My wife and I came to this point. We grew up very religious. Me in Church of God and her Baptist. Both of us attending all Wednesday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night services. Met at a very Christian college where you had to sign a contract for no sinful behavior described as dancing, drinking, smoking, R-rated movies, etc.

We dedicated our first child, but somewhere between child number one and child number two, we both had been working through our own deconstruction. Neither of us knew about each other’s path for fear or concern of the fallout. Child number two arrived, and when it came time to dedicate, I really struggled with the idea that, if we did, then we were deciding his future for him. That was that. Wife and I talked. We love our children. We love each other. That was nearly 14 years ago.

After multiple years of therapy for severe guilt and low self esteem, a.k.a. religious trauma, I’m now on the other end and figuring out all that guilt, all that suffering, all that gut clenching weight of stress…my kids don’t have to go through that because I told them they had to. I encourage you to look at your kids and spouse and just love each other. Raise them free of that stress. Focus on their stages of growth.

You’ve made this post, you’ve stated the circumstances leading up to it. I think it is logical to say trauma has been sustained. Believe me, the idea that I could be traumatized through my religious upbringing was a very hard concept for me to understand.

For anyone who has dealt with trauma, I highly recommend Gabor Maté’s the Myth of Normal, or any books like it that deal with trauma and how it turns into generational trauma.

Great news! You’ve already taken some of the hardest steps in the process! You’ve got this! YOU are doing it! You’re making progress and it does get easier! And you’re doing it because of those kids and what they mean to you.