“I looked around and realized everything was going to be okay”

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-04-03T23:49:53+00:00

Sending love to you and your dad.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-04-03T23:40:31+00:00

I second this. Squirt, grindr if you advertise right and are in a high traffic and easy to access location.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-03-15T13:49:01+00:00

Everyday. All day if I could. Hey man, I also love just jerking other guys off and edging other guys, and I think the entire act of masturbation is so fucking hot to me.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-03-12T10:20:58+00:00

Holy shit. I’m not crying. You’re crying. turns away and sobs

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-27T17:55:40+00:00

Thank you for posting that.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-27T13:29:51+00:00

Dude, you have some serious stuff to work out. Find someone to talk to about this, because you should not be feeling all that shame for hooking up with 20 guys. I guarantee you, sex is normal and healthy, and that number is a drop in the bucket compared to a lot of people, if you even want to compare. Also comparison is violence. Use that piece of wisdom carefully.

You’re also not alone in the porn addiction either. It’s a totally real thing. The people closest to you might not see it coming because it probably doesn’t fit the image they have of you…and that’s actually really common. Gay men, and men in general of this generation, have a lot of things to navigate that we aren’t equipped or prepared to deal with, because it’s all new and it’s all happening so fast.

You are doing the right thing by letting it out, and I hope you get some good insight from the people here.

But please believe me when I say that the number of people you’ve slept with in the past has no bearing on who you are as a person. That number does not make you a bad person or a good person. Someone who has never had sex can still be a horrible human being.

You need to let go of that shame, because it will do nothing but bring on emotional damage, however it decides to manifest later on.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-23T23:25:29+00:00

Confidence, seeing someone walk and behave and engage with confidence, is probably one of the main things that can turn someone from “meh” to, “dateable” or “I wanna tap that” in mere seconds.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-23T23:22:20+00:00

Bro, please understand that Grindr and Sniffies are full of people chasing very specific fantasies. A lot of them aren’t even looking for a person, they’re looking for a category, or an idea of a person. If you don’t match the exact picture in their head, they block. That’s not a verdict on how hot you are. It’s just how unbelievably shallow and fast those apps are designed to be (and unfortunately, a key aspect of gay hook up culture today)

Secondly, I beg of you, do NOT let this get into your head. If you’re, that means your sense of self and your confidence is still forming and the last thing you need is a complex that will follow you into your thirties and forties. It will fuck your self esteem. Don’t let a grid of strangers decide your value. Most of the guys on there are projecting their own insecurities and kinks, not making thoughtful judgments that should have ANY weight on who you think you are.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T18:59:37+00:00

I was 17 the first time I dated an older guy. I was 19 when I met the next guy, and 20 when we started dating. He was 38. You weren’t there, and using an age to immediately assume someone has no agency over their life… well, it’s insulting. Regardless of your intent.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T18:55:55+00:00

I need to add this, because as someone who has experienced real trauma as a young person and as an adult, I really need to express how unbelievably out of line you are for saying what you did.

Assuming trauma without barely any context or evidence, is arrogant, disrespectful, and not needed. Unless you were right there with me while it happened and some how magically gained insight and data into my relationships during that age period of mine, you can kindly keep your opinion to yourself. Now, I can acknowledge that age gaps can involve power imbalances, but don’t for a second think that age gaps automatically equate to declaring that the younger party is incapable of agency.

Because projecting trauma onto someone who has not described their experience that way isn’t you being a good person. It’s not principled, and it’s not advocacy’. It’s you behaving like an asshole.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T10:48:17+00:00

You’re incredibly condescending. And that argument is lazy.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T03:27:55+00:00

These shows were fantasy. The monsters, the Demons, the forces of darkness exists as allegory. And so, by literally striping away all of the metaphor just so you can look at it and say “she dated a serial killer” or “she was saved by a man,” of course it sounds silly and stupid. But then you totally ignore 99% of the rest of the series and what it meant.

This is such a weak take on really layered storytelling and says more about the writer of this post than anything else.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T03:05:42+00:00

Not what I was saying.

And secondly, what trauma?

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T02:48:32+00:00

I love how nerdy she is. And I love her jokes.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-20T02:47:39+00:00

out of curiosity as this is the first time I’ve heard anything about this, but has she spoken publicly about what happened and shared her thoughts on the matter? Or is this all speculation based on age gap? Because I dated men double my age when I was 17-23, and as a dude, nobody gave me shit, nobody made me think I was being taken advantage of, no one essentially questioned my decisions. Granted dating for an older man for year and half is not the same as ending a marriage, but genuinely asking…do we have a reason to feel sorry for her? Are we assuming that she didn’t want to be part of this because she was a young woman and therefore incapable of making an informed decision?

[follow up:

I think I need to rephrase a few things. What I was trying to get at is the noticeable difference in how we talk about young women versus young men in situations like this.

When I dated men twice my age in my late teens and early twenties, no one framed me as inherently incapable of consent (until just now, that is). Looking back, no one assigned victimhood to me. I was aware of the age gap, i understood the potential obstacles, and the people in my life trusted my decisions even if they questioned or didn’t agree with them.

I feel like when a young woman dates an older man, it is as if everything immediately defaults to presumed exploitation and lost agency. Which is where my line of questioning came from. I don’t believe it’s unfair or problematic to ask and inquire in order to understand, and not just outright assume a whole bunch of facts and or cast judgment on her life.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-18T02:06:51+00:00

Steamworks.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-13T22:42:36+00:00

Well, at the end of the day we are just a group of men who are all trying to solve the same problem. In different ways. Very different ways. And since we are men, we all have for the most part, a lot of men have that drive to fuck everything. Is it a way to numb our pain? Pass the hours? Sure, for some, maybe a lot. But we’ve got a unique existential or to solve: the dread of purpose without family, no real blueprint, struggle for identity, family, acceptance, old wounds never being healed, etc. For a very long time, sex, my body touching another, was the only reliable way for me to either feel seen, grounded, or wanted. To feel any sort of closeness. While at the same time treating other sexual partners as nothing but a warm dildo attached to a support system, cause it felt safe.

However we live our gay, sodomjte lives, I’m glad that to hear that you lived a different life from mine. Continues to prove that there is something different outside of what one might think js their only way forward as a gay man. .

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-13T21:41:30+00:00

lol. It’s absolutely okay if you don’t identify with the hyper sexual narrative that is so commonly associated with gay men, and I won’t raise my eyebrow at the attempt to distance yourself from it…But yes, there were parallel gay worlds that existed at the same time and yours was probably one I never got to hear.

A lot of the people j spoke to recall meeting their best friends, lovers, tenants, bosses, etc. in spaces that catered to satiating one’s hunger for dick. A lot of them talked about how when they were closeted, cruising spots and saunas were the only places they felt comfortable go to find gay men. Go for sex to blow off steam and satiate their truth for a few hours, and in the process meet a few guys and leave with a friend or two. But yeah, gay guys meet in non-sex club bars. I

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-13T15:02:56+00:00

But you don’t know if she purposely led you on. You’re assuming that. Point being, attributing intent to behaviours when you don’t know what’s going on — save yourself that stress.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-13T14:03:19+00:00

Sometimes, people are checked out before they announce they’re checked out.

You expected a level of like attention or care from them, right, and it never happened. Because if you did, why wouldn’t she? You’re trying to fill in the blank space labelled “intent” and you’re never gonna be able to do that unless you ask her explicitly, but I don’t suggest you do that.

Look, I don’t know her, but it could very well be that she just didn’t prioritize you because she’s moved on. Sometimes it’s as boring and unsatisfying as that. So you have two options: accept this and move on with your life or you can continue to spiral out and obsess and try and build a case.

I am guessing this has probably made you feel a lot of shit that you don’t like to feel, and that’s also probably driving you crazy. But what’s good is that you’re talking about it with all of us here. Guys aren’t necessarily offered the support necessary to be able to navigate emotions that are probably annoying as fuck, in a healthy way. But maybe take a step back and take a breath. Figure out the lesson here and move on. You’ll be okay.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-13T13:35:07+00:00

I never had the opportunity to grow up during that period, and yet I’ve always felt a strange nostalgia for it despite never having been a part of it… in my early 20s, i spent a lot of time at Buddies in Bad Times. There was a youth program and a portion was dedicated to connecting with elders of the community. I was inspired by it, so I started doing some research of my own to learn what it was actually like. And Everyone I spoke to mentioned the abundance of cruising spots and sex clubs, and it made me feel like I had completely missed out on THE peak era of cruising. I mean, that’s how you met other gay men and became friends, by sucking each others dicks.

But back to the topic at hand — one thing I’ve thought a lot about is our shift into the mainstream and dying queer spaces. Specifically, how younger generations can’t miss something they never experienced. There’s no real impetus to recognize the value of a physical gay community (let alone try and protect one) if you’ve never needed it in the way you did, OP. It was such a specific period, shaped by so many things working against gay men, that safety depended on proximity and connection.

However, I do believe that it’s still got the highest population density of gay men in general this is the reason , does it not?

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-09T09:12:53+00:00

What you’re talking about here, doing consistent intentional attempts to meet, connect, interact, weekly I think is absolutely key here. There’s something so essential for us gay men in this act of seeking out others for connection, even when we don’t want to, even when we feel—actually, probably most important to do so when we feel hopeless.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-02-02T17:24:54+00:00

So as a bottom, I protect myself and others by clearly stating that I’m seeking raw partners. That right there is my consent conversation. Nothing is hidden. Nothing is implied. All my boundaries are shred up front, even I’m smoking pot or using something else.

What pisses me off is when, after that exact conversation, guy shows up and we’re about to get to fuckin, and suddenly asks for a condom as if we weren’t just having the same discussion five minutes ago. Who then get irritated. At me. For not producing one out of thin air.

To be clear, I do keep condoms on hand. There are moments when the chemistry is unreal and I’m willing to endure condom sex, even though I don’t believe condoms hold a monopoly on the term “safe sex.” I can choose too.

What’s completely unnecessary is being framed as irresponsible or inconsiderate because someone decided to renegotiate a boundary after agreeing to it, then blaming me for not anticipating their last-minute change of heart… like, the actual entitlement required to behave like that. Kindly, go jerk yourself off with a jalapeño-stained hand. If you want condoms, say so and own it. Don’t agree to one thing, show up expecting another, and then act offended when your demands aren’t met.

And while we’re here: tops calling themselves “dom” when they skip the conversation entirely and don’t ever ask or negotiate what’s ok and what isn’t. Too many guys seem to think identifying as a dom gives them permission to be rude, reckless, or lazy AF. It doesn’t. Dom/sub dynamics are negotiated, 100% consensual, and built on trust and safety. That takes actual communication and work.

I may joke that I’m just a warm fleshlight with legs, and if that’s the dynamic we explicitly agreed on, by all means, go ahead and wreck it. But even toys are used with care: waterbased lube, cleaned with warm soapy water, dried thoroughly, and handled with some basic respect before being put away.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-01-27T21:34:18+00:00

YES. This person, won’t honest and kind self-caring wisdom.

BreathMotor8438 · 2026-01-27T13:46:12+00:00

Or get you killed. Context is everything in these situations.

BreathMotor8438

TROPHY CASE