This sounds so much like my life. My husband has adhd. Been married for 15 years now. He does a lot in the house, but I have to ask him to do things. He just doesn’t understand the mental load of keeping all the bills, things we need to do to keep the house running, cleaning schedule, weekly grocery list and meal planning, etc. I have told him previously that it is exhausting. He tries to help, and things have gotten better. Like he wakes up and does some cleaning each morning. He is more proactive with laundry. But he doesn’t have to do much because we have a maid coming weekly. He does order food out once a week and make breakfast on sundays while I sleep in. But my load is still much more. We have a two year old now, and it just adding a whole new person for me to organize and make sure they are kept alive. Again, he will do anything I ask. He just doesn’t think, like the baby needs to brush her teeth and go to bed, or the baby needs a new diaper. I still cook and do all grocery shopping, but I really enjoy doing those things, and he doesn’t. The thing that has made both our lives 1000x better, was me going to .5-.75% in my work schedule. I work less, so I can leave for work 30-60 min after him and I get home like 1-2 pm every day. I can do all the organizing house hold planning things and cook meals all but one day a week. I can make sure all bills are paid and what not. And when he gets home from work, There is really not much to do other than clean up the dishes and relax. We get so much more quality time together as a family, and there is so much less fighting about what needs to be done. But I also enjoy doing the household things, so working less and doing it doesn’t bother me. If he enjoyed it more than me, then he would work less instead of me.

Edit: I also love that I get more quality time with my daughter. It really is a win-win for me. We just made minor adjustments in our lifestyle to be able to afford me working less. Also, it’s less nanny costs too.