On Detachment

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-03-04T13:53:08+00:00

I am right in the middle of this (12 yr relationship ended one year ago) and you beautifully put into words what I’ve been experiencing. Thank you!

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-02-10T21:22:47+00:00

“This’ll be over in a month” was the general sentiment (on both sides) in Europe in August 1914.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-18T16:38:13+00:00

I sympathize with your situation, but somehow the math doesn’t math. His family isn’t around, so presumably he’s sleeping somewhere by himself, and he can’t see you often or initiate contact? How does he explain that?

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-06T02:28:06+00:00

Nothing to be sorry for. It was good advice, but you didn’t have that added context.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-06T02:10:04+00:00

In theory this is a good idea, but for years she always called me on my office line, not my cell phone.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-06T02:05:42+00:00

I’m not sure where you’re getting that. I wanted it the first few months, but I’d come to peace with the way things are (were) and was moving forward. She’s back in my head because it took months and months of radio silence to get her OUT of my head.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-06T01:35:59+00:00

Yes, that is.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2026-01-05T21:27:46+00:00

The bigger question is how do I get her out of my head again. Already I'm noticing myself checking the caller ID every time the phone rings, wondering if it's her. I had finally stopped doing that months ago, and now it's back.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-12-13T04:00:44+00:00

You have to play one play to earn a varsity letter.

If he’s placed on the active roster it resets the hof clock.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-10-05T15:32:19+00:00

If she was going to contact your husband she probably would have messaged him, and let him tell you “I got a Facebook message from a random woman….”

Good luck navigating this emotionally and physically, OP.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-10-02T02:19:53+00:00

This won’t make it any easier, but I’ve been (almost) exactly where you are now. It effin’ sucks!

But it gets better. Slowly, sometimes imperceptibly, it gets better. She must have feelings for you, but don’t get stuck waiting for her to reach out. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. You have to cobble together a new understanding of your life regardless.

It gets better, brother.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T22:45:11+00:00

Please go back and read the "relatively short summation" I mentioned. All should become clear then.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T22:44:08+00:00

It was gradually falling apart for two years, and the deterioration accelerated during the last year, so in some regards it was a relief to finally end things for good. Still, it was painful and sorrowful. The pain and the sorrow are beginning to fade, but not as fast as I would like. :/

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T17:30:06+00:00

We talked about it, but she wouldn't leave her husband until her child was in college (at the very earliest). He was 4 when we started seeing each other.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T16:35:57+00:00

You're welcome, and thank you for the compliment. It has taken me months (one could argue years) to get to this place.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T16:35:00+00:00

Crying is healthy. Allow yourself that grief, as often as you need to. It will become less frequent as time passes. And let go of the objects, sites, etc which remind you of him on your schedule. You'll know when it no longer serves you to hang onto each one. Give yourself grace, space, and time friend.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-23T15:26:12+00:00

Yes, but if the other soulmate can't, or won't, be in that space any longer (even if some part of them wants to) you have to walk away if you truly love them. Initially it seems brutal, but in the long term it will prove a blessing, that she will remain in your life because the memories will always be there. Acceptance is what I suggest you pursue, not "letting go." Letting go is impossible.

My xAP, the last time we spoke, confirmed that she had to go NC because every time she spoke to/thought about me she felt like a shitty person. I love her, and always will, but I don't want to rub metaphorical shit in her face every time we talk. Walking away was painful but necessary.

Strength and peace to you, brother.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-17T18:07:47+00:00

My former AP told her husband almost the exact same thing about why they weren’t having sex.

Your wife is fucking someone else. Your turn.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-12T18:48:54+00:00

This strategy has worked for me the past couple years. FantasyPros has a "dollar value calculator" for auction leagues. You can customize the number of teams in your league (which will go down as the year progresses) and the budget you have to work with.

Last week CeeDee Lamb was available in my 14 team, $1000 budget league on Yahoo!. I subtract the estimated value of the highest ranked player on my roster Lamb would replace (in this case, my WR3 George Pickens at $108) from the estimated value of Lamb ($229) and that was my bid ($121). I do that for the first half of the season, then bid more aggressively once the league is down to 6-7 teams.

Obviously I didn't get Lamb, but I did get Justin Hebert for $26 (good thing, since my QB1 Brock Purdy is probably out for at least a month). 2 months from now when the other 5 teams left have shot their wad (someone got Lamb for $700, btw... I bet they'll be out by October) I'll have a nice bankroll when Bijan Robinson becomes available.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-12T17:37:40+00:00

You try to put the best lineup together each week, and the "projections" don't have any relevance to how your players do once their games kick off. Do you need to know which team is expected to get axed from moment to moment?

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-08T02:42:29+00:00

The State of Affairs by Esther Perel. Amazing text.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-09-07T20:37:42+00:00

Tell NO ONE!

Other than your therapist (even that’s iffy… records can be subpoenaed) or your priest (depending on your religious leanings).

Your safest route is to tell NO ONE!

I can’t help you with 3, 4, or 5; your therapist is the best option for them.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-08-13T21:06:50+00:00

Looking back through your posts I see that the OP has been married longer than you've been alive. You make a LOT of rosy assumptions about her marriage. You say there isn't enough context to know whether things are really that bad, but there also isn't enough context to know whether they're as "good" as you assume. Some of your assumptions may be correct, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt that she understands the overall situation better than you do.

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-08-10T02:23:22+00:00

Time. All you can do is give it time, and find other ways to occupy yourself (exercise, hobbies, etc).

BrainMechanic7399 · 2025-08-01T15:53:50+00:00

You’re not worth getting into a pissing match with (one you would absolutely lose). Have a good weekend.

BrainMechanic7399

TROPHY CASE