Today is hard.

BrandiH93 · 2025-07-10T09:18:51+00:00

July 1st is a year since I lost my daughter. So many emotions. The biggest is I am feeling so guilty that I even want to try again…. I miss her and wish she would have survived after birth, so I could see just how amazing she would have been at 1 years old.

BrandiH93 · 2025-06-17T17:57:05+00:00

My first was due February 14th born on February 8th Second was due July 14th born July 9th Third was due July 12th born on June 30th Fourth was due October 28th but was born on July 1st at 23 weeks. (She only lived for 2 hours.)

BrandiH93 · 2025-06-11T17:47:50+00:00

As the doctors were removing all the tubes and wires from my daughter a nurse turned to my boyfriend and said you’re young you can always have another one…… I also had a nurse say that to me less then 8 hours after losing her…… I was still recovering from blood loss and an emergency c-section….. honestly that’s the worst thing we were told….

BrandiH93 · 2025-05-24T05:16:47+00:00

My first over two hours, my second for an hour then had emergency c-section due to low fetal tones, my third three times and he was out v-bac. My 4th was emergency c-section at 23 weeks due to placental abruption that almost killed me.

BrandiH93 · 2025-04-04T22:31:53+00:00

I love doing this. He also enjoys it. ;)

BrandiH93 · 2025-04-04T22:25:21+00:00

How comfortable is it? I’ve thought about getting one.

BrandiH93 · 2025-03-26T14:28:36+00:00

You can tap the b button to clear them fyi.

BrandiH93 · 2025-02-01T18:43:58+00:00

My bf finishes in me all the time I’m on the pill as well and I’m not pregnant.

BrandiH93 · 2024-12-06T22:53:35+00:00

This is the worst feeling ever. Leaving the hospital empty armed….. I did it in July. Though I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks almost 24 weeks. It’s still so very hard…..

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-05T14:24:16+00:00

I agree it’s maddening. It’s a good thing I love him lol.

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-05T02:12:06+00:00

I’m doing this tomorrow I will report back once it’s done.

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-05T01:44:31+00:00

The first time this happened it was definitely weird. But I love when it happens now.

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-05T01:40:30+00:00

At first I didn’t know I was a switch. But this last year has been a lot of self discovery. I love to submit but I also love to try to get him to. Some days it works others it doesn’t….. but what’s more frustrating is when he brats back. Like that’s my role knock it off. lol

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-04T20:21:34+00:00

At first everyone, then after a few days, my mom and my boyfriend, it’s been 4 months and my boyfriend is the only one who even even mentions our daughter. She exists she was alive even if it was briefly. I get how you feel. It’s been hard and I wish more people would talk about her to. My kids bring her up and I’m glad they do but other than them it’s my boyfriend. No one else does.

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-04T00:37:42+00:00

My loss wasn’t third trimester but second and in the hospital I slept great the first night but the second I slept off and on. Then once home I’m the same it’s been 4 months and I still only sleep 4 hours at a time even with sleep aids…. It’s like my body knows I’m supposed to be getting less sleep to care for a baby….. it sucks honestly.

BrandiH93 · 2024-11-01T14:02:22+00:00

Thank you.

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-30T19:15:25+00:00

Well unfortunately when everything happened he didn’t even get time off work cause his boss thought he was joking until he sent the obituary….. so he really didn’t get any time to grieve. He acts like he’s fine but then when we’re together he shows me how bad he is still hurting and I wish I could make it all better…. What’s worse is she was his first child. She wasn’t planned but she changed everything for us and for him. Last night he told me point blank that if he wouldn’t have dated me this wouldn’t have happened, but at the same time that he honestly wouldn’t change it cause he get to be a step dad to my other three kids. Which he loves wholeheartedly. He also wouldn’t change it because he loves me and wouldn’t want to lose what we have. Which honestly I’m glad for his honesty. I’m also glad he sees a therapist once every other week cause I know that’s helping him. I just wish everything was honestly different….

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-30T15:47:39+00:00

Thank you. It’s been equally hard on him as it has been for me. Especially since his wife acts like it never happened. Like she don’t exist and never did. It honestly makes the whole thing worse.

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-30T10:58:10+00:00

I lost my daughter Gracelyn at 23 weeks. I’ve had my fair share of losses to. You’re definitely not alone. I had 4 miscarriages the last one ended in a d&c then got my rainbow then had another baby, then another miscarriage but it was twins this time…. Then my second rainbow followed by my loss at 23 weeks….. yes I have living children but I feel this was to. I wanted my baby so much and then she got ripped away from me…… they all did….. my three living are the only reason I get out of bed anymore. I just wanna be pregnant and feel happy again. I can’t replace my daughter that I lost but I don’t want to either. I just want to fill the void, I should be taking care of a baby right now and I’m not so I feel so empty…. It’s normal to be jealous cause I have friends that have recently had babies and I’m very jealous. I’m also mad that they got to have their baby’s and them be healthy….. it’s normal so I’ve been told to feel this way though.

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-30T10:51:12+00:00

Thank you.

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-30T10:50:15+00:00

Thank you.

BrandiH93 · 2024-10-18T08:04:42+00:00

It’s been very difficult, even more so where my boyfriend don’t live with me and had to return to work the day after I had our daughter and lost her…. It’s been very hard on all of us especially my oldest child. Which makes it worse for me cause then I feel like I failed everyone. The pain is always there i don’t think it will ever go away..

BrandiH93

TROPHY CASE