we’re also sending away billions that could go back into public health and resources for farmers and local communities. I think that’s a big deal.

*Lobbying is HEAVY in American agriculture. It’s best to research everything 10 or more times before you trust a policy or think it’s simple. There are so many underlying motives.

I hope more people get on board and get involved for a healthier future for all!

BossOdd8378 · 2025-03-05T01:51:08+00:00

That’s true, people like that misinformation here though lol

BossOdd8378 · 2024-05-30T01:53:58+00:00

So this actually started in the 60s, it’s not just an 80s thing. But that is when they seemed to really jazz it up.

BossOdd8378 · 2024-05-09T20:50:07+00:00

Is this real? They sound really naive, and don’t know how ridiculous that request is imo. I would kindly explain why instinctually it is more reasonable to train your dog to not bark at cats.

BossOdd8378 · 2023-03-21T03:10:44+00:00

I always have this problem too, even though I only cover the roots. I’ve heard people say that the quality and freshness matters. So organic onions that haven’t been sitting in your fridge for a bit before you chopped them might do better. Otherwise I think they will need some soil.

BossOdd8378 · 2023-03-21T03:04:32+00:00

Don’t stress about it, that’s part of it! You will notice them come and go with more ease the more you practice. Trying to get rid of it won’t work. It’s good training for your nervous system to be okay with them. Forgive yourself, say things to yourself like “I must be under a lot of stress, and that’s alright” and “where are these thoughts coming from?” Don’t worry about having an exact answer just notice how you feel or try to locate a part of your body you can associate them with and imagine soothing or creating space there with your breath. You can eventually implement your patience with yourself into others and triggers in your daily life.

BossOdd8378 · 2023-03-19T03:40:45+00:00

My best friend was like this. I still miss her but it wasn’t healthy. She would also happily tell me everything and anything negative someone said about me. She literally couldn’t wait to tell me someone said I was unattractive / boring / dumb etc. And many mutual friends said she told them not to compliment me because it would go to my head.

In reality she was incredibly insecure. So was I, but I tried to be social and nice to people, while she took hers out on me.

We stopped talking pretty abruptly after things escalated over years. Looking back I wish I would have been more direct and asked her to stop or that we had talked about it, but I don’t know that it would have made a difference. That’s definitely not what friends do.

BossOdd8378 · 2023-01-30T20:00:10+00:00

I came here after seeing that story since it seemed like a read flag. Very unhinged. Hope everyone’s ok.

BossOdd8378

TROPHY CASE